Pirates of Love/Transcript

(Tom, who is at the garage, is calling Angela, who is at a movie studio.)

Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I do not understand why you are still mad at me.

Angela: Really, Tom? Well, let's run through what you did.

(flashback appears of The Deep Secret, with Tom reading Angela's diary.)

Angela: First, you read my diary...

(flashback changes to Tom looking into Angela's laptop.)

Angela: Then you made things worse by snooping through my email and my phone...

(flashback changes to Tom yelling.)

Angela: And finally, you ruined Mystery Game Night by melting down in front of all of our friends! I was trying to surprise you with news that I'm doing a music video with the incredible Ricky DeLuna! But you turned my nice surprise to a disaster!

Tom: Okay, that's all fair, but in my defense, how can you stay mad at a face like this? Huh? (winks to Angela)

Angela: (slams phone into table) Ugh!

(Ricky DeLuna enters.)

Ricky: Hello, Angela! (Angela gasps.) I'm looking forward to creating something beautiful with you.

(Angela squeals.)

(theme song plays.)

(Scene changes to the garage. Hank and Ginger are watching TV.)

Man (on TV): Susanna, do not leave me, I beg of you! I beg on my knees in the pouring rain-

(Tom blocks the TV.)

Tom: Guys?

(Hank and Ginger complain.)

Hank and Ginger: Hey! Oh, come on!

Tom: I need to show Angela how much she means to me. (turns off TV) So, I got her... drumroll, please... (Hank starts playing a drum) a gift basket!

Ginger: Pffft! Forget her, man!

Hank: TV says the best way to make a girl forgive her is to run to her in the rain.

Tom: Uh, you don't know what you're talking about.

Ben: Tom's right! Listen to the dating expert! (holds a bow device) This device magnifies the romantic feelings to whoever it's pointed at. If Angela's like levels for you are too low, this baby will put things right!

(The bow fires. The arrow bounces off various objects before hitting Hank in the snout.)

Hank: (gets up) Ugh. (looks at Ginger in admiration)

Ginger: Hank?

Hank: Aah! (kisses Ginger in the arm)

Ginger: Ew! Yuck! (pushes back Hank) Gross! You guys are all gross! (leaves)

Ben: See? Like Cupid's arrow! Just never set it to reverse, or it will wipe out any romantic feelings, leaving its target as an emotionless robot. (The heart-shaped arrowhead breaks.)

Tom: Trust me, what Angela needs is an apology and this sweet basket!

(scene cuts to Tom intruding into Angela's dance rehearsal.)