Breakup Curse/Transcript

The Fortune Cookie
(Scene shows the friends at a Chinese restaurant.)

Angela: Ooh, this buffet wasn't kidding when they said it was all-you-can-eat! I couldn't have another bite.

(A waiter places a platter of fortune cookies on the table.)

Hank: Oh, speak for yourself! There's always room for a fortune cookie!

(Tom takes a fortune cookie and opens it.)

Tom: (reads paper) "Your brain will open new doors." Ah! Yeah. I love it when my brain does that.

Ginger: (opens cookie) "Embarrassment is in your future." What?! Hank, trade fortunes with me! Quick!

Hank: Oh, are you kiddin'?! I got "You will have good luck for a week."

Ginger: (tries to take Hank's cookie) Gimme!

Hank: (backs away) No way am I trading that!

(Angela opens a cookie.)

Tom: What is it, Angela?

Angela: It says, (clears throat) "Your true love will break your heart."

(The friends gasp.)

Becca: Just pull another one. You can call that a practice cookie.

Angela: Oh, uh, yeah, okay! (chuckles nervously and takes another cookie) Here we go. Take 2. (opens cookie) Um, "Under the light of the full moon, your heart will be broken."

(Tom gasps.)

Angela: Uh- that's another practice cookie. (chuckles) Third time's the charm! (takes cookie) Here. Um... "Beware the number twelve?!"

Becca: Hey, that one's not so bad!

Angela: (continues reading) "...because your heart will get broken... at twelve as you stare at the beach!"

Tom: Angela, these silly fortune cookies are just for fun. I mean, it's not like they ever come true.

(A waiter carrying noodles slips and falls. Some noodles fall on Ginger's head, and some noodles land in a bowl in front of Hank.)

Hank: Ooh, Ginger just got souped! That's not only hot and sour, it's also an embarrassment. (gasps) Just like the misfortune cookie said!

Angela: Tom, do you know what this means? Our relationship is doomed!

(Theme song plays)

Escaping The Curse
(Scene cuts to the movie theater. Tom and Angela find their seats.)

Angela: Why are we at the movies, Tom? The universe just sent me a message.

(The crowd shushes Angela.)

Angela: Actually, three messages! And they're all bad news for our love.

Tom: I know you're freaked out about the fortunes, but even if they're true, think about what they say.

Angela: Um, that you're gonna break my heart by a beach, under the moon, at twelve?

(The crowd shushes Angela.)

Tom: Exactly! And we're nowhere near a beach, and we're not under the moon! So, if we just stay here until 12:00...

Angela: ...the fortune can't come true! (stands up) Take that, fate!

(The crowd shushes Angela.)

Angela: Oh. (sits back down)

(Tom offers Angela a heart-shaped lollipop.)

Angela: Aw, thanks! Romantic candy makes this night even better.

(The movie starts in black-and-white. Onscreen, a couple is at the beach. A woman talks to his partner.)

Woman (in movie): Chad, it's so romantic being on the beach under the light of the moon.

Angela: (gasps) Oh, no. Tom, we have to get out of here!

(The crowd shushes Angela.)

(Tom and Angela leave the movie. Scene cuts to them walking on the sidewalk. Tom and Angela sigh in relief.)

(Tom and Angela find, to their horror, a poster on the cinema wall depicting a werewolf under a full moon. Tom screams.)

Angela: No! Come on!

(Tom and Angela walk down the street nervously. A fruit vendor appears.)

Fruit Vendor: (holds up apple) 12 apples, 12 dollars! That's 12-for-12, folks!

(Tom and Angela start running away. A sand vendor appears.)

Sand Vendor: I got sand! Fresh sand! You want sand?

(Tom and Angela run away.)

Angela: Not sand!

(Tom and Angela run into a bus.)

Tom: Whew!

(The bus leaves.)

Bus Driver: Next stop... the beach!

Tom: Stop the bus!

(Tom and Angela exit the bus.)

Angela: No!

(The bus driver laughs evilly. Angela screams as she runs away.)

(Scene cuts to the garage. Tom and Angela barricade the door with planks.)

Hank: Um, you might want to check with the Landlord before you redecorate the garage.

Angela: We're not redecorating, we're hiding! Cosmic cookie forces have bought us a one-way ticket to Heartbreak Town!

Ben: Might I suggest, perhaps, ignoring the meaningless slips of paper that you got out of some novelty cookie?

(Tom hits his thumb while hammering the nails in. He throws down the hammer.)

Tom: Ow! Ben, I wasn't sure I believed either, but then I saw the beach movie...

(A flashback is shown of the woman in the movie.)

Woman (in movie): ...light of the moon...

Tom: And the twelve-dollar fruit!

(A flashback is shown of the fruit vendor.)

Fruit Vendor: Twelve dollars!

Tom: (shakes Ben) Explain the fruit! How do you explain the fruit, Ben?!

Ben: Well, uh...

Hank: You know what? You guys just need to stand up to this curse. Get in its curse-y little face and say, "Hey, curse! This couple is un-breakup-able!"

Angela: Hank, that's... actually not a bad idea. If we can't run from the heartbreak, maybe we can fight it!

Tom: Yeah! We just have to make sure there's nothing that can split us up! If we solve every one of our relationship problems, we'll be breakup-proof!

(Scene cuts to a makeshift therapy session in the living room. Hank acts as the therapist.)

Hank: Okay, this is a safe place to work out your issues. I'm not a licensed therapist, but I did watch the entire series of Relationship Rescue.

Angela: (fist-bumps Tom) Let's do this. (sighs) So, Tom, what bothers you about me?

Tom: Well, I don't know. Nothing, really. You're a great girlfriend.

Angela: Stop that! If you're gonna save our relationship, you need to tell me what you hate about it.

Tom: Uh, well... uh...

Hank: Hmm...

Angela: Okay, if you can't go first, I will. (reads list) You eat with your mouth open, and it's gross. You look at me during comedy movies to make sure I'm laughing. You tell my stories at parties-

Tom: Angela, do you even like me?

Angela: It's just things we could potentially fight about. I'm getting everything off my chest, so we can stay together.

Hank: Hmm.

Tom: Hey, I feel like I'm under attack here!

Angela: (writes in notepad) "Acts like a baby when he gets criticized."

Tom: You know what? Maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now, because we are going so crazy, we're about to make the curse come true. (goes upstairs) I need some time for myself!

Angela: Tom, wait!

(Tom slams the door. The force of the slam makes a plank from the door come loose and fall onto a hammer.)

(The hammer flies into the air and hits another long wood plank.)

(The plank falls onto a skateboard, launching a helmet into the air.)

(The helmet knocks over a mop on the balcony.)

(The mop causes a ball to roll down the stairs and onto a radio's button, turning it on.)

Man (on radio): Stay tuned, listeners. We're counting down the 12 best beach songs from the last 12 years!

(Angela gasps.)

Ben: I'm still not really a curse guy, but I have to admit that series of events was almost statistically impossible, and I'm awaiting a scientific explanation.

(Scene cuts to the driveway. Angela sits on a tire swing and sighs. Becca appears.)

Becca: Hey, I saw your crying selfie on FastaPic. (shows phone)

(On Becca's phone is an animated image showing Angela crying.)

Becca: Kind of an overshare, but also, is everything okay?

Angela: Aw, Tom won't talk to me. I think my fortune is coming true! (sobs)

Becca: Don't blame yourself. You're up against the universe.

Angela: I guess. I just wish I was strong enough to beat fate. (sighs)

(Hank is seen shooting hoops on the driveway. He exclaims as he makes nigh-impossible basketball shots.)

(Ginger sneaks behind Hank and switches his fortune cookie with the one in Hank's pocket.)

(Hank attempts to make a basketball backwards. The ball bounces off the rim and hits Hank in the head.)

Hank: Oh! Ow!

(Several more objects fall from the sky. Hank barely runs out the way as the objects fall.)

Hank: Hey, what gives? I thought I had good luck for a week! (examines fortune cookie) Wait, this isn't my lucky fortune, this is Ginger's misfortune!

(Ginger rides away on his bike laughing.)

Hank: Ginger! Did you switch fortunes with me?

Ginger: I'm going to the arcade while my good luck lasts!

Angela: Wait a minute. Maybe I can't beat fate, but I can cheat fate! Becca, come with me. This might get rough.

(Scene cuts back to the Chinese restaurant. Angela and Becca hide behind a large, ornate vase.)

Becca: Okay, what's the plan?

(Angela holds up a fortune cookie with four papers in it.)

Angela: I put all my bad fortunes in this curse cookie. If we can trade this with another couple, then the curse might get passed to them!

Becca: Whoa, Angela, that's really dark. Are you sure you want to do that?

Angela: I don't have a choice.

(Angela and Becca move out from behind the vase. They hide under a table with a platter of fortune cookies. Angela places her curse cookie into the platter.)

(Angela sees a pair of legs walk towards the table. Angela fears she was caught.)

Gary: Dearest Cynthia...

Angela: Huh?

Gary: (kneels) Ever since we locked eyes at that demolition derby, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?

Cynthia: Oh, Gary! Of course I will! (kisses)

Angela: Oh, he just proposed to her! We can't curse this couple.

Becca: Don't worry, there's loads of other lovebirds in this restaurant. We'll find someone.

(Angela takes back the curse cookie out of sheer guilt. They move to another table where an elderly couple sits.)

Old Man: Happy anniversary, darling. I can't believe I've been able to spend thirty wonderful years with my soulmate!

(Angela takes back the cookie and moves to another table where another couple sits.)

Nerd: Thanks for asking me to prom, Alvin. I didn't think I was ever gonna find a date after my braces got stuck to my gym shorts.

(Angela groans.)

(Angela is seen by a waiter.)

Chinese Restaurant Waiter: Hey! What's in your hand?

Angela: Oh! Uh, nothing! Definitely not a curse cookie! (chuckles)

Old Man: Hey! These ladies are trying to curse us! Get 'em out of here! Get 'em out of here! Get 'em out!

Gary: Yeah, beat it. Beat it!

(Angela screams and runs out.)

Becca: That was a disaster.

Angela: I'm out of ideas! Who's gonna save our relationship now?

(Angela sees Tom sadly walking down the street.)

Angela: Tom! I- I didn't think I'd see you here. Were you gonna use a curse cookie too?

Tom: What? No. I- I've been thinking. If this is our last night together, I want to spend it together.

Becca: Oh, okay, this seems like a "not-Becca" situation. I'll just go. (leaves)

(Scene cuts to the park.)

Tom: Well, I just want to say it's been an honor being your boyfriend. (picks rose) And also, I was the one who broke your favorite coffee mug a few weeks ago. (places rose on Angela's head)

Angela: Oh, Tom, I already knew that was you. So... how do we do this? Is it just like ripping off a band-aid, or is it-

(A clock bell tolls. Thunder rumbles and a swing is seen swinging on its own. Angela picks up Tom, scared.)

(A grandfather clock ticks. Tom hugs Angela, and a crack is heard.)

Tom: Oh, no. Did I break you with my sad hug?

Angela: Oh, no. It was nothing. You just broke my... heart-shaped lollipop?

(Tom finds a lit-up cafe sign with a full moon on it.)

Tom: Wait a minute. The "Full Moon Cafe"?

Angela: Tom, do you realize what just happened? You "broke my heart" under the light of the full moon at twelve!

Tom: And we're looking at a beach!

(Two people are seen carrying a painting of a beach.)

Tom: So does this mean...

Angela: The fortune came true, just not the way we thought it would! Our relationship is saved!

(Tom and Angela laugh. Ginger rides his bike, carrying a huge pile of teddy bears.)

Ginger: I'm the luckiest boy in the world!

(A teddy bear falls off the pile and into Tom's hands. He gives the bear to Angela. Angela gives the heart lollipop back to Tom.)

(Scene cuts to the driveway. Tom and Angela walk home.)

Tom: I can't believe we actually thought a cookie could come between us.

Angela: I know, but today was still creepy. Fortunes should be taken seriously.

Tom: Maybe, except my fortune never came true. My brain hasn't opened any new doors for me lately.

(Tom steps on a rake and is hit by the rake's end. Tom flies into the garage door, opening it.)

Tom: Ow! (groans)

(Credits roll)