The Sabotage/Transcript

Act I
(Scene shows Angela using her starting her scooter. Rock music is played.)

Tom: (speaks in microphone) We're here at the Tom and Ben Indoor Track with scooter superstar, Angela!

Ginger: (takes microphone) ...and rookie sensation Ginger! Tom, this kid is an up-and-comer who just needs a shot on that scooter.

Tom: We're talking about Angela, Ginger.

Ginger: Aw!

Tom: Can she break the course record?!

Angela: Well, Tom, I think I'll let my new scooter answer that question!

(Angela starts her scooter. She rides it around a set of cones and makes a turn on the sofa.)

Angela: Woo! Woo! Woo-hoo!

(Angela rides her scooter up the stairs.)

Angela: I can't believe I ever do things that aren't this!

(Angela reaches the end of the upstairs balcony. She screams at first, but rides off the balcony. She lands back on the first floor, and is headed for Ben's desk.)

Tom: Uh, oh, she's headed for Ben's desk. This could spell computer-breaking disaster!

Angela: (slow-motion) Whoa!

(Angela manages to stop in time, narrowly avoiding crashing into the computer. The scooter touches the desk, which knocks the top marble off a stack of marbles. The marble begins to roll to end of the desk.)

Ben: Gah! My "concentration" marble! (catches marble) Ooh! Angela, what are you doing riding that thing in here anyway?

Tom: (holds stopwatch) She's breaking the course record!

(The friends cheer.)

Angela: Yeah, she is! Woo-hoo! (starts scooter)

(Another marble begins to roll off.)

Ben: Stop! My "unexpected consequences" marble!

Tom: (catches marble) Got it. (throws marble into stack)

(The marble knocks over another marble. The marble rolls off.)

Ben: Oh! You fool! That's my "giant explosion" marble!

Hank: Uh-oh!

Ben: Duck and cover!

(Ginger, Hank and Tom leap onto the floor, anticipating an explosion. Ginger screams.)

Ben: (snickers) Just kiddin'. This is actually my "gotcha" marble. Gotcha!

(Theme song plays)

(Ben continues laughing.)

Ben: (clears throat) Where did you get this instrument of desk-destruction anyway?

Tom: Oh, I sold one of Angela's songs.

Ben: Mmm.

Tom: Yeah, I'm her manager now.

Angela: My songs are paying for my high-octane lifestyle.

(Music is heard from the television.)

Hank: Look! Angela's song is already on TV!

Angela: (gasps) My song's on TV?!

TV: (plays song)

You can yes!

We can yes!

Everybody, yes, yes!

Angela: You didn't tell me about this! (screams)

Tom: I didn't know! Wow, I'm an even better manager than I thought!

Ben: Who bought the song?

Tom: Well, you know, when you're a successful manager like me, you don't focus on every little detail.

(The music stops. The CEO appears on TV.)

CEO (on TV): Hello, I'm the CEO.

(The friends scream.)

CEO: For too long, people in this city have been struggling with something, and that something is... problems!

Hank: That is so true.

Angela: Wait, why did that just go from my song to the CEO talking?

CEO: Problems with traffic...

(The TV shows a woman next to a yellow car.)

Woman: Huh? Hmm.

CEO: ...problems with dirt...

(The TV shows the Landlord carrying two trash bags into a yard.)

CEO: ...and worst of all, ho, ho, problems with small, garage-based app companies.

(The TV shows the garage's exterior.)

Hank: Hey, you guys have a small, garage-based app company!

CEO: Someone has got to do something about all these problems, which is why I am running for mayor!

(The friends gasp.)

Tom: Oh, no!

CEO: Can we make this town problem-free? Let's ask local popstar and singer of my official campaign song, Angela!

TV: (plays We Can Yes)

You can yes!

We can yes!

Everybody...

Angela: Tom, you sold my song to the CEO?!

Tom: (backs up) Okay, that's bad, but it's gonna be fine.

(Tom trips on a wooden rack and falls backward.)

Tom: Whoa! (lands on back) It's the election for mayor, so... no big deal, right? I mean, no one'll even notice.

(Ben, Angela and Tom's phones all start ringing.)

Tom: Okay. (laughs nervously) Lesson learned. From here on in, I promise never to sell any of your songs to any of our enemies ever again.

Angela: (growls) You better get my song back from the CEO or you're fired! And that's going to make things very awkward between us. (scooters away)

(Scene cuts to the driveway. Ginger sits on the curbside sadly.)

Ginger: Aww.

Hank: Ginger, you don't seem your normal perky-yet-devious self.

Ginger: All I want is to have a turn on the scooter and endanger myself and others, but you guys won't let me!

Hank: Well, I think I have something that'll cheer you right up. (shows bike) Ta-da!

Ginger: Oh? That's just a regular bike. It doesn't even have a motor.

Hank: Huh! "No motor," he says. (spins front wheel)

(The wheel spins on its own.)

Ginger: Wha- wha- how are you doing that?!

Hank: Why don't you ask these Bongo & McGillicuddy trading cards?

(Two trading cards are clipped to the bike's spokes.)

Ginger: Wow! This'll do- for now.

(Scene cuts to the garage. Tom is on the phone with the CEO. A recorded message plays.)

CEO: Thank you for calling the CEO's campaign headquarters.

Tom: (paces back and forth) Listen, you! You never told me you were you when you Angela's song, you!

CEO: Your call is very important to us so...

Tom: Ah, a recording?!

CEO: Ha! I tricked- I tricked you!

Tom: Oh!

CEO: I'm not a recording at all!

Tom: Listen, I need to buy back that song. (sighs) I know, I already spent the money, but I can offer you scooter rides. Are you free on Saturday?

CEO: Interesting offer. How 'bout, instead, eh, I don't know, I use your girlfriend's song to help me become mayor and destroy your business! (laughs)

Tom: No deal! (ends call)

(Scene cuts to the bathroom. Tom talks to the camera.)

Tom: I don't give up that easy. If the CEO won't give the song back, then it's time for Plan B... which to ask Ben (panics) because I've got nothing!

(Scene cuts to the desk. Angela rides her scooter to Ben's desk.)

Angela: What do you want, Tom? I'm kind of busy doing disappointment-wheelies.

Tom: Well, Ben and I solved your problem.

(Ben is in a lab coat.)

Ben: Really just Ben.

Tom: We can't make the CEO not have your song, but we can make people not hear it. Here's our plan.

Ben: My plan. (holds up tablet)

(The tablet plays an audio that sounds distorted.)

Angela: Ew! What is that awful noise?!

Tom: Sing your song and you'll find out!

Angela: What? Okay. (sings)

We can yes, we can yes,

Everybody yes...

(Ben presses a button on his tablet, playing the audio. Both the audio and Angela's singing is muted.)

(Ben turns off the tablet.)

Angela: (continues singing)

...yes!

We can yes!

Everybody...

(Ben turns on the audio, muting Angela, then turns it back on.)

Angela: (continues singing)

You can yes, everybody, yes, yes!

Angela: (stops singing) Whoa!

Ben: I composed the exact opposite of your song. (turns on audio)

(Tom dances in the background.)

Ben: When it is played at the same time as the original, the song and the anti-song cancel each other out.

Angela: So we have to go to every one of his rallies and do this?

Ben: Not if I can access his original copy and merge it with my anti-song, destroying both files forever. You see, Angela, it's like-

Angela: Yeah, yeah, Ben, I know how songs work. Let's do this!

(Scene cuts to the CEO's rally. A poster reading "CEO for Mayor!" has an image of Angela on it with a thumbs-up icon.)

Angela: (views poster) Angela-approved?! That's not even my thumb!

Tom: Don't you worry. We're gonna get this guy.

Ben: (holds "CEO for Mayor" button) Here, wear these so we blend in. (puts on button)

(Tom and Angela put on their buttons. They all go into the crowd and hide behind a bush.)

(Ben spots a tent with the speakers.)

Ben: Ha! Now, we need to get to the music tent without being seen. I propose that we map a route-

Tom: (shouts) Hey, everyone, free flags way over there! (points to location)

(A crowd cheers and runs to where Tom points to.)

(Tom, Ben and Angela sneak behind the music tent.)

Ben: (holds up phone) Okay, now all I have to do is find the Wi-Fi... (gasps) speaker wire?! They couldn't spring for Wi-Fi?

(The CEO appears onstage.)

CEO: Oh, yes, thank you, voters. Yes, yes, it's really me. Yes. Now, who here is ready for the "CEO for Mayor" problem-solving cheer?

(The crowd cheers. The CEO stops the applause.)

CEO: What are we gonna solve?!

Crowd: Problems!

CEO: What are we tired of?!

Crowd: Problems!

CEO: What do local, garage-based app companies cause?!

Crowd: Problems!

CEO: Now, let's listen to a song that captures the can-do attitude of our problem-crushing campaign!

(The screen begins to play Angela's song.)

Angela: He's about to play my song to this enormous cheering crowd! Which is terrible. It's the best-worst problem I've ever had! Oh, that'd make a good song.

Ben: I need more time. Stall!

Tom: (on phone) Operation Scoot-Storm is a go. Over.

Hank: Copy that, Traitor Joe!

Tom: Hey, I never agreed to that nickname!

Hank: Roger that, (giggles) Traitor Joe! (ends call)

Tom: Ugh...

(Scene cuts to the stage. Ginger and Hank ride their bikes onstage and circle the CEO.)

CEO: Huh? (chuckles) What a great thing to happen at my rally! Let's hear it for the... surprise biking boys!

Tom: You're doing it, guys! You're distracting him!

Hank: Nailed it!

Ginger: Hank, let's switch rides!

Hank: No, Ginger, you're too young!

Ginger: Oh, come on! I want a turn!

(Ginger jumps off his bike and tackles Hank off his bike. They continue fighting on the floor.)

CEO: Hey! Okay, that's enough! You were fun, but now you're a problem! And you know my position on problems!

(Hank and Ginger are thrown offstage. Their bikes are also thrown off.)

CEO: Now, where were we?

Angela: Hurry up! They're about to play my song!

(The speaker has several wires.)

Ben: This is impossible! What kind of a maniac uses un-color-coded wires?!

Angela: I can find it! It's my song.

(Angela holds her hand against the wires.)

CEO: Alright, my official campaign song! Let's hear it for... Angela!

Ben: There's no conceivable way being the writer of the song will help you know which wire-

Angela: (holds red wire) It's this one. I can feel the rhythm.

(The CEO's music begins playing. Ben plugs his phone into the wire, creating a powerful shockwave. The crowd screams, the screen turns to static and the CEO is knocked back.)

(The crowd gasps as the speakers break.)

CEO: (gets up) What was that?! (sees Tom and gasps) You! Security!

(Ginger appears with the scooter.)

Ginger: Get on!

Tom: Ginger! Wait, where's Hank?

Ginger: Maybe don't worry about that so much! Let's ride!

(Tom, Angela and Ben get on the scooter and Ginger rides the scooter away.)

Tom: Hey, so much for the CEO's campaign song, huh, Angela? Am I still your manager?

Angela: Sure, Tom, but in the future, try to find out who's buying the song before you sell it, okay?

(Ginger finds the CEO already standing at the front of the garage.)

Ben: (gets off scooter) Hey! How did you get here before we did?

CEO: Well, I have a helicopter! (chuckles)

Tom: Look here, CEO, I know you're here to beg for that song back, but it's gone. Poof! Forever.

CEO: That's not why I'm here! I'm checking out the future site of the town's new toilet store! People say we don't need another toilet store, but I think I can make it happen... when I'm mayor!

Angela: What are you talking about?! We destroyed your song and messed up your rally.

CEO: Aw, who cares?! No one's even running against me! Probably because they're all so scared of my success! I'm going to be mayor, and on Day 1, I'm going to put Tom and Ben Enterprises out of business forever!

Tom: Wha- you can't do that!

CEO: Oh, you don't say? (shakes behind) I can yes! I can yes! Something, something, yes, yes!

Angela: Tom, he's shaking his butt and messing up the lyrics! What are we supposed to do now?

Tom: (sighs) The only thing left to do- we beat the CEO in the election. That's right, I'll run for mayor. And I'll win! The CEO might have fans and supporters and power, but I've got- hey, wait, are you even listening?!

CEO: (chuckles) No, why would I?

(A helicopter ladder appears.)

CEO: Helicopter away! (leaves)

Tom: I know you can't hear me over that helicopter, but this isn't over!

(To be continued...)

(Credits roll)