Glove Phone/Transcript

Female customer #1: That's a supercool ringtone.

Ruby: I know. Isn't it?

Tom: Yes! We're next!

Hank: Finally! We've been standing in line forever. Ooh, my knees are locking in place. Listen.

Tom: We've all made sacrifices. But it's worth it, because after two days and three nights of waiting, we're some of the first people in the world to own the greatest tech gadget of all time ever this year. The GlovePhone.

Hank: Yes! GlovePhone! What's a GlovePhone?

Ben: Uh, it's the latest in wearable tech. Part glove, part phone. All GlovePhone. I'm confident that a few years from now, all clothes will be computers.

Angela: Really? Computer clothes? Great. Those will look perfect with my calculator earrings.

Pitchman: Sorry everyone, this is just in on the GlovePhone. We are all out of GlovePhones. You'll have to come back another time.

Tom: Wha?! What?! But...no... we've been waiting here for days!

Pitchman: That's the spirit. Hey, don't think of this as failing at buying a GlovePhone. Think of it as succeeding at standing in line for a really, really, really long time.

Tom: But we were next!

(The scene cuts to the theme song)

Hank: Look, I made my own GlovePhone. See, you can put your pictures on it like this.

And you can even post them on social media! If social media is the fridge.

Can you get a triple megapixel palm display on that thing?

I don’t know what that means

Because the real GlovePhone can!

If it’s broken, you’re paying!

Everybody, calm down. It’s hard, I know. But we can get through this.

How can I stay at the cutting edge of technology

if I don’t own the technology at the cutting edge?!

I don’t know! I was trying to be strong for both of us! Argh! This so hard.

Did somebody say “GlovePhone”?

Yeah, I guess in the last minute or so someone did, yeah, why?

Because I could have sworn I heard GlovePhone. Or maybe I was just...

looking at my hand!

What?! How’d you get that?

My parents paid someone to stand in line.

Did you know some bozos waited, like, three days for one of these?

Woow...Pssh. What a bunch of bozos.

I know, right? One of you send me a text!

02:55

Hand-controlled motion sensors. Super intuitive.

02:59

It’s like, this is what my hand naturally wants to do anyway.

03:02

And if I want to open up a weather app, I just do this...

03:08

Come on! I own you!

03:11

It’s cloudy. See.

03:13

Let me try. I want to see if the thumb sensors are as cozy as I’ve heard.

03:17

If you think I’m gonna let you use my GlovePhone,

03:20

I’m gonna ask you to “talk to the hand”.

03:22

“Talk to the hand!” That’s the slogan for the GlovePhone! It’s in all the ads.

03:27

Talk to the hand.

03:29

Argh! That is such a good slogan!

03:38

Come on, Ginger. We’re your friends! Let us try the GlovePhone!

03:44

Eh, I don’t know. I sort of just came over here to gloat.

03:49

Come on, there’s gotta be something we can work out! Just name it.

04:01

Okay. Here’s the deal. We shoot this super sweet kung fu video for you,

04:07

and in exchange, you let us use the GlovePhone! Deal?

04:14

I’ll think about it! Hyah! Chop! Chop! Kung fu backflip!

04:24

Ok edit that so it looks like I did a cool backflip. And make me on fire.

04:29

I guess, given enough time, I could try to...

04:33

Oh, you could try? I guess I’ll try to think of a time that I can let you use the GlovePhone.

04:40

Hang on, Ginger! Who said try? No one said try. Ben will add fire,

04:46

and what if I threw in something to sweeten the deal?

04:49

My secret stash of TV collectibles? But it’s secret!

04:53

Come on, Hank. Help us out here.

04:55

All right, if it’s important. But be careful, there’s really valuable stuff in there!

05:00

That napkin is the same color as one they used on “English Party Mansion.”

05:04

What a show.

05:08

Pretty impressive stash i guess.

05:10

Impressive enough to get a look at that GlovePhone?

05:14

No touching!

05:16

Stop right there. What if...

05:20

You want me to call my contacts in the music industry

05:24

and get Ginger a front row seat at the Teen Romance Music Festival?

05:28

Is it so hard to believe we’re just doing it out of the goodness of our hearts?

05:36

Oops, I’m getting a call on my GlovePhone.

05:38

I’ll take it in the hall. If you’ll excuse me.

05:41

This is Ginger. Talk to the hand!

05:44

Did you see that?

05:45

Are you just doing this so that you can use Ginger’s GlovePhone?

05:49

Whaaaat? That’s crazy. What are you talking about? Yes. Yes we are.

05:53

Look, I get it. But you can’t just do a million favors for Ginger so you can use it.

05:58

We’re not doing a million favors for Ginger.

06:01

We are just doing one...complex thing for him.

06:05

I mean where does it end. Think about it. If you get this ticket,

06:08

you’re going to owe me a favor. Don’t you see, you’re falling into a black hole of favors!

06:14

Is it a wormhole black hole of favors?

06:16

A black hole? Isn't that one of those dangerous science things?

06:21

Angela’s right... the GlovePhone isn’t worth it.

06:24

Maybe it’s not. But you know what else they said wasn’t worth it?

06:28

Finding the world's first dinosaur bones.

06:30

Climbing to the top of the moon.

06:33

Sailing to Mount Everest!

06:35

I mean, everyone said those people were crazy.

06:38

They said they should just sit at home and fluff their pillows.

06:41

But they showed them!

06:43

And we’ll show them, too! Because we are gonna get that GlovePhone!

06:51

All right, so this didn’t work out great. But after all we’ve done for Ginger,

06:55

he owes us that GlovePhone. And if he’s not going to give it to us.

07:01

We’re gonna have to take it.

07:15

Potato One, this is Wild Bandit. Come in Potato One.

07:18

I see you, Tom.

07:19

You mean, “I see you, Wild Bandit.” Over.

07:25

Whatever. For the record, I’m still opposed to sneaking into

07:28

Ginger’s house and stealing the GlovePhone.

07:31

Over.

07:32

Over.

07:36

It’s not stealing. We’re just going to take it without asking.

07:40

He owes it to us.

07:41

Over.

07:42

I don’t know, it feels wrong.

07:44

The time to think about right and wrong ended when I put on this super cool black hat.

07:48

Now the hat is on, and we’re doing this.

07:52

Ok. Sure, lets do it.

07:54

Over.

07:56

Over.

07:58

So, is lookout in position?

08:02

Roger Black Hat. I’ve got a view of the area.

08:05

Anything I need to know? Over.

08:08

Well, there’s a squirrel in the tree to my left.

08:11

There are two flowers in the ground beneath me. There are no rocks nearby.

08:18

Repeat.There are no rocks nearby. Wait I saw one.

08:22

Keep going inside and you should be in a big hallway.

08:27

You want to stay to your left. Left...right...forward...yes right, should be it.

08:35

Beyond that door in front of you is the room we’ve determined to be most likely

08:39

to hold the GlovePhone!

08:47

Do you see it?

08:49

No, I’m in an empty room. But, there’s a briefcase in the middle of the floor.

08:54

That doesn’t sound right. My research doesn’t indicate any briefcase-themed

08:58

charging device for the GlovePhone...

09:02

It’s just a picture of Ginger sticking his tongue out.

09:04

It’s like he is making fun of somebody or something.

09:06

It’s a trap! Wild Bandit, get out of there!

09:11

Very good.

09:13

Oh Ginger.

09:15

You’ve passed the test.

09:17

Test?

09:19

The test of friendship, Tom. The test to see if you would let your

09:23

jealousy over the fact that I had a GlovePhone consume you. You did!

09:30

Or should i say, failed the test.

09:32

Wow. So you can even clap your hands while wearing the GlovePhone?

09:37

Because I had read we weren’t gonna be able to do that until they released the GlovePhone 2.0.

09:41

Oh no, you can’t.

09:43

Oh, no.

09:45

You broke it.

09:48

Aw, man! My butler's butler waited in line for this forever!

09:53

So after all that, nobody has a GlovePhone! That’s insane!

09:58

This is Night Hawk. Over. I think the lesson to be gleaned from all this is,

10:02

that things are fun to have, but what really matters in life

10:06

are the people---and the friendships

10:07

Hank, what’s that? Night Hawk, you’re breaking up. Repeat,

10:12

I repeat. Night Hawk. Repeat.

10:15

Ha! It looks like nobody’s technology is behaving today!

You called the cops?!

I would call them and tell them not to come, but i dont have my GlovePhone. Somebody broke it.

Nobody listens to Potato One….

...You can live without the pickles...

-He's living in our midst. A pingpong wizard. -This is my garage.