The Deep Secret/Transcript

(The friends are at Angela's apartment. The friends are dressed in Victorian-style costumes, and Angela is holding a game box.)

Angela: Okay, so the man at the store said this mystery game will be a bonding experience, or it will tear our friendships apart. I'm hoping for bonding!

Hank: (holds up character card) Ooh! My character is Dr. Moreau, a suave, French physician. Enchanté.

Ben: (holds up character card) And I'm Detective Mulholland, a hard-nosed lawman with a past. Hm, I was hoping to play someone a bit less like myself, but, oh, well.

Ginger: (uses cellphone) I'll tell you who I am in a minute! I almost have enough quartz to make a drawbridge in my city builder game- hey!

(Angela takes Ginger's cellphone away.)

Angela: (puts phone in bowl) No phones allowed, Ginger. Or should I say... (reads card) Sebastian, the little butler?

Ginger: Oh, man! Can I at least be a dinosaur butler?

Angela: What? No! That's not how this works. (calls Tom) Tom, we're about to start the mystery!

(Tom is in another room, adjusting his outfit.)

Tom: Just a minute! Hm, does this tie say... (in British upper-class accent) "Bartholomew Wellington, international spy?" (makes finger guns) (laughs)

(Tom notices a book on Angela's bed.)

Tom: Hmm, the code book, I presume. (reads book cover and gasps) (in normal accent) Angela's diary? Where she keeps her deepest thoughts that she can't tell anyone?! Uh... (stutters) I'd better pretend I didn't see this. (drops book) Or, I could just read it. (picks book back up) But just one word. One innocent word.

Diary: (in Angela's voice) "Tom..."

Tom: (gasps) "Tom!" Okay, I'll read two innocent words.

Diary: (in Angela's voice) "Tom can't..."

(Tom flips the page.)

Diary: (in Angela's voice) "Tom can't know my secret."

(Tom gasps.)

(Theme song plays)

(Tom is still in the bedroom, thinking about what was written in Angela's diary.)

Diary: "Tom can't know my secret..."

Tom: Her secret? What’s her secret? (flips through diary) You can’t write that and not explain it!

(Angela appears.)

Angela: (offscreen) Tom?

Tom: (yelps and drops diary) Secret- I mean, Angela? Uh, 'sup?

Angela: What’s taking you so long? We're all waiting for—

(Angela notices her diary out in the open.)

Angela: (laughs nervously) Oh, wow. It is such a mess in here. (locks diary in cabinet) Much better, right? Don’t you think that’s better? (laughs nervously)

Tom: (laughs) Yeah, you keep a tidy room.

Angela: (continues laughing nervously)

Tom: (looks at cabinet) Hm...

(Scene cuts to the living room. Angela collects the friends' cellphones in a basket.)

Angela: (clears throat) Thank you all for joining me, Madame Cassandra, for an evening of refreshments and mystery!

Hank: Ooh, I like both of those things!

Angela: You see, somebody in this room... is a rotten jewel thief!

Ben: (holds up magnifying glass) Hmm...

(A collage is shown of the friends portraying the characters.)

Angela: One of us has a deep, dark, secret.

(Ben and Hank laugh. Ginger is seen with his cellphone.)

Angela: (points to Hank's card) Is it the doctor...

(Hank silently giggles.)

Angela: (points to Ben's card) ...the detective...

Ben: Hm.

Angela: (points to Ginger's card) ...the butler...

(Ginger looks at his phone.)

Angela: (points to Tom's card) ...or the spy?

Tom: (angrily) What about the lady, huh? Could the lady have a deep, dark, secret? Hm?

Angela: I suppose you'll have to find out.

Tom: I suppose I will.

Angela: (rings bell) Okay, we have a half-hour to talk to each other and look for clues! Then we gather back together for the "Plot Thickens" round.

(Scene cuts to Angela interrogating Ben.)

Angela: He doesn't look like a jewel thief.

Hank: (interrogates Ben) We can do this the easy way or the hard way! I'm going to ask you some questions!

(Tom pulls Ben aside.)

Ben: Whoa!

Tom: Psst, Ben, I need to ask you something.

Ben: I'm sorry, Mr. Wellington, I believe you have me mistaken for somebody else- some lousy sap named Ben.

Tom: No, I really-

Ben: (shushes Tom) Ah-bap-bap-

Tom: Ugh, fine. (in British accent) Might I have a word, detective?

Ben: Make it snappy.

Tom: Right, so, I think that Ang- uh, Madame Cassandra is hiding something, but I can't just ask her. Or do you think I should just ask her?

Ben: Now, listen, Wellington, if you directly question a lady, she'll confound and misdirect you! If I was you, I'd search for a clue first.

Tom: Clues?

Ben: Yeah, see, that's what the game is all about. Seriously, Tom, that's the game.

Tom: Hm. (leaves)

Hank: (confronts Ben) Cozying up to the spy, eh? I'm watching you, Mulholland. (eats popcorn)

(Scene cuts to Ginger. He using his phone while hiding it under a few cards.)

Angela: Lovely evening, isn't it, Sebastian? (takes card)

Ginger: Uh, if you say so.

Angela: (reads card) It says here that you were seen admiring Mr. Haberdash's prized ruby collection two days before the very same jewels were stolen! Seems awfully suspicious to me.

(Tom sneaks into Angela's bedroom.)

Ginger: Mm-hm, artfully suspicious.

(Angela takes another card from Ginger, revealing his cellphone underneath. His city building game is shown.)

Angela: Ginger!

Ginger: Aw, come on, I have to water my yam garden so my city can get prestige!

Angela: There were no phone video games back in mystery times!

Ginger: But- what if my mom calls and I don't answer, and she gets worried that I'm stuck in a barrel again? I don't want my mommy to worry!

(Angela puts the bowl of phones on a ledge outside the window, by the fire escape.)

Ginger: Nooo!

Angela: (closes window) Well, she's just going to have to wait until after we solve the jewel mystery.

Ginger: You'll be sorry you messed with Sebastian the little butler!

(Scene cuts to Tom searching Angela's closet.)

Tom: Come on, clues. You can't hide forever. (finds photos of Tom with Angela) Huh? Oh. What am I doing?

Voice: (in British accent) What's necessary.

(Tom finds that the voice is coming from his character card.)

Tom: Huh?

Card: Bartholomew Wellington. Charmed.

Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not real. You're just the character that I'm supposed to be playing.

Bartholomew Wellington: Your mind created me to help with the mystery of your girlfriend's diary. With my spy skills and your ability not to be stuck on a card, we're sure to crack this nut.

Tom: No. I- I've betrayed Angela's trust enough already. If she's keeping a secret from me, I'm sure she has a good reason. I am done snooping. (walks away)

(The card pulls Tom back.)

Bartholomew: This way! I bet there's a doozy of a clue in her emails. Always check the emails.

Tom: Stop! You can't- wait, do you really think that there's something there?

Bartholomew: I do, which means you do, too, because I am your mind. (winks)

Tom: Hm.

(Tom opens Angela's laptop and plays a video in her inbox.)

Ruby (on video): Angela, you two are going to be so good together. Tom doesn't know, right? Ugh, he is, like, sooooo hot! Thank you for trusting me with this secret. Tom is going to freak when he finds out.

(Tom gasps. Hank finds Tom.)

Hank: Wellington, what are you up to?

Tom: Uh, investigating. Leave me alone!

Hank: Oh, the tangled webs we weave.

(Scene cuts to the living room.)

Angela: Time to reveal another clue. (reads card) "Knockout gas attack: whoever reads this has to lie down and close their eyes for five minutes-" What?

Ben: Sure, unconventional. But that's the name of the game, isn't it, sweetheart? (faints)

(Angela and Tom faint.)

Hank: Oh, uh- (faints)

(Ginger is seen near the apartment door.)

Ginger: (whispers) Sorry, not sorry. (sneaks out)

(Tom wakes up and sneaks to the kitchen.)

(Scene cuts to the kitchen.)

Bartholomew: It appears that Angela's been seeing some other chap. I, for one, am gobsmacked, and I do not gobsmack easily.

Tom: (paces back and forth) How could she? Who is this clown?

Bartholomew: It is time to focus. You must find her mobile phone.

Tom: You're right. She must have called this guy. If I find the phone, I'll find her secret and crack the case.

Bartholomew: Now you're thinking like an international spy!

(Tom sneaks to the window.)

Tom: Bingo jackpot- (hears crunching noise and ducks down)

(Hank is seen eating popcorn while pretending to be unconscious.)

(Tom exits through the window, finds Angela's phone and searches it.

Tom: Okay. Let's see. (reads subjects) Me, me, Ben, me...

Ginger: Tom!

(Ginger appears, having climbed back up the fire escape.)

Ginger: Get your own secret spot!

Tom: What are you doing out here? Go back to the party before Angela gets suspicious!

Ginger: Ohh! I was here first, and the sidewalks of my digital city aren't going to power-wash themselves!

Tom: Ginger, I am trying to solve a mystery!

(Tom tries to shove Ginger through the window. They both fall through and are confronted by the friends.)

Angela: What do you think you're doing?

Tom: Um... uh, checking to see if the butler did it. Can't be too careful, right?

Angela: Ugh! Since everyone is having such a hard time focusing, we're just going to skip to the accusation round. (rings bell)

Ben: I've got an accusation, alright! It's clear that somebody in this room has a terrible secret.

Tom: Yeah, you said it, buddy.

Ben: That somebody is... Bartholomew Wellington!

Tom: What?

Angela: I second that accusation!

Tom: Okay, look, I'm not the jewel thief, okay? You're missing the point.

Ben: You've been using all kinds of classic diversion strategies all night- sneaking around by yourself, doing everything you could not to participate in the party.

Ginger: That makes sense! Tom did it! Can I have my phone back now?

Tom: (screams) I'm not the stupid jewel thief! And if I was the jewel thief, I wouldn't hide something like that from people I care about. No, I would be upfront about it, so that no one found my secret accidentally, which is more than I can say for some of you people. Specifically you, Angela!

Ben: (whispers to Hank) Tom's finally getting into the game.

Angela: Hm, I'm not the jewel thief! I swear!

Hank: (in French accent) When the rat is cornered, that is when it is at its most dangerous.

Tom: Oh, give it up, Angela! Your secret is out! I know everything!

Angela: Uh...

Tom: Or, at least, almost everything! I know something!

Angela: Uh, I really am not the jewel thief.

Tom: Unbelievable! I trusted you! (storms out)

Hank: I am the jewel thief!

(Angela chases Tom out on the sidewalks.)

Angela: Okay, Tom, what is going on? You've been acting super weird all night.

Tom: I know about your secret with the guy that's "sooo hot." You tried to keep it from me, but I found out.

Angela: You did? I'm sorry. I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Tom: A surprise? You kept a terrible secret from me so that when I found out I'd be surprised?! Well, mission accomplished, I guess!

Angela: Why are you so mad? Doing a music video with Ricky de Luna is a huge opportunity!

Tom: You're doing... a- a- a music video?

Angela: Yeah, but I didn't want to tell you until I was totally sure it was happening. What did you think was going on?

Tom: I just... assumed... secret... hot guy...

(Tom and Angela laugh.)

Tom: Wow! I feel really stupid.

Angela: Come on, dude. Be less paranoid.

Tom: Ooh! So this is a big misunderstanding. Oh, man! See, when I read your diary, then I saw this email, I was-

Angela: (stops laughing) Hold on, you read my diary?!

Tom: Right. Uh-huh, then I was going through your phone-

Angela: (angrily) I can't believe you, Tom!

Tom: Oh. Can we go back to a few seconds ago when we were laughing?

Angela: Ugh! (storms off)

Tom: Angela! Angela, wait! (sighs)

Bartholomew: Oh, well, now. It seems I've led you astray. (mockingly) Awk-warrrrrd.

(Tom angrily throws Bartholomew's card into the air.)

Bartholomew: Wheeeee! Wait, no, there's a puddle! Puddle!

(Bartholomew lands face-down in a puddle. Tom throws his top hat away.)

Bartholomew: Are you still there? I can't see you. I landed face-down. I don't even care. I like it in this puddle. It's like my own little swimming pool. La-di-dah! Okay, I was lying. Tom, pick me up. Tom? Tom!

(Credits roll)