Ben's High Score/Transcript

[The episode begins at the Studio with Tom, Ben ready to start their video]

Tom: And we’re live streaming!

Ben: Hello, Flapsters! Ben here! Welcome to today’s edition of “How To Be Less Lame At My Game.” This is Hank. Hank is a complete novice. Hank, will you confirm for everyone that you’ve never played the game “Flappy Talking Tom”?

Hank: Only because you’ve never let me!

Ben: Hank, focus! Now I’m gonna show you - and our viewers - how to succeed in this game... Well maybe not succeed, but at least enjoy your certain failure. Okay, Hank, are you ready to flap?

Hank: I’m ready, Ben! -

Ben: Off we go, let’s flap!

(Cuts to theme Song)

Ben: Okay, Hank, begin whenever you’re ready. In a way, Flappy Talking Tom is a metaphor for life… At first it seems like you’re always getting knocked to the ground, but if you keep trying, eventually you’ll start to make it past the few minor obstructions.

Hank: Like this?

Ben: Yes, just like... Hey, how’d you do that?!

Hank: How did you not do that? These first columns are easy.

Ben: Yes, that’s true. They were set up to give you a false sense of achievement... Now, the game will get harder, so be sure to think about what’s coming at you, and don’t take your eyes off the screen - not even for a second.

Hank: Hey, Angela. Did you see that re-run of "Coffee Shop Pals" last night?

Angela: I did! It was…

Ben: Angela, please! This is a serious game, it requires complete concentration!

Hank: Hey look! I am flying!

Ben: Now when Hank crashes here any second now I’ll give you an inside tip you’ll need to know to get past this impossible part that nobody… What?! No no no no! No... no... no!

Angela: He did it! - What?!

Tom: Yes!

Ben: Watch this. The secret to staying alive at this level is… Oh… This game’s stupid. Stupid cheating game!

Hank: Oh hey, hi, thank you, thank you!

This is impossible!

No one is this good their first time.

Game over.

Woo! That was amazing!

And hilarious! Hank’s better than you and he wasn’t even trying!

Can we cut? Cut the feed.

Sorry, Ben. I guess I’m just way better than you!

Where did you get the source code?! You cheated! I know you cheated!

- Cheated? I just did this with my finger… - Then your finger cheated!

Break it up, break it up!

Who gave you the code?!

Ben, it’s just a high score on a video game. What’s the big deal?

It’s not just a high score, it’s my whole world view! I’m a thinking man, Tom!

If someone like Hank can beat me without even trying, why bother being intelligent at all?

I’ll tell you what, since this is bothering you so much...

and it is embarrassing for our company, we’ll take down the video.

Hey guys, the clip of Ben yelling at Hank just hit a million views!

Like I said we’ll keep that video up, because there’s no such thing as bad publicity!

Yes there is!

So here’s the plan: You versus Hank! A “Flappy Talking Tom” showdown!

Live on the Internet! We’ll call it:

The Barrage In the Garage!

Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, Hank, the greatest natural talent to ever press

a screen takes on Ben! Our former champion, a genius among smart people,

in an app battle to determine:

The heavyweight flappionship of the world!

Hi, everybody! It’s me - Talking Tom and with me always is Angela.

Welcome to “The Barrage in the Garage!”

And who could forget the last clash of these two tapping titans?

It looks like we’re about ready to start here! Let’s go to the referee for the official countdown.

And the Barrage In The Garage is under way!

Ben takes an early lead...

While Hank... seems to have wandered off somewhere.

Pretty risky game plan from Hank. We’ll see how it plays out.

Ah, novice!

Pretty basic three-tier pipe layout so far.

Nothing a simple swinging arc can’t handle.

You got this, Ben.

I think it’s gonna be kind of hard to eat a sandwich and play the game at the same time.

Wait a second, Tom! He’s through the first column!

And the second! And the third! Wow, what a game!

Could Hank actually catch up to Ben and prove he’s top dog?

And speaking of dogs, we invite our viewers to enjoy a delicious Let’s Be Frank hot dog!

They snap when you bite ‘em just like a hot diggity dog should! Right, Angela?

Whatever you say, Tom. Now let’s get back to the match!

Right! It looks like Hank is still eating a sandwich!

And now he’s switching hands to get a better hold... and somehow he’s still going!

Oops. Hey, Ben? Did you see that? The tomato saved my life!

What?! That is not how you play my game!

Noooo!

Oooh, looks like Ben will be starting over from zero. Gotta hurt.

Let’s hear what the fans are saying.

Haha, here’s a good one:

Ben, you are the worst player ever.

Oh and this one:

Ben, Hank is going to beat you at your own game.

That’s true!

This game is impossible!

No, it’s easy! You go over the bottom columns and under the top columns.

- No. That’s not how you do it! - Well that’s how I do it...

You have to look for patterns and remember what worked the previous times you saw that pattern.

You have to study and prepare and think about what you’re going to do next!

Think?

Yes! agh! Okay, Ben. Calm down and focus. Science must prevail.

Okay, Ben is back at it. His start is great and his fly path is steady and well thought out!

But somehow Hank is still eating! And wining!

And down goes Ben!

But somehow he is the winner! The number one high score!

Game over.

Ben, are you okay?

Flappy Hank?

Noooooo!

- Ben you won! - I did?

- Yes, you did. You are the champion. - I am!

How did you do it?!

Well, Tom. It was just a matter of my precision, my intellect, my planning, and trusting

in the intelligence of the mind.

Wow! Ben how does that feel?

Well, I’m happy about the victory, but putting the high score so far out of

reach... That was the real achievement.

No, I mean, how does it feel to have your high score broken so quickly?

I say what now?

Seconds ago, another gamer playing live just shattered your record.

What? Who?!

It’s me, I’m Ginger, I’m the best, number one, oh yeah, I did it!

Here he is now, your new champion!

How did you do it?! I’ve got to know!

Yes, how did you do it? Did you use the power of thought like Ben?

Or did you clear your mind like Hank?

Neither. The game’s just easier for me because I have small fingers.

- Well I quit forever. - Me too!

Tap! Press press press! Tap tap press! Press press tap!

(music)

(episode ends)