Genius Test/Transcript

(Scene shows a stadium. Ginger commentates a soccer game, but is also shown as a player. Ronnie is shown as a goalie.)

Ginger: (commentates) And the crowd sits on the edge of their seats, watching as Ginger lines up for the game-winning kick!

(At the classroom, Ginger flicks a ball of paper. The "soccer game" is really Ginger playing table football.)

(Ms. Vanthrax catches the ball of paper.)

Ginger: Aw, come on, Ms. V, why do you hate fun?

(Ms. Vanthrax throws away the ball of paper.)

Ms. Vanthrax: I have my reasons! Now, listen: the school wants you all to take an exam that tests for extraordinary intelligence. Frankly, I find this entire class to be impressively unimpressive.

(Darren is seen sleeping in his desk.)

Ms. Vanthrax: But, this is your chance to prove me wrong.

Ginger: Ugh, tests are the worst! Can't we just watch a movie instead?

Ms. Vanthrax: Just take the test, Ginger! (puts exam sheet on Ginger's desk)

(Ginger groans. A short montage is shown of Ginger taking the test.)

(The bell rings and the class leaves.)

(A fast forward is shown leading to the morning after.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Ginger, my desk. Now!

(Ginger groans and goes to Ms. Vanthrax's desk.)

Ms. Vanthrax: I'm speechless. Never in all my years of teaching have I seen anything like this.

Ginger: Wow, I must have bombed that test good! Oh, well, can't win 'em all.

Ms. Vanthrax: You didn't bomb. You received a perfect score! I can't believe that I'm saying this, but... you're a genius!

Ginger: A genius? (gasps)

(Ginger imagines being known in society as a genius. A montage is shown.)

(Ginger carries a heavy backpack to school.)

(Ginger is seen studying, only for the stack of books to fall over.)

(Ginger is then shown being given a wedgie by Darren.)

(End of montage)

Ginger: No, there must be some mistake. I'm a regular kid. A regular kid!

(Theme song plays)

(Ginger walks to the garage.)

Ginger: (to friends) Guys, I got some awful news. I took a test at school, and it turns out, I'm a genius! (collapses)

Ben: You?! I have a hard time believing... (sees test paper and drops items) It's true!

Ginger: I don't get it! I barely even tried when I took that stupid thing!

Angela: And the answers came to you anyway? Wow, you must really be special.

Tom: Yeah, even Ben didn't get a perfect score when he took the test in school.

Ginger: (gasps) So now, I'm smarter than Ben?

Ben: Ginger, I am sorry I never saw your potential before, but that ends now! As of now, you are a colleague, and I grant you access to... (unlocks drawer) my collection of reference books!

(The drawer opens, showing that it is filled with books. The shelf is extremely long.)

Ginger: Ugh, pass. (walks away but notices cake) Can I take a piece of this cake before I go home and hide forever?

Tom: Well, we were saving that for our company anniversary...

(Ginger sighs.)

Tom: ...but you know what? Chocolate is great brain food! You should have it instead!

Ginger: Wait, you're letting me have free cake just because I'm smart? (gets idea) Uh, can I borrow all your Dino Wrestler video games, so that I can, you know, entertain my busy mind?

(Hank and Tom run to the television to get the video games, then run back to Ginger to give him the video games.)

Hank: Is there anything else we can get you, Your Braininess?

Ginger: Huh, maybe this isn't so bad after all!

(A montage is shown of Ginger receiving special treatment due to his test score.)

(Ginger is biking to school, only to find the bike racks were full.)

Ginger: Oh, man, there's nowhere to park!

Woman: Oh, there's plenty of extra room in the gifted lot.

(The gifted lot contains people polishing bikes.)

Ginger: Wow!

(Scene shows Ginger at lunch. The lunch lady puts a piece of gray meat on Tonya's tray.)

Ginger: Ugh, mystery loaf again?

Lunch Lady: Not for you, brainiac. We bake jumbo donuts for the smart kids!

(The lunch lady places a large donut on Ginger's tray.)

Ginger: Woo-hoo!

(Ginger speaks with Ms. Vanthrax in the hall.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Today's subtraction lesson is too simple for a genius like you, so you can spend the day in the advanced virtual learning room!

(Ms. Vanthrax opens a secret room. Inside the secret room is a virtual reality room.)

Ginger: Wow, virtual reality swordfighting? Finally, something I want to learn!

(Ginger goes to the garage. Ginger is bouncing a ball, and Ben is near a curtain.)

Ginger: (to Ben) Why'd you ask me back here? I have important plans involving a super-bounce ball and fragile stuff.

Ben: Prepare to embark on a quest for invention. A playground for the mind itself!

Ginger: Huh?

(Ben opens the curtain, revealing a laboratory.)

Ben: I built you your own labaratory!

Ginger: What am I supposed to do with this?

Ben: Anything! Question, hypothesize, disrupt!

Ginger: Uh, this is boring. I'm gonna get back to my super-ball.

Ben: B-b-b-but what's so intellectually stimulating about that?

Ginger: It's a genius thing, Ben. You wouldn't get it.

(The bouncy ball gets out of Ginger's control and bounces around the garage, knocking over many of the things in Ben's lab. Ginger whistles and leaves.)

(End of montage. Scene cuts to the classroom, where Ginger is on a lounge chair sipping a milkshake.)

Ms. Vanthrax: (teaches class) So, with eight sides, you might say the octagon is twice as fun as the square, but you'd be wrong, because shapes don't have personalities!

(Ginger yawns.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Oh, dear, my lesson is boring the smart kid. I'm very sorry, Ginger. Perhaps you could suggest something more interesting to study today?

Ronnie: Seriously? You want Ginger to choose what we learn about?

Ms. Vanthrax: Of course! I'm nowhere near as intelligent as he is. Why should I decide what's important to teach?

(Ginger burps.)

(Scene cuts to the candy factory. The class visited the factory as a field trip.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Keep your hands to yourself! Don't put your tongue on anything!

Female Student: Wow, Ginger, I can't believe you convinced Ms. Vanthrax to take us on a field trip to the candy factory! This is incredible!

(Scene cuts to the marshmallow room.)

Factory Worker: Here, we have our marshmallow tanks! These are full of boiling marshmallow mix, which'll later be cooled and molded into tasty treats!

(Darren is about to eat a lollipop.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Uh-uh-uh-uh, don't touch anything!

(Darren puts down the lollipop.)

Ronnie: Hey, hey, what would happen if one of those things exploded?

Factory Worker: Every square inch of this burg would be buried in hot, molten, sugary, liquid marshmallow goo. But that could never happen! (bangs on tank)

(The tank rumbles.)

Intercom: Code White. Code White. Ten minutes until marsh-meltdown.

Ronnie: Marsh-meltdown?!

Factory Worker: (runs to control panel) No! Don't worry, kids, I can stabilize these tanks! I just need to balance the ingredient levels...

(The factory worker fails to stabilize the tanks.)

Factory Worker: No! (hits buttons frantically) Oh, this one. Eh, I don't know what buttons to press! To figure this out, you'd have to be some sort of genius!

(The word "genius" echoes.)

(Ginger licks a lollipop. The entire class looks at him.)

Ginger: Uh, what?

(Scene cuts to the garage. Ben is studying the test paper.)

Ben: (to himself) Come on, Ben, you idiot!

Angela: Ben, you shouldn't be so mean to yourself. You have to spend the rest of your life together.

Ben: This test is impossible! It's no wonder my attempts to connect with Ginger on an intellectual level have failed. I'm incapable of comprehending his complex mind! I- I give up! (bangs table)

Hank: (walks by and looks at test paper) Nice smiley-face drawing!

Ben: No, Hank, this is Ginger's test. (looks at test) What the- (gasps)

(Ben notices that Ginger's answers look like a smiley face.)

Ben: Pavlov's pants! He was just making a picture with his answers!

Angela: Huh, Ginger must have used that "make-a-picture-of-a-smiley-face" test-guessing technique! I used to do that when I was stumped in school.

Ben: Do you know what this means?

Tom: Ginger isn't a genius! He's just a really, really lucky guesser.

Ben: Exactly, and more importantly, I'm the smartest guy in the room again! All is right in the world!

(A news broadcast plays on the TV.)

News Reporter: All is not right in the world today as a marshmallow tank at the candy factory is at risk of exploding!

(A photo of Ginger is shown on the screen. The friends gasp.)

Reporter: Luckily, a young genius who happened to be at the factory is expected to solve this sticky problem.

Hank: Whew! Good thing Ginger's there. (remembers) Oh, right.

(Scene cuts back to the factory. The alarms blare.)

Ginger: (thinks) Mm...

(A girl screams.)

Ms. Vanthrax: (whispers) I don't want to pressure you, but you are a genius, which means you're the only one who can save our lives. Please hurry up.

Ginger: (to himself) I can do this. Let's go, brain.

(Scene cuts to the factory entrance. The friends enter.)

Automated Voice: One minute until marsh-meltdown.

Tom: Hurry! We have to get out of here before we all turn into s'mores!

(Hank spots Ginger through a window.)

Hank: Look, there he is!

Friends: (bangs on window) Ginger! Ginger! Ginger!

Ronnie: (pushes Ginger's chair to control panel) Come on, Ginger, do something!

Tonya: Yeah, come on, this should be easy for you!

Ginger: (sees friends through window) I can't believe it! My friends came to cheer me on!

Ben: Ginger, get out of there!

Ginger: (does not hear Ben and waves to them) They put themselves in danger just to come support me! They must really think I can do this!

Tom: Don't do anything! You'll kill us all!

Ginger: (does not hear) If they believe in me, I believe in me. I'm gonna save this town!

(Ginger starts pressing buttons on the control panel.)

Ben: Well, this is the end, everyone.

(The ground begins to rumble. A girl screams.)

Ginger: Row 3...

Automated Voice: Marsh-meltdown in 5...

Tom: We gotta get out of here!

Automated Voice: ...4...

Ginger: I got it, I got it, I got it...

Automated Voice: ...3... 2...

Friends: Ginger! Don't do it!

(Ginger presses the final button just in time, averting the explosion.)

Automated Voice: Marsh-meltdown averted.

(The class and friends cheer.)

Class: Yay! He did it!

Ms. Vanthrax: Alright, well done!

Factory Worker: He's a genius!

Student: Bravo, Ginger!

(The friends enter the marshmallow room.)

Ginger: (to friends) Guys, I saved the town! I didn't know if I could do it, but then you believed in me, and so I could!

Tom: About that, how did you know which buttons to press, huh?

Ginger: Easy! I stopped thinking and the answers just came to me!

(Ginger reveals that the pattern of buttons on the control panel makes a smiley-face.)

Ben: But tha-

Tom: That kid really is a lucky guesser.

Ben: That's it, we need to put a stop to this. I'm going to tell him the truth-

Angela: (covers Ben's mouth) Ben, wait! Ginger believing he was an actual genius gave him enough confidence to save the town! Just think what he could accomplish if he keeps thinking he's gifted.

Tom: I mean, maybe part of being a genius is having people believe in you! If we support him, Ginger could end up being an astronaut. Or a president!

Hank: Or an astronaut president! (rimshot plays)

Ben: I guess I haven't thought about it that way. Maybe we shouldn't tell him the truth!

Ginger: Good news! I just got hired as the candy factory's safety manager! I'm droppin' out of school, baby!

Friends: (gasps) You're not a genius!

(Credits roll)