Strategic Hot Mess/Transcript

Tom: Man, I’m excited! Angela’s show is going to be the greatest musical event since the first caveman banged two rocks together.

Hank: That’s even greater than when a different caveman invented the bone flute.

Tom: Way greater. Did you bring the Angela concert T-shirts?

Tom: Hank! The design! It’s gone!

Hank: Weird, right? Did you know that when you’re washing shirts, you don’t have to use the entire bottle of bleach? I do now…

How can these be Angela concert T-shirts if they don’t even have Angela on them?!

Whatever. At least we can still sell the glow sticks.

Glow sticks? Oh, you mean the candy tubes?

Angela: Hello, everyone! Thanks for coming out! This first song is about a cool party I heard about.

Anyways this is one of my favorites! One, two, three!

♪Yesterday? But my invitation says today…♪

Women: Excuse me! Singer?

I’m sorry, but could you keep it down? My baby is trying to sleep.

Angela: OK, but I mean, if you wanted it to be quiet, why did you come to a concert?

Women: So you think because we’ve got babies we’re supposed to stay cooped up in the house all day?!

Angela: No no no no. I just mean, since I’m all set up, don’t you want me to rock this street?

Women: Quietly maybe!

Angela: ♪And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Angela will buy you a diamond... and you’re asleep.♪

Thank you. My name is Angela! Rock on. No rules. Party... Music...

Tom!

Tom Hey, that was... a quiet show, but I really liked what I was able to hear.

Angela: Why do I even do gigs like this? They do nothing for my career.

Tom: Good question, Angela. Angela, why do you do gigs like this?

Angela: It’s this stupid manager app Ben made me! It’s worthless!

Manager App: Hey, Angela, you really rocked it today at the - Afternoon Street Show.

Angela: Last week, I sang on a garbage boat for a bunch of birds!

I think this app just picks random spots and tells me they’re concerts.

Did you at least sell some T-shirts?

Tom: Yeah, the shirts...

Hank: Uh, I had a little laundry malfunction, but my cool sketch saved the day. I think.

Angela: That doesn’t even look like me!

Hank: Of course not. It’s you if you were a hot dog.

Angela: I am not a hot dog! And I don’t surf! I sing!

Ben: “5 Photos of Out-of-Control Angela Flipping Out.”

Angela: Have you seen this?!

Tom: Uh-oh.

Angela: Out-of-Control?! Do I seem out-of-Control to you? Well do I?!

- No! - Not to me.

No! Maybe just a little.

It’s so not fair. I flip one table and now my music career is over?

Your career’s not over.

People who appreciate talent, like me, will come watch you rock every street in the neighbourhood.

And I’ll watch you on every garbage boat in the sea.

Thanks, you guys.

Who even took these pictures?

Yeehaa! Ride’em cowboy!

I did! Those are nothing! I saved the really crazy pics for the bigger websites.

What?! Ginger, why would you do this to me?!

I think what you mean is why did I do this for you?

What’s this now? Angela’s number 20 on ClickFeed’s “Hot New Celebrity List?”

-Woow. -Cool.

Read the comments.

Wow, these are all good. Listen to this one - “Angela is my idol. Here’s a link to one of her songs.”

I know what am I doing. And as your new manager I have a plan to get you to the to the top of the “Hot New Celebrity List.”

You can’t be my manager, you’re seven.

Plus, Angela already has a manager.

You mean this thing?

- Wait! -Don’t delete me! - Oops!

Congratulations, Ginger! You’ve just become my image consultant.

Hi everyone, I’m Brenda Blake with the ClickFeed “Hot New Celebrity List.”

Hot New Celebrity Angela flipped out again, this time at a charity poker event.

Turning the tables on these crooked card counters takes Angela up to number fifteen on our “ Hot New Celebrity Hot New List.”

I don’t know why you even want to be on that list. It doesn’t have anything to do with talent. It’s just about drawing attention to yourself.

But the higher my name goes on that list, the bigger my fan base, and the more people who can possibly learn about my singing talent.

The people who make that list, don’t care about singing talent.

They will, after we take it to the next level.

What’s the next level?

A boyfriend!

A boyfriend?

Yeah, you know - on-again-off- again... dates... kissing in public... These shows love drama.

A boyfriend has nothing to do with being a singer! Do you see what happens when you listen to Ginger?

And that boyfriend should be played by Tom.

… He comes up with some pretty great ideas. I will do it!

Thank you so much for coming on this fake date with me, Tom.

You’re welcome. And we don’t need to keep calling it a fake date.

Right. Let’s make this look real.

I like real.

Tom?

Yes, Angela?

I know things have been crazy lately with my singing career…

What singing career? You haven’t been up on stage since you ripped up all those T-shirts.

This isn’t how I’d normally act, and Ginger isn’t someone I’d normally listen to, but hey, it’s working.

If getting famous is your only goal, then sure, I guess Ginger’s plan is working.

I just think you’re talented enough to get famous for your music.

Thanks, Tom. So, do you think we can pull off a believable fake kiss?

There’s only one way to find out.

Who wants crab legs?!

Ginger! What are you doing?!

I got enough dating shots, so I raced over here to save you from kissing.

Yuck. But these “happy couple” pics are useless without a loud breakup.

Tom, just follow my lead.

I’m sorry, Tom, do you mind playing along?

And Action!

Tom, this isn’t working out. I think we should end it.

Whoa! That’s a little too real.

“Why?” says the boyfriend.

Because you’re selfish and immature.

Selfish and immature? Me?!

Good! Now the selfish immature boyfriend throws food.

Stop! Hey! Quit throwing crab legs at me!

Now, let’s bring in the waiter.

That’s me.

Hello, I am a waiter. Throwing food is not allowed.

You, hashtag Angela, and you, hashtag boyfriend are kicked out!

Now I will tell everyone on social media about this dramatic breakup.

And cut! I can make that work. You got this, Tom?

-Thanks. -See you.

Oh, thank you, Tom!

Thanks to this video for the break up with the crabby unattractive boyfriend.

Angela has clawed her way to number 1 on today’s “Hot New Celebrity List!”

You can catch Angela in her “Getting Over My Breakup” concert, which will stream live later today.

Another celebrity who thinks she can sing... Sorry, Angela. Your big talent is flipping tables, so I think I’ll be one of the many ClickFeed fans missing this show.

You’re a celebrity now. You don’t need talent... Isn’t that why we’re doing this?

Forget it!

We go live in ten minutes!

What’s her problem?

So, what’re you gonna do?

I don’t know. This live feed will be my biggest audience ever, but most of them don’t want to hear me sing.

Well, your real fans can’t wait to hear you sing.

And if someone is only watching because some lame celebrity gossip show put you on a list,

their opinion isn’t that important.

Am I interrupting anything? No? Good. I have an idea!

I don’t want to hear it.

Great. A lot of fans from ClickFeed Are going to be tuning in. So it’s really important you give them what they want.

And what do they want?

Well, they don’t want you to sing!

Look, you can sing if you want, but I just think it’s better to just flip out and start wrecking the stage. That’s what this audience wants from you. Bye!

And we’re live streaming!

Well, Angela. Decision time. Be an out-of-control celebrity... be a great singer... combine the two. Do whatever you think is best for you.

Welcome to the live-streaming event you’ve been waiting for! This! Is! Angela!

One-two-three-four!

What? I fell completely off the Hot New Celebrity List?

Yes, but don’t panic! We can bounce back. We’ll get you thrown off a bus or something…Just don’t sing for a while!

No, Ginger. From now on, I’m going to focus on the music. No more fake boyfriends, no more stupid lists, and no more Gin—

You’re fired! Ha! I fired you first. You never fired me. Bye!

I still don’t get it. I thought I sounded okay.

Okay? That was the greatest musical performance since the first caveman banged two rocks together!

Thanks for your support, Tom! You’re the best!

So now that your career is back on track, I’ve been thinking about how we almost you know kissed at the diner.

-Oh, the fake date. Awkward, right? -Yeah.

Tom, is Angela your girlfriend?

Can it, Hank.

Tom and Angela… sitting in the tree.

k-i-s-s-i-n-g!

Stop it, Ginger.

(Roll credits)