The New CEO/Transcript

(Scene cuts to the friends running to the couch.)

All: Hey, come on! Come on, guys!

Jeremy: Wh- what's going on?!

Hank: Hurry, we're gonna miss it!

Jeremy: Yeah, hurry, we can't miss it! Hey, what is "it?" I saw everyone running and I joined in!

Ginger: There's gonna be a huge surprise live on TV!

(Ben turns on the TV.)

Ginger: Maybe aliens landed, or they discovered a new dinosaur! An alien dinosaur!

(Tom drags Ginger offscreen. The TV shows the CEO talking to the press. Darren is also onscreen.)

CEO (on TV): Hello, I'm here to introduce the big TV surprise: it's me!

(The friends groan.)

Tom: Oh, man! I'm changing the channel.

CEO (on TV): I'm leaving town today!

Ginger: Yes!

CEO (on TV): I'm going on a world tour of my company's many hotels. Some would call it a long vacation. I call it hard work... with pool time! And while I'm gone, my company will be run by my most trusted advisor, someone who I know will do an amazing job.

(Darren smiles, expecting the position.)

CEO: (pushes Darren away, revealing his goldfish) My goldfish, Goldie!

(The crowd gasps.)

Darren: What?!

CEO: Good luck, Goldie.

(The friends gasp.)

CEO: Now, it's time to vacation! I mean, work hard. (flies away on jetpack)

Darren: No, uncle, wait!

(Darren holds onto the CEO's jetpack just before he takes off. Darren flies into the air and falls off.)

Reporters: Goldie! Goldie! Goldie!

(The friends laugh.)

Angela: Whoa, Hank, it looks like your old friend Goldie just got a huge promotion! You go, girl!

Hank: Oh, I don't know! Running a big company sounds tough! I hope Goldie's up for it.

(Hank's phone rings.)

Hank: I sure wouldn't be. (answers phone)

(The CEO's secretary, Pilar, is on the other end.)

Pilar: Hank, we need your help running this big company!

Hank: But that's the thing I just said I don't want to do!

Pilar: You have a special bond with Goldie, and nobody else understands her, so you need to be our new Fish Assistant!

(Hank drops the phone in shock.)

Pilar: See you tomorrow! (ends call)

(Hank appears shocked.)

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the CEO tower. The office appears to be in an anarchist state, and people are heard screaming. Hank enters the office.)

Pilar: Welcome to the world of business!

Hank: Um, I'm just here to help my friend.

Businesswoman: What does he want?! Tell us what the fish wants!

Hank: The world of business makes me uncomfortable.

(Hank and Pilar reaches the CEO's office.)

Pilar: (laughs nervously) Looks like we've got an office jokester. Everybody loves business. Now, I'll leave to you figure out our new leader's fishy wishes!

(Pilar drags Hank inside the office and shuts the door, leaving Hank alone with Goldie.)

Hank: (to Goldie) Goldie, old friend! Boy, have you come up in the world! Congratulations on the big promotion!

(Goldie shows no reaction.)

Hank: Ah, I-I get it, I understand. So, what's the plan? Sell some stocks? Send some faxes? Invest in some investments?

(Goldie looks away. Hank laughs nervously.)

(Scene cuts to the park. Tom is doing yoga when his phone rings. Tom answers.)

Tom: Hey, Hank, how's the working world?

Hank (on phone): Really bad! Goldie doesn't care about this stuff, but the executives all want me to tell them what she wants, and... well, she doesn't want anything! What a disaster!

Tom: More like "what an opportunity!" Just make stuff up. I mean, you can do whatever you want.

Hank: I don't really want to start lying on my first day of work, Tom.

Tom: It's not lying, Hank. It's bending the truth to make the world a better place.

(Hank exits the office.)

Hank: (to workers) Goldie has made a decision!

(The crowd gasps.)

Hank: She wants the company's new focus to be... helping everyone in town and just kinda making the world a better place. Heh, that's the truth, okay?

(The crowd approaches Hank and cheers.)

(A montage is shown of Hank making decisions for Goldie.)

(Hank's workers hand out balloons to the people in the street.)

(Hank cuts the red ribbon to a loop-the-loop in a road.)

(A truck parks in Tom's driveway. The back of the truck opens, revealing a large stash of jellybeans. Workers in the truck throw jellybeans at Ginger. A limousine also parks in the driveway, giving Tom a ride.)

(End of montage. Scene cuts to the CEO tower. The friends ride the elevator to Hank's office. When the elevator opens, they find a party in the office.)

Hank: (to partygoers) Hey, Craig, see the game last night? Amy! We got that permit for the rock-and-roll waterpark. Rock n' roll!

Angela: Wow, Hank, I barely recognize this place. I mean, the walls are the same, but now, everything is fun!

Hank: Ooh, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

(Hank takes the friends to the CEO's office. Inside the office is many recreational devices, such as a basketball hoop and arcade machines. The friends cheer.)

Ginger: This is incredible! (hugs goldfish) I wish all businesses were run by a fish.

Tom: Goldie's actually more of a figurehead. The real ideas come from our buddy, Hank. And that idea came from our buddy, me.

Angela: Wait, Hank, you got all of this for yourself? That seems selfish.

(The tone becomes sinister.)

Hank: (starts pacing) The truth is, something's has been bothering me. I feel that I need... (takes out laser guns) a team to play roller-laser-tag with! Anyone interested?

(The friends play laser tag while on rollerskates.)

Hank: (refers to empty snack container) Hey, that snack silo's running a little low. I'll tell somebody Goldie wants it refilled.

(Hank takes the fishbowl and exits the office, only to find it empty.)

Hank: Uh, oh, Goldie. Guess we goofed off longer than we thought. Everyone must've gone home.

Voice: Not everyone!

(Hank turns around to find Darren.)

Darren: How are you enjoying the job that should have been mine?

Hank: Oh, it's pretty tough! That Angela's a menace with a laser-blaster.

Darren: I know what you're doing. You're trying to make Uncle CEO's company your own personal playground!

Hank: Darren, that's not true! I'm making the world a better place... by doing only the things that Goldie wants.

Darren: (holds fishbowl) Goldie is a dumb fish! She doesn't want anything!

(Darren pushes the Hank against a wall.)

Hank: But, I, uh- (fires laser gun) Goldie says you're fired!

(Darren gasps.)

Hank: Hey, I wanted to talk her out of it, but then, you were mean to me, so I think it's best that you go. (starts leaving)

Darren: (follows) Wait, no, I was kidding! Making a silly joke between two businessmen. (pretends to laugh) See? I'm laughing. I don't want to go. I love what I do here!

Hank: (shouts) I said go!

(Two security guards appear and drag Darren away, sobbing.)

(Scene cuts back to the office. Hank pours himself a mug of juice.)

Tom: Woo! Ready for a rematch, Hank, or what?

Hank: (drinks juice) Not now, guys. I'm not in the mood.

Angela: But we're just getting started! (fires laser gun)

Hank: (shouts) Not now!

(Hank tries to flip over the desk in anger. Several items fall over, but the desk does not flip over.)

Tom: (shocked) O... kay. Look, guys, we should go, okay? Let's go.

Hank: (to Goldie) Don't look at me like that!

(Goldie bubbles.)

Hank: I did what I had to do, right?

(The sky turns to stormy night. Thunder is heard.)

(Hank goes to the window. He sees the reflection in the window, only for the reflection to transform into the CEO's image.)

CEO (in reflection): You're right, Hank.

(Hank steps back. The CEO's eyes turn red.)

CEO: You're always right! Now, give us a power smile! (cackles)

(Hank starts laughing.)

(Scene cuts to the garage.)

Tom: I need to speak with Hank!

Ben: Let me talk to him! Let me talk to him!

Tom: (over Ben's voice) He hasn't been home in a week! No-no-no-no-don't leave me on hold again! (sighs) Aaaand they hung up.

(The friends groan.)

Jeremy: Oh, maybe we can find out what's going on with him from his press conference he's givin' on TV!

(The friends sit on the couch. The TV is shown.)

(Hank appears on TV. He wears a blond wig and suit.)

Hank (on TV): It's time for this company to announce our next big change. I have... uh, I mean, Goldie has... bought every TV channel. From now on, the only show broadcast anywhere will be my favorite show, Bongo and McGillicuddy! You're welcome, and we are paying for this by cancelling all our current current world-improving projects. (starts leaving) Don't blame me, blame the fish.

Ben: Hank has lost it.

Tom: This is all my fault! I told him to take over the company. It seemed like such a good idea!

Angela: You gave him a lot of power and he got a lot of corrupt. It's almost like those two things are related!

Tom: Well, they're not gonna be related for long. Come on, let's go get our friend back!

(The friends cheer.)

(Scene cuts to the CEO tower. A group of people place a painting of Hank on the wall.)

(The friends enter the building's first floor.)

Tom: I want a meeting with Hank... now!

(A TV screen appears from the ceiling. Hank appears.)

Hank (onscreen): Sorry, Tom, but you don't have an appointment and we're very busy. We're getting office haircuts.

Angela: Hank, this isn't you. You're turning into a bad guy.

Hank: (laughs) Angela, that's ridiculous. (slams table) Remove these garage people from the building at once! So says the fish!

(Three businessmen appear, ready to fight with suitcases. They run towards the friends. Ben screams.)

Tom: Oh, no!

Ginger: Let me handle this! Eat candy!

(Ginger spills a jar of jellybeans on the floor, causing the businessmen to slip and fall.)

Tom: Hurry! To the elevator!

(Scene cuts to Hank's office. The friends enter.)

Tom: Hank, enough is enough. You're coming home.

Hank: (sighs) Alright, Tom. You have made your way through all my people. I suppose you've earned a meeting, but first, could you take three steps to the right?

(The friends move to the right.)

All: Absolutely, that's no problem.

Hank: (whispers) Oh, that's perfect. (pushes button on desk)

(A cage appears from the ceiling, trapping the friends. Hank laughs evilly.)

Ben: Have you gone insane? Let us out!

Hank: I can't do that, Ben! I have an appointment to join an executive golf club.

Angela: No, not golf! There's no coming back from that, Hank!

Hank: I'm sorry, but that's my ride. (carries goldfish) Come on, Goldie, let's copter!

(Hank finds that the fishbowl is empty. He finds that Goldie has escaped the fishbowl, hopped onto the desk, and is about to press the button.)

Hank: (gasps) What are you doing?! Don't press that button! Don't you dare!

(Goldie hops onto the button, raising the cage.)

Hank: Goldie, you betrayed me!

(Tom puts Goldie back in her bowl.)

Tom: It looks like Goldie finally made a real decision, and now you need to decide what's more important: your job, or your friends.

Hank: But Tom, you said this was an opportunity! And then, I, well, I got so many nice things that...

(Goldie glares at Hank then turns away.)

Hank: Oh! (rips off wig and hugs Tom) This place has turned me into a monster! I don't even like golf! (sobs)

Angela: Oh, I know, Hank. Golf is awful.

Tom: Okay, let's get out of here before another one of us gets a job, huh? Okay?

Hank: Agreed. I think we've learned that there's only one of us who can handle the power of this position.

(Angela and Hank open the window curtains. Tom places the fishbowl on a pedestal.)

Hank: The company is in your hands- er, fins. Good luck, Goldie.

(The friends leave.)

(The sky turns to stormy night. A reflection of Goldie appears in the window. The reflection is dressed like the CEO and cackles.)

(Credits roll)