Dude Ranch Showdown/Transcript

Act I
(Angela hums when an upset Ginger walks into the garage, grabs a cup, and starts crying.)

Angela: Ginger, why the long face? You look like the saddest cowpoke in the West.

Ginger: Today is my school's family field trip to the dude ranch, and my parents had to leave town for work, so I can't go! (sips and throws cup away)

Ben: But, hey, the dude ranch isn't so great. It's hot, the tech leaves much to be desired and it smells like dust.

Ginger: Nice try, Ben. My dad and I were gonna win the father-son beanbag shootout.

(A flashforward is shown of Ginger accepting a trophy. The crowd throws Ginger into the air and cheers.)

Ginger: I've been bragging to my friends about how I was gonna crush them! Now, the only crushed thing... is my dreams. (sobs)

Hank: Too bad you don't know any other responsible adults who can take you.

Tom: (gets idea) Ah! We can be your parents for the day!

Ginger: You'd really do that for me?

Tom: Let me put it this way. (takes cowboy hats) Ta-da! (throws hats to Ben and Angela) Then let's mosey on out and hit the ol' dusty trail, because family fun awaits us!

Ginger: Yes!

(Theme song plays)

Act II
(Scene cuts to the dude ranch. The friends enter.)

Ginger: (sees Ronnie) Howdy, Ronnie.

Ronnie: Howdy, Ginger! Ready to get beaned?

Ginger: Hmph! All right. (stares at Ronnie angrily)

Ronnie: Meet my dad!

(Ronnie's father appears. In contrast to his son, he is extremely muscular. He squeezes a beanbag.)

Ginger: Whatever, Ronnie. My fake dad, Tom, and I are gonna kick your butt!

(Ginger and Ronnie square up and look at each other.)

Angela: Easy, boys. The shootout isn't until high sundown. There's a lot more dude-ranch to do before then.

Hank: I want to ride the mechanical bull!

Ben: I wouldn't say no to a refreshing sarsaparilla.

Tom: Hang on, everyone. We should ask Ginger what he'd like to do. After all, this day is all about... Roy?!

(Roy is seen singing to children.)

Roy: (strums guitar and sings)

Where seldom is heard,

A discouraging word,

And the skies are not cloudy all day.

(The children cheer and applaud Roy.)

Tom: (sternly) Howdy, Roy.

Roy: (cheerfully) Hey, my favorite neighbors! Heh, what brings you 'round these parts?

Tom: Well, Ginger's parents couldn't take him on this trip, so I kindly stepped up to make sure that he has the best day ever.

Roy: Whoa, that's so nice! And really similar to what I'm doing. I asked the school if they needed a chaperone, you know, to come make sure the kids have fun. In a way, it's like I'm dad to all of 'em.

Angela: Wow, Roy. That sounds super rewarding.

Roy: Well, I don't do it for the rewards, but I'll always take your compliments. (tips hat and winks)

(Tom growls.)

Ginger: Tom, you're not about to get all distracted by Roy again, right? You know that usually does not end well.

Tom: I wa- you're right. Roy, today isn't about us.

Roy: I completely agree, Tom-o! I'm glad you don't think I'm volunteering here to cover up something evil that I'm doing. Obviously, that would be silly, wouldn't it?

(Tom stares at Roy angrily.)

(Scene cuts to the front of the barn. Tom teaches Ginger to throw horseshoes.)

Tom: Now, the key to tossing horseshoes is throwing it up, but not out. (throws horseshoe)

(The horseshoe lands on the stake perfectly.)

Tom: Yes!

Ginger: Whoa! Okay, my turn! Hwah! (throws horseshoe)

(The horseshoe hits an outhouse.)

Man in Outhouse: Hey! Ocupado!

Tom: You're getting better. No one got bashed in the knee that time.

(Tom searches for the horseshoe. He finds it.)

Tom: Ah-ha! (hears music) Hm?

(Tom finds Roy leading a group of dancing children and parents. He plays the guitar.)

(At the end of the song, Roy tips his hat, causing a folded sheet of paper to fall out.)

Roy: All right, let's get lunch!

(Roy's group leaves. Tom goes to the paper and picks it up.)

Tom: (opens paper) What are you up to now, Roy? (gasps)

(The paper is what appears to be a treasure map with an 'X' marked on it."

(Hank and Ben appear. Tom hides the map behind his back.)

Hank: Tom! Check this out! I caught a real tumbleweed. Ooh, what do you have there?

Tom: Not something Roy dropped, because I have not been following him...

(Ben and Hank are suspicious.)

Tom: Okay, all right, I know, I know, I know, I shouldn't get distracted by Roy, but look at this! (holds up map)

(Ben and Hank gasp.)

Ben: An X!

Tom: It's a map of the ranch. Why would Roy have this? We have to find out what's going on, so let's just pop out really fast-

Ginger: Tom? Are you going somewhere?

Tom: Hey there... kiddo. Uh... listen, um, something important came up and I have to run out for a little while.

Ginger: But... what about the beanbag shootout?

Tom: I'm gonna be back in time, I promise.

(Ginger sighs. He backs out of the way as Tom, Ben and Hank leave.)

Tom: Sorry.

(Scene cuts to the desert outside the dude ranch. Tom, Ben and Hank walk through, panting.)

Hank: Ah, it's so hot! Does that map say if there's an ice cream stand with a really comfortable couch in the area?

Ben: Tom, you promised Ginger you'd be back in time for the beanbag battle.

(Tom sees Roy laughing before running behind a rock.)

Tom: (gasps) Wait. There is somebody out there!

Ben: Huh?

(Tom runs behind the rock to confront Roy.)

Tom: Ah-ha!

(Roy's chuckle is heard but not seen.)

Roy: Tom, you are turning out to be quite the pebble in my shoe. Ooh, what am I up to, huh?

Tom: Huh? Roy! Where are you?

(Roy is seen.)

Roy: (chuckles) Catch me! (runs into mineshaft)

Hank: What did you see, Tom? A jackalope?

Tom: It was Roy! He's up to something. Come on, follow me! (pursues Roy)

(Scene cuts back to the dude ranch. Ginger has a beanbag in hand. He sighs sadly.)

(Angela appears in a cactus costume.)

Angela: Ginger, check out the costumes they let you wear in the old-timey photos!

(Angela points to the photo booth. Several children are lined up and a costume box is seen.)

Angela: I'm a cactus!

(Ginger sighs sadly.)

Angela: What's wrong?

Ginger: My parents ditched me, and now, Tom ditched me too. (throws beanbag)

Angela: Tom will be back in time. And if he isn't... I'll be your partner! (tries to pick up beanbag in costume) Uh, um... heh. Oops, sorry. Uh, I just have to get out of this costume first. (tries to remove costume) Uh, ow! Oh. Well, this is a bit of a pickle.

(Angela continues struggling to remove the costume, but falls.)

Ginger: Come on, Tom. Where are you?

Angela: Ah! Ow! Ooh! Ah!

Act III
(Scene cuts back to the mine. Tom enters the mineshaft using his phone flashlight.)

Tom: Roy! Where are you?

Ben: I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe he didn't go into the dark and creepy mine?

Tom: That can't be true. We're not losing him now. We're so close! Argh! (kicks rock)

(A metallic clank is heard. Roy's laugh is heard.)

Tom: Hm? Huh? (sees Roy) Roy!

(Roy is riding away from Tom in a minecart.)

(Tom gets into a mineshaft.)

Ben: Wait!

Tom: Just get in!

Ben and Hank: Huh?

(Ben and Hank get on the minecart. The minecart starts chasing after Roy.)

(The friends scream as the cart makes a nosedive.)

Roy: (laughs) You'll never catch me, Tom!

(The friends continue travelling through the roller-coaster-like twists and turns of the rails.)

(After completing a loop-the-loop, Tom's cart closely approaches Roy's.)

Tom: That's it! We've got him! (reaches Roy's cart) Rrrrgh...

(Tom manages to grab Roy.)

Tom: Yes! Wha-

(All gasp.)

(The object that Tom grabbed was nothing but a shovel and hard hat. Roy is nowhere to be found.)

Tom: I don't understand. Where is Roy?

Ben: I may know, Tom, but you're not going to like hearing it. See, I think the desert was messing with your mind.

Hank: Deserts are known to do that.

Tom: That can't be. I know what I saw!

Ben: You know what you think you saw. But could it have been a mirage?

(Tom gasps.)

(A flashback is shown of Tom seeing Roy for the first time in the desert.)

Tom: There is somebody out there.

("Roy" was nothing but a tumbleweed.)

(Flashback cuts to Tom at the front of the mineshaft.)

Tom: Roy, where are you?

(Tom sees a tumbleweed rolling into the mineshaft and mistakes it for Roy.)

Tom: Ah-ha!

(Flashback cuts to Tom in the mineshaft.)

Tom: Rrrgh! (kicks rock)

(The rock hit the minecart, which made it start moving.)

Tom: Roy?

(Flashback ends. Scene cuts back to present time.)

Tom: No...

Hank: Although, to be fair, that shovel really does capture Roy's chin.

Tom: I ditched Ginger to chase a mirage. All he wanted was family fun and I messed it up.

Act IV
(Scene cuts to the beanbag contest.)

Cowboy: Okay, buckaroos. Rules are simple. Last un-beaned man standing wins.

(The children are lined up with their parents.)

Cowboy: On your marks, get set...

(Ginger, who is alone, sighs.)

(Scene cuts back to the mineshaft.)

Ben: If my sense of direction hasn't failed me, those tracks head back to the ranch!

(The minecart approaches an end of the rail.)

Tom: (gasps) Hank!

Ben: (takes shovel) Hank, get ready to turn us!

(Ben places shovel into the rail, causing the minecart to fly into the air.)

(The minecart lands perfectly on a rail.)

All: Yeah!

(Scene cuts back to the beanbag contest.)

Cowboy: Shootout! (gets hit by beanbags, grunts)

(Ronnie's father fights for his son while Ronnie hides in a barrel.)

Ronnie: Wah, oh! Whoa!

(Ginger retreats and hides behind a barn.)

Ginger: I'm never gonna forgive you for this, Tom.

(At the mineshaft, Tom crashes through one of the mineshaft's blocked-off exits and rides toward town. They yell and cheer.)

(At the beanbag contest, Ginger hides behind an outhouse but is confronted by Roy.)

Roy: Hey there, buddy. Where's Tom?

Ginger: He's not here! He ditched me.

Roy: Oh, no. Sorry, Ginger. Heh, heh. But a beanbag war's a beanbag war!

(Roy holds up his beanbag ready to hit Ginger.)

(At that moment, Tom's minecart appears from the sky.)

Roy: Huh?

(The minecart lands and narrowly misses Roy.)

(Roy angrily grunts at the minecart, but is hit with many beanbags.)

(The minecart stops moving by Ginger.)

Ginger: Tom! You came back!

Tom: Thought you could use a little help, partner. (passes beanbag to Ginger) Now, how about we finish this thing?

(Tom runs to where Ronnie's father is located. He hits him with a beanbag.)

(Ronnie reaches out of the barrel, but is hit by Ginger.)

(Tom and Ginger finish off the remaining contestants.)

Tom and Ginger: Woo!

(Roy is dizzy from all the beanbags and falls to the ground and farts.)

Act V
(Scene cuts to a table at sunset.)

Ginger: This trophy is taller than I am! Thanks for being my dad/partner.

Tom: No problem, Ginger. I'm just sorry that I almost let Roy and his dumb map get in the way of family fun.

Angela: Uh, Tom? That's a Little Cowpokes activity placemat. The kids here get them free with their lunch.

(Angela tries to let go of the map, but it sticks to her cactus costume.)

Angela: Ooh. Rah! Ugh!

(The friends laugh.)

(Credits roll)