Friendly Customer Service/Transcript

[The episode begins with Bert and Ernie sitting on the couch, with Ernie talking to the viewers, and Bert looking upset]

Ernie: (to the viewers) Big news: we finally released the big update of the Talking Ben app. Better late than never, right Bert? (nudges him)

Bert: (upset) Tom released it! It's not ready! Now there's so many angry customers, I don't have time to fix the bugs!

Ernie: (soothing him) We'll be fine. I got Hank to help with customer service.

[Cut to some videos of Hank "helping" with customer service]

Hank: (talking to a customer) What? You said the Ben app won't stop burping? I know how that is! (burps on the phone, and laughs) Just like the app now what were you saying again? (call drops) Hello? Hello?

[next video]

Hank: (talking to another customer, while on the tablet) Uh, ha. Uh, ha. The app won't even open? If I were you, I'd call and complain.

[next video]

Hank: (talking to another customer) Uh, yeah, I don't really understand technical junk. But maybe you can help me with a problem. See I got this ingrown toenail.

[Videos end]

Ernie: (sad, while Bert glares at him) And that's why Hank is no longer helping out with customer service. (Talking Tom & Friends Theme song)

[Soon Ernie found something in the garage an old telephone and showed it to Bert and Ginger]

Bert: What's this piece of junk?

Ernie: This is the solution to our sudden increase in customer serviced calls. Say hello to Gilbert.

Ginger: Gilbert? Why is it called that?

Bert: It's named after the two guys who built it Gil and Bert. Great.

Ernie: They were in such a hurry to get rid of it they practically gave it to us. (plucks him)

Ginger: Ahh! (laughs) I bet this is high tech back at the turn of the century!

Ernie: Let's see if Gilbert works.

[Bert presses buttons on the phone and Gilbert picks up]

Gilbert: Hello. And welcome to Customer Service. How can i help you today?

Tom: (excited) Yeah!

Ben: Tech Support.

Gilbert: I think you said "Neck and spork." If this is correct, Press 1. If this is not, Press the asterisk. Followed by the function key followed by the pound sign.

Ben: (confused) Where's the function key on the what?!

Gilbert: I think you said "I don't have a function key." (Shows Ben looking very confused) If this is correct press the function key. If this is not correct press any diagonal sequence of buttons.

[Ben then presses some buttons on the phone]

Gilbert: Not yet. Wait until the tone.

[Ben groans as he waits for the tone]

Gilbert: You waited too long. Goodbye. (Hangs up call with Ben)

Ben: (angrily) You told me to wait! (Ben growls in anger and throws his phone to the ground)

Ginger: (laughs) Real cutting edge technology. Hmm?

Tom: No problem, We'll just have to program it to act more human.

Ben: (annoyed) More human? It's prime directive is to answer questions with the correct answer. Humans are terrible at that.

Tom: No no no no. Answering questions correctly isn't important.

Ben: Then what is important?

Tom: Being friendly. Until you fix all the bugs on our app, We gotta give Gilbert a new prime directive like, Don't let people go until they're your friend.

Ben: (annoyed) Reprogram? That would require something like a... I don't know, A programming genius!

Tom: Well, I understand if you can't do it.

Ben: (annoyed) Of course i can do it!