The Bad Germ/Transcript

Tom: Hold on. Is it time for the Taste of Town food festival already?

Hank: Sure is! But make sure to wear your extra-stretchy pants, 'cause I'm not the only one cooking this year.

Jeremy: That's right! Who wants to try one of Jeremy's famous cookies?

Ben: Ooh, I would love to try a...

Ginger: Cookie! Mmm!

Angela: Mmm! Coconut lemon chocolate chip oatmeal!

All: Mmm!

Jeremy: You know I've always had a dream of becoming a chef. So, when Hank told me about this food festival, I thought it could be my big break!

Tom: Wow! You really left your nasty old germ life behind. I'm proud of you.

* thump, gurgling*

Angela: Did that come from the bathroom?

* clattering*

Nigel: Hey, there he is!

Jeremy: Brother! *chuckles*

All: Eugh!

Angela: Nice to meet you, Nigel. Sorry about the masks. We're just not immune to you yet.

Nigel: Hey, don't flatter yourself, doll. I came here because I wanted my brother to know I've decided to split.

Ginger:Split?

Ben: I believe Nigel is referring to mitosis, the process in which one cell divides into multiple cells.

Hank: Ben, we have a child present!

Jeremy: Wow! A new germ is gonna be joining the family! Congratulations, bro!

Nigel: So, whaddya, whaddya, whaddya say we go out and celebrate, huh? I wanna have some fun on my last night as a single germ.

Tom: Uh, not sure that's a very good idea, Nigel. Jeremy is clean now, and you're... well...

Jeremy: Guys, come on, don't be rude! Nigel is family. Besides, how could I say no to that adorable face?

Hank: Okay, Jeremy, but don't forget, the food festival is tomorrow.

Jeremy: Trust me, me and Nigel are just gonna have some good, clean fun. Woo! The germs are back, baby!

Nigel: [laughs] All right!

Jeremy: Aww. Oh, what a head I've got.

Angela: Oh, look! Jeremy's back from his good, clean fun.

Jeremy: Wait, I did all this?

Ben: You and that sick sibling of yours!

[rock music playing]

Jeremy: Oh, crud! Oh, I am so, so sorry!

Tom: Save it. I thought you had turned a corner. Then I woke up to find ooze in my shoes! Once a germ, always a germ!

Ginger: [sobbing] And look what you did to the precious cookies! Look at them!

Jeremy: My cookies! But I need those for the foo... Oh, no, the food festival! I'm late! Oh, gosh, I'm late, late, late, late, late, late! Hank! I know I'm a little late, but I'm here now and I got my cookies.

Hank: All the booths are taken, Jeremy. I warned you, these food folk don't fool around.

Jeremy: How about that booth by the port-a-potties?

03:52

Grumpy Chef: Hey, slimeball, beat it!

03:56

[sad piano music]

04:03

[sobbing]

04:05

-[toilet flushes]

Nigel: Hey, what's with the tears? You cleaning off your face?

Jeremy: [yells] You! This is all your fault! I was on my way to becoming a chef until you showed up and ruined it!

Nigel: A chef? Oh, brother! You really think these soap-heads would eat your lousy germ food? Come on, look around!

Jeremy: Okay, okay. So these people haven't given me a chance, but my friends...

Nigel: "Friends" who told you not to go out with your own brother. The "friends" always making you feel bad about being gross.

Ben: You and that sick sibling of yours!

Tom: Once a germ, always a germ!

Jeremy: Ah, you're right! They don't really like me. They could never like me. I was foolin' myself. But I am not foolin' myself anymore! I am done fighting who I really am! I am Jeremy the Germ! A tissue-soaking menace to society!

Nigel: That's the spirit! How about we show these scrubbers what we really think of their little festival, huh?

Angela: Do you think we were too hard on Jeremy earlier?

Tom: Sometimes being a good friend means showing a little tough love. I'm sure Jeremy gets that.

05:13

[moaning, yelling and retching]

05:22

-[squelching]

Tom: Hank! Hank, what's going on? Speak to me!

Hank: It all happened so fast.

Ginger: NOOO! The cookies! I can't let the world see what they've done to you!

Angela: Ew! Ginger, no, don't touch those!

Ginger: They deserve a proper burial!

Tom: All right, that's it! Nobody messes with our food, or our friends. We gotta get Jeremy away from Nigel.

Ben: Looks like those two are peas in a petri dish.

Tom: No, this is Nigel's fault. Come on!

Angela: Ugh! This place is grossing me out!

[groaning]

[grunting with effort]

Tom: Oh, Jeremy, there you are!

Jeremy: Get away from me! Go home and wash behind your ears, or whatever you sickos like to do!

Tom: Listen, Jeremy. We know you made a mistake, but it's not too late to clean up your act.

Jeremy: You can't help me! [yells] Can someone help me push this?

Hank: Okay, fine.

Ben: Wait! What does that suspicious handle do?

Jeremy: Uh, not much. Just backs up the sewers, floods the town with sludge.

06:41

[horrified gasps]

06:45

Angela: But the town is our home!

Jeremy: Not for long. When I do this, all the people will leave, and only germs will be able to stay! It'll be a protozoan paradise! And I shall call it Club Crud!

07:02

Nigel: Hey, you tell 'em, bro!

Tom: We won't let you do this. It's gonna take a lot more than two germs to take over this town.

07:09

Nigel: Fair enough.

07:11

[gloopy gurgling]

07:13

Ben: Oh, no, he split! Uh... congratulations?

07:16

[germs growling]

07:26

[ferocious yell]

Angela: Take that!

[mutters]

07:40

[wails]

07:42

Nigel: We need more!

[growling]

[yelling]

Nigel: Do it, brother!

[gurgling]

Angela: No, don't do it, Jeremy! Don't throw away your dreams of being a chef!

Ginger: You have a gift! Your cookies were the best I've ever tasted! See?! I couldn't just leave them at that fouled festival!

Nigel 1: Whoa! He's lyin'.

Nigel 2: He doesn't like your stinkin' cookies!

Nigel 3: He thinks they're gross.

Nigel 4: Yeah. He thinks you’re gross.

Ginger: Don't tell me what I think about cookies! If I thought they were gross, would I do this? It's... actually okay. You can still taste the lemon under all the hair.

Tom: Uh... Ginger is right. [nervous laugh] It really is... good. You know? If you don't look at it.

Angela: Yeah. The coconut, lemon, chocolate and oatmeal are... really masking the mud.

Jeremy: Oh, guys, that's so nasty. But it's so sweet you'd do that for me!

Nigel: Ah, for crying out loud. I guess I gotta do this myself!

Jeremy: No! [roars] I think you've overstayed your welcome, brother.

Nigel: You were always the worst brother. No one in the family likes you!

Jeremy: That's fine with me, 'cause I got a better family right here... My friends!

Angela: You did it, Jeremy! You kicked some bad guy butt. It's finally over.

Jeremy: Not yet, it isn't.

Hank: Wow, Jeremy! You totally saved the festival. Which is good, since you also helped to totally ruin the festival.

Rhonda: Wow! I can't believe this delicious food was cooked by a germ!

Jeremy: I just hope you can accept these tasty treats as my apology for trashing the fair.

Grumpy Chef: A chef always accepts a food-based apology from a fellow chef.

Jeremy: [gasps] He... Oh, boy!

Rhonda: You know, you want a job at the diner?

Jeremy: Oh, that would be... so amazing! But I don't deserve another chance.

Hank: Of course you do. Well, sure, we'd miss having you around the garage, but this is a chance to follow your dream.

Jeremy: I'll do it! Looks like this ended up being my big break after all. What a happy ending, huh?

Tom: It sure was! Everything worked... [squelch] Ooh, my tummy.

Angela: I don't think those sewer cookies were safe to eat!

[squelching and groaning]

[cuts to theme song]