Ping Pong Wizard/Transcript

(Ginger is running around playing with Hank. He is trying to hit Hank with a ball)

Hank: Ha ha! Missed again, noodle arm!

Ben: Can you guys keep it down?

Tom: Yeah, we’re trying to finish Biceptor, our arm-wrestling robot.

Hank: Sorry. We’re playing slingshot tag, and Ginger is “it.”

Ginger: I'm throwing it now!

(Accidently throws ball down)

Hank: Oo, you almost got me there, shortstack! He didn’t really almost get me. I’m teasing him. Wink.

Ginger: Hank, if you’re trying to whisper, you can’t just put your hand near your mouth. You actually have to lower your voice (Whispering)  like this.

Hank: Aww, how adorable. Little fella doesn’t even understand how to whi...

(Ginger launches a watermelon at Hank sending hank flying backward)

Ginger: Ah-ha-ha! You’re “it.”

(Theme song)

Angela: Hank! Hank! Wake up!

Hank: I was having a dream that we were living in a 3-D cartoon...

Angela: Hah imagine us living in a cartoon.

Hank: Wow! (Slips and Falls. Lands on Ben’s invention) Oopsie!

Ben: Hank!

Hank: Sorry. I'll put that right there... Ok,  I see what I did, I see what I did.

Tom: No-no-no-no!

Ginger: Finally, we can play some ping-pong! I’m first!

Tom: No way! Ping-pong is forbidden in this garage.

Ginger: Aw!

Tom: This table has a long and troubled history...

Hank: Yeah. You’re probably too young to remember, little guy.

Tom: Well, I remember. I remember...like it was yesterday...

Ben: And, uh...

Hank: Should something be happening?

Tom: Shh.

Ben: We're waiting for a flashback.

Hank: Oh

Tom: Yesterday!

(THREE YEARS EARLIER. Flashback)

(Tom is hopping on a pogo stick)

Ben: can you please stop that? We need to finish the watermelon launcher.

Tom: Hey Ben, you think I could pogo over the moon?

Ben: Tom, Tom focus. Launching watermelons across football fields is serious business.

Tom: Are you even listening to yourself?

Ben: If we don’t win the watermelon-launching contest and the cash prize that comes with it, we’ll have to shut down the company.

Tom: Lighten up, man! You’re stressing yourself out. You need to relax and have a little fun. That’s why I got us a...

(Angela and Hank coming in with the ping pong table)

Hank: Ping-pong table!

Angela: Hey, Hank. Do you think maybe you could use two hands?

Hank: Angela, then where would I put my ice cream cone? On my head?

Angela: Good point.

Tom: Okay. Let's go. Ben, you're up first.

(Getting ready to play ping-pong)

Ben: Absolutely not. We need to work.

Tom: Oh come on, Ben. You know how the song goes. (Singing) Physical activity increases productivity and ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Poing.

Ben: Who says that?

Tom: Everyone! Scientists, brain experts, ping-pong...ologists...

Ben: I don't know.

(Tom and Ben are now playing ping-pong)

Ben: This. Is. Awesome!

Tom: Told you! It’s nice to see you finally relax. Oh my... (Misses ball) what?

Ben: Game.

Tom: Okay, well now that we’ve had a little fun, we can all get back to work on the watermelon launcher.

(Angela and Hank enter the room)

Angela: My turn!

Hank: I’ll play Angela!

Ben: Actually, the official rule of the garage is “winner stays on,” so you have to play me.

Tom: Come on, Ben. We have to get back to work. “If we don’t win the contest and the cash prize that comes with it, we’ll have to shut down the company.” That was you, right? I mean, that was a spot on impression of you.

Ben: “Winner stays on” is the most sacred rule in the unofficial ping- pong rule book. And I refuse to break it.

Tom: What have I done?

Ben: Step up, junior!

Angela: Ben!

Hank: (Takes paddle from Angela and starts playing) Thank you. Okay!

(A ping pong ball hits Hank’s head and he falls)

Hank: Woah

Ben: Yeah.

(Montage of Ben playing ping-pong and winning every time with the gang, while this is happening, Angela is singing)

Angela: (Singing) Ever since I was a young girl, I thought my game was strong. But then I met a master, and oh baby, I was wrong. If you have to play him, you won’t be out there long...That nerdy tech geek... SURE PLAYS A MEAN PING-PONG! ... He’s a ping-pong wizard, and he’s living in our midst! A ping-pong wizard. Actually... actually exists.

Tom: Ah, Ben is unstoppable. If someone doesn’t beat him in ping-pong and soon, we’re never going to finish our watermelon launcher in time.

Hank: This is just like the episode of “Alpha Squadron Explosion Go!” where Hitoshi has to battle the two-headed samurai ghost.

Tom: You know sometimes I think you make up these TV shows.

Hank: That sounds like something a samurai ghost would say. Where are you hiding your laser sword... Tom-San?

Angela: Wait! I know someone who can beat Ben.

Tom: You don’t mean...

Hank: Hitoshi?

Angela: What? No, Hank. I mean someone who lives right by us...

someone who’s a lord of sorts... a lord...

(Hank thinking)

Angela: ...of the land! I’m talking about the Landlord.

(Hits Tom with a ping-pong paddle and he stands up)

Hank: The Landlord? I don’t know… I mean, look at us. We’re mere land-commoners.

Angela: Relax, I'll ask him. He’s not my landlord.

(Tom, Hank, and Angela go over to the landlords house and knocks on the door)

Angela: Hi, Tom’s landlord.

Landlord: Oh... it’s you...

Hank: Greetings, fair and noble Landlord. Our friend, Angela hath a request of thee.

(Landlord slams his door)

Tom: Okay, we tried.

Angela: Oh come on, we can’t give up yet. Hey, listen. We need your help! We know you’re a former ping-pong champion!

Landlord: (Opens door back) You stumbled on my little secret... But how?

Tom: Well, the door knocker is shaped like a ping-pong paddle.

Landlord: Oh, right, yes.

Hank: And also there’s a sign in the driveway that says “Parking Reserved for Ping Pong Champions.”

Landlord: Okay, fine-fine-fine, yes.

Angela: The giant pile of ping-pong trophies in your yard.

Tom: Also you’re holding a ping-pong paddle.

Landlord: My pong-ping days are over. (Shuts door)

Tom: Please. Look we wouldn’t ask unless it was really important.

(Landlord opens door)

Tom: Someone must defeat Ben, so we can get back to work on our watermelon launcher.

Landlord: Enough. Go away. (Slams door)

Angela: Boy! He sure loves slamming that door.

(Back at the garage, Ben has people over playing ping-pong, including MC and Santa)

Tom: Ben! What the heck’s going on?

Ben: Get out of here, Tom. I've told you before - this is no place for you!

Tom: I can’t believe this! Not only are you sacrificing the future of our company for your ping-pong obsession - but now you’ve filled our garage with “pong scum!”

(Everyone in the garage gasps)

Tom: Oh, you know it's true.

Ben: Winner stays on! That’s the rule! You had your chance to beat me and you failed! So I - the winner - stay on.

(Landlord enters the garage)

Landlord: This is my garage. And I won’t have it filled with low-life pong-ping hustlers.

Ben: So, the rumors are true… Looks like you’re ready for your reckoning, old man...

Landlord: Oh, I’m ready... to knock you off your “pong-estal!”

Ben: On pong!

(Landlord and Ben are now playing ping-pong)

Landlord: The spin...first the spin. There we go.

(Ben misses the ball)

Landlord: So it all comes down to this... Match point.

Ben: Bring it!

Landlord: Up your face! (Serves the ball)

(After several hits, Ben misses the ball and loses)

Landlord: Yes! Champion!

Tom: You did it! I knew you could do it! King Pong!

Landlord: Hehehe. Yes. Don’t touch me.

Tom: Alright, show's over. Come on, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Shoo! Shoo scum! Get out of here! (Minor characters leave the garage)

Tom: Ah... Well, good game, Ben.

Ben: What happened? What time is it?

Hank: 10:30

Ben: Ah, phew. If we work all night, we can still finish the watermelon launcher.

Tom: Now you’re talking!

(End of Flashback)

Tom: And that, Ginger, is why this ping-pong table is now used exclusively as a desk.

Ginger: What happened with the watermelon launch?

Ben: We won, of course.

Tom: Using the rocket-powered slingshot you’re holding now...

Ginger: Wow!

(Shoots Hank with a watermelon)

Ginger: Whoa!

Hank: Ginger!

Ginger: Sorry, Hank - not sorry.

Tom: Since that day, we vowed to focus on work and not let anything distract us.

Ben: That reminds me, we have to finish Biceptor. The fate of our company rests on winning the robo-lympics.

Mailman: Foosball Express! I’ve got a delivery. It’s a foosball table.

Angela: Yeah, thanks. We got that when you said “Foosball Express.”

Tom: We didn’t order a foosball table.

Mailman: Well, I’m not hauling this thing back to the warehouse. I mean, what do I look like, some kind of delivery man?

Angela: Yeah, you do.

Mailman: Whatever you say, lady. Cuckoo-cuckoo! (Leaves garage)

Tom: What are we supposed to do with the foosball table? I mean, the robo-lympics start in eight hours. We can’t waste time playing.

Ben: Game on.

Tom: Oh, great!

Hank: I don’t know how to solve this problem.

(Landlord drops from above)

Landlord: But I do.

Ben: (Gulp)