Breakup Curse/Transcript

The Fortune Cookie
Angela: Ooh, this buffet wasn't kidding when they said it was all you can eat! I couldn't have another bite.

Hank: Oh, speak for yourself! There's always room for a fortune cookie!

* Tom opens a fortune cookie*

Tom: "Your brain will open new doors."

Ah! Yeah. I love it when my brain does that.

"Embarrassment is in your future."

What? Hank, trade fortunes with me! Quick!

Oh! Are you kidding? I got "You will have good luck for a week."

-Give me! -No way am I trading that!

What is it, Angela?

It says, ahem, "Your true love will break your heart."

[all gasp]

Just pull another one. You can call that a practice cookie.

Oh! Yeah, OK!

[chuckles nervously] Here we go.

Take two.

Um, "Under the light of the full moon your heart will be broken."

[exclaims]

That's another practice cookie. [chuckles] Third time's the charm!

Here. Um...

"Beware the number 12."

Hey, that one's not so bad.

"Because your heart will get broken...

at 12:00 as you stare at the beach!"

Angela, these silly fortune cookies are just for fun.

I mean it's not like they ever come true.

[waiter screams]

Eh!

[laughs]

Ooh, Ginger just got soup'd.

That's not only hot and sour, it's also an embarrassment.

Just like the misfortune cookie said!

Tom, do you know what this means?

Our relationship is doomed!

[Tom gasps]

[theme music playing]

Escaping The Curse
Angela: Why are we at the movies, Tom? The universe just sent me a message. -[shushing] -[music playing] Actually, three messages! And they're all bad news for our love.

Tom: I know you're freaked out about the fortunes.

But even if they're true, think about what they say.

Um, that you're gonna break my heart by a beach, under the moon, at 12:00.

[shushing]

Exactly!

And we're nowhere near a beach and we're not under the moon.

So if we just stay here until 12:00...

The fortune can't come true!

Take that, fate!

-[all shushing aggressively] -Oh.

Aw, thanks.

Romantic candy makes this night even better.

Chad, it's so romantic being on the beach under the light of the moon.

[gasps]

[Angela] Oh, no.

Tom, we have to get out of here!

[shushing]

[both sighing]

[indistinct howling]

-Ah! -No! Come on!

Twelve apples, twelve dollars! That's twelve for twelve, folks.

-I got sand! Fresh sand! You want sand? -[Tom] Ah!

Not sand!

[both panting]

Next stop... the beach!

-Stop the bus! -[Angela] No!

[laughing]

[Angela screaming]

Um, you might want to check with the Landlord

before you redecorate the garage.

We're not redecorating, we're hiding.

Cosmic cookie forces have bought us a one-way ticket to heartbreak town!

Might I suggest perhaps ignoring the meaningless slips of paper

that you got out of some novelty cookie?

Ow!

Ben, I wasn't sure I believed either.

But then I saw the beach movie...

...light of the moon.

-And the $12 fruit! -$12.

Explain the fruit! How do you explain the fruit, Ben?

Well, uh...

You know what? You guys just need to stand up to this curse.

Get in its curse-y little face and say,

"Hey, curse! This couple is un-break-up-able!"

Hank, that's actually not a bad idea.

If we can't run from the heartbreak, maybe we can fight it!

Yeah! We just have to make sure there's nothing that can split us up!

If we solve every one of our relationship problems,

we'll be break-up proof!

OK. This is a safe place to work out your issues.

I'm not a licensed therapist,

but I did watch the entire series of "Relationship Rescue."

Let's do this. [sighs]

So, Tom, what bothers you about me?

Well, I don't know.

Nothing really. You're a great girlfriend.

Stop that!

If you're gonna save our relationship,

you need to tell me what you hate about it.

Uh, well...

-Uh... -Hmm.

OK. If you can't go first, I will.

You eat with your mouth open and it's gross.

You look at me during comedy movies to make sure I'm laughing.

You tell my stories at parties--

Angela, do you even like me?

It's just things we could potentially fight about.

I'm getting everything off my chest so we can stay together.

-[Hank] Hmm. -Hey, I feel like I'm under attack here!

"Acts like a baby when he gets criticized."

You know what?

Maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now.

Because we are going so crazy, we're about to make the curse come true.

-I need some time for myself! -Tom, wait!

-[Tom grunts] -[planks squeak]

[ball bouncing]

[man on radio] Stay tuned, listeners.

We're counting down the 12 best beach songs

-from the last 12 years! -[gasps]

I'm still not really a curse guy,

but I have to admit that series of events was almost statistically impossible.

And I'm awaiting a scientific explanation.

[sighing]

Hey, I saw your crying selfie on FastaPic.

[sobbing]

Kind of an overshare, but also, is everything OK?

Oh, Tom won't talk to me.

I think my fortune is coming true! [sobbing]

Don't blame yourself.

-You're up against the universe. -I guess.

I just wish I was strong enough to beat fate.

[Hank humming]

[exclaiming]

Whoa!

Whoo!

-[Ginger laughing] -[Hank laughing]

Oh! Ow!

[screams]

Hey, what gives? I thought I had good luck for a week!

[gasps] Wait. This isn't my lucky fortune. This is Ginger's misfortune!

Ginger! Did you switch fortunes with me?

[Ginger laughing]

[Ginger] I'm going to the arcade while my good luck lasts!

[Angela] Wait a minute.

Maybe I can't beat fate, but I can cheat fate!

Becca, come with me.

This might get rough.

OK, What's the plan?

I put all my bad fortunes in this Curse Cookie.

If we can trade this with another couple, then the curse might get passed to them!

Whoa, Angela, that's really dark.

-Are you sure you want to do that? -I don't have a choice.

[both gasping softly]

-[man] Dearest Cynthia. -[Angela] Huh?

[man] Ever since we locked eyes at that demolition derby,

I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

Will you marry me?

[Cynthia] Oh, Gary! Of course I will!

[couple kissing]

Oh, he just proposed to her! We can't curse this couple.

Don't worry.

There's loads of other lovebirds in this restaurant. We'll find someone.

Happy anniversary, darling.

I can't believe I've been able to spend 30 wonderful years with my soulmate!

[grunts]

Thanks for asking me to prom, Alvin.

I didn't think I was ever gonna find a date

after my braces got stuck to my gym shorts.

[Angela sighs]

Hey! What's in your hand?

Oh! Uh, nothing! Definitely not a Curse Cookie! [chuckles]

Hey! These ladies are trying to curse us!

Get 'em out of here! Get 'em out of here!

-Get 'em out! -Yeah, beat it. Beat it!

[screaming]

That was a disaster.

I'm out of ideas! Who's gonna save our relationship now?

[gasps]

Tom! I-- I didn't think I'd see you here.

Were you gonna use a Curse Cookie too?

What? No. I-- I've been thinking.

If this is our last night together,

I want to spend it together.

Oh, OK, this seems like a "not-Becca" situation. I'll just go.

[insects chirping]

Well, I just want to say it's been an honor being your boyfriend.

And also, I was the one who broke your favorite coffee mug a few weeks ago.

Oh, Tom, I already knew that was you.

So... How do we do this?

Is it just like ripping off a band-aid, or is it--

-[clock bell tolls] -[both gasping]

[bats chittering]

[thunder rumbling]

-[clock chiming] -[Tom gasps]

[squeaking]

-[Angela whimpers] -[Tom shudders]

-[groans] -[indistinct cracking]

[gasps softly]

Oh, no.

Did I break you with my sad hug?

Oh, no. It was nothing. You just broke my...

heart-shaped lollipop?

Wait a minute.

The "Full Moon Cafe"?

[chuckles] Tom, do you realize what just happened?

You "broke my heart" under the light of the full moon

at 12:00!

-And we're looking at a beach! -[men grunting]

-So does this mean... -The fortune came true.

Just not the way we thought it would.

Our relationship is saved!

-[both laughing] -[cycle bell rings]

I'm the luckiest boy in the world!

[exclaims]

[both chuckle]

I can't believe we actually thought a cookie could come between us.

I know! But today was still creepy.

Fortunes should be taken seriously.

Maybe. Except my fortune never came true.

My brain hasn't opened any new doors for me lately.

Ow!

[groaning]

[theme music playing]

English