Angela the Cheerleader/Transcript

Hey there athletic sporting contest fans.

How many times have you missed the big game

because of a tortilla chip injury?

Too many times to remember.

Put away your safety goggles because chips with sharp corners

are now a thing of the past, thanks to... the Tor-trimma!

It smells like... burnt plastic.

The smell of snack safety...

Turn it off! Turn it off!

I’m trying!

Try harder!

Tom!

Noooo!

I guess I need to re-calibrate the hypotenuse-finder...

Hey guys.

Thanks, Angela! You saved our- oooh!

What? What’s wrong?

Tom, look away. You don’t want to see this.

What? I don’t see what the... Ow, my eyes.

Is that a Piranhas shirt? Tell me that’s not a Pir...

Ow, it’s a Piranhas shirt.

Huh? Oh, this?

What’s the big deal? The Piranhas are just a basketball team.

Seeing you in that shirt cuts.

It cuts like a corny tortilla chip to the gums.

Ben, help me out here...

The Piranhas are in the championship game against our favorite team -

the Barracudas...

Well, see, there you go.

Piranhas, Barracudas, you can see why I got confused,

they’re like practically the same thing.

The same?

Barracudas are honest saltwater ambush predators.

And Piranhas they are nothing but freshwater cheaters who play dirty

and hunt their prey in schools.

Oh, okay. I get it.

To prove I’m a Barracuda’s fan like you guys...

I will never wear this disgusting, cheating team’s shirt again!

Well, thank you for understanding, Angela.

Yes. It’s for the best.

Stupid basketball game...

Why do they have two teams named after fish anyways?

Barracudas are honest saltwater ambush predators.

And Piranhas are -

Oh no, is that... Victoria Payne?

I give Angela a thumbs down. Down. Down.

Hello, Victoria.

Angela?

I haven’t seen you since you totally tore me apart in that - song.

Payne can’t hurt me.

You see, it’s her name.

Well, if it seemed too mean, just remember, you started it -

did it seem too mean?

When you sang, “Payne can’t hurt me,” it was like you were calling me a pain.

Oh my fosh, I’m really sorry.

The thing is I was just so mad when I wrote it.

Ha! Oh my god.

Just kidding, of course.

That’s the first song of yours I actually like - liked.

Really? Well then, what did you like about it?

Oh. Well, it was real.

You know it showed that under all the rainbows

and sunshine there’s some... grit.

I have grit... Yay!

Wait, you like the Piranhas?

Oh, this is just a shirt...

Eyes up here.

...that I wear because I love the Piranhas.

“Chomp n’ stomp,” right?!

“Chomp n’ stomp!”, yeah.

Wow, you know, you may not be a total waste of time.

Hey, how about we forget about the past and start over?

Okay... Victoria.

Oh, I just hope there’s room for us in the Diner.

The Diner?

Maybe I was too harsh on Angela for wearing the enemy’s shirt.

It was an innocent mistake. It’s not like she’s a Piranhas fan.

But to make sure it doesn’t happen again, I’m giving her

this to wear while we watch the game.

- What’s that in the water, ya’ll?! - Piranhas!

- And who are we gonna feed on tomorrow?! - The Barracudas!

Wow, Piranhas fans really know how to have fun!

Yeah we do!

Hey, I just thought of a great story

for the Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report.

Angela and Victoria.

Two powerful women in the local music scene -

Ooh, I like that part...

Ooh, I better take this. B-R-B.

Yo, it’s local pop star, Angela!

Make some noise, Piranhas fans!

Let’s show her some love.

Wow. Thanks.

Now, tell us why you love the Piranhas - Go.

Oh. Um, because they’re the best at running and bouncing the ball really fast...

Oh! Oh! And they hunt their prey in schools!

Unlike those Barracudas who are nothing but a bunch of saltwater

ambush-predator cheaters! Am I right?!

Yey everyone! Woo-hoo... sports!

Oh yeah!

Now that’s a fan who really knows her stuff!

You are not going to believe this.

That was the owner of the Piranhas on the phone.

I told him what a huge Piranhas fan you are.

And I of course said that if he knows anything about good music,

he should hire Angela, obviously.

...and?

And you got the job!

You are the Piranhas’ halftime entertainment at tomorrow’s championship game.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Here, you can have this.

It will look great on stage with your Piranhas shirt!

I love it!

This is going to be so much fun!

I can’t wait to tell Tom and -

Oh... Oh sports.

Uh. Ben, can you please hurry up with that so we can make breakfast?

I just need to adjust the angle reader from “obtuse” to “acute.”

There’s nothing cute about missing breakfast, Ben.

My stomach is eating itself.

There, that should do it. Let’s give it a try.

What’s wrong with you.

You should be trimming tortillas.

Hey guys. I have donuts.

Did she say doughnuts?

- No sharp edges. - You saved our lives.

Easy, guys. Save some for the game.

You know, Tom.

You and the guys don’t have to worry about those

dangerous snacks anymore, because you’ll be watching

the game live and in person. Boom.

You got us tickets?

Yes. I did.

Angela! Angela! Angela!

How did you get these?

The game’s been sold out for weeks.

It’s actually a funny story...

Remember Victoria Payne?

Yeah, well it turns out she knows someone who knows someone,

and they asked me to perform at halftime.

Crazy, right?

You’re the halftime entertainment?!

Yes! I get to sing in the middle of the game while the players

drink water and get yelled at.

Wow. This is huge.

The whole town will be watching the game.

After today, everyone will know your name.

I’m really glad you guys understand what a great career opportunity

this is for me. Because um, well the thing is, I was hired by the P-

Right, these are so dangerous.

Here, I was gonna give this to you later but -

but it looks like I better give it to you now.

Oh, um...

You can wear it tonight so everyone knows you’re rooting for the good guys.

“Good guys,” oh, come on.

I mean. Can’t we just focus on what a great

career opportunity this is for me?

I mean it’s just a stupid basketball game.

Not to us, Angela. Not to us.

You are a traitor, Angela.

No, Tom!

Yes, Angela, you betrayed us.

What? No!

Traitor! Traitor! Traitor!

Nooo!!!

Well, well, well. Victoria Payne is a Piranhas Fan.

Doesn’t surprise me.

Ooh. Quick question which hurts more, getting chomped or getting stomped?

We’ll see who chomped and stomped who when the game’s over.

And Piranhas don’t have feet, Victoria.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to tonight’s

halftime performer, Angela!

Hey, everyone. Here’s a song I wrote especially for tonight.

It’s called No One Wins And No One Loses.

I sure hope you like it... Hit it!

Everyone in the house who doesn’t care who wins tonight,

put your hands up like this! Com’on!

Woo-hoo!

Me and myself.

What is she doing?

Let’s all hope it’s a tie / Yeah a tie/

Let’s hope no one wins, and no one loses /

so everyone can go home... Hey!

Hey, quit throwing stuff! Seriously, it's one more -

Angela, what were you thinking?

Uh, dur-doy what the heck!

I just wanted people to get along instead of fighting over who’s

going to win the stupid game...

But now that I think about it I really didn’t realize how much

people hate a tie game.

Or a song about a tie game.

Big mistake.

Yeah, that song was... not good.

And by not good, he means terrible.

I agree. The worst...

Okay, yeah, got it, thanks. But, wait a second.

Look at all you right now.

I see Piranhas fans and Barracudas fans... and you are all putting aside your

differences and agreeing on something.

And it’s all thanks to my song!

I call that progress!

Victoria, just how bad is this for my career?

Give it to me straight.

Maybe don’t watch this week’s Thumbs-up, Thumbs-down Report.

Oh, right.