Hank the Director/Transcript

[The episode beings at Tom's garage with him, and his friends having cake in the kitchen]

Tom: This... mm-mm is the best cake ever.

Ginger: (wondering) Where did it even come from?

Tom: Don't overthink it.

Angela: (agreeing) Yeah, don't question cake.

Ben: (hearing something) Do you guys hear a whistling sound?

Tom: (not letting it get to him) Don't overthink it.

Angela: (agreeing again) Yeah, don't question sounds.

(Then Hank wearing shades entered blowing his party horn meaning only one thing...)

Hank: (excited) Who knows what day it is?

Tom: (as he and the gang drop their forks) Oh no.

Angela: (nervously) Please don't tell me it's Hank's birth...

Hank: (moving around) It's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday! It's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday!

[Cut to the others feeling rather unhappy] Bert and Ernie: (to the viewers) It's not fair making shows!

Ben: (sighs, to the viewers) Every year for his birthday Hank asked for the same thing. He asks us to help him make his very own episode of his "all-time" favorite show: Bongo and McGillicuddy.

Ginger: (to the viewers) And every year we say no.

Angela: (to the viewers) It's not like we love telling our friend he can't have what he wants.

Tom: (to the viewers) but there is no way that we are acting out one if his little scripts on camera uh uh no. It could ruin our super professional image. (breaks the table and laughs nervously)

[Back with Hank still moving]

Hank: Today it's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, and that means it's showtime. (Talking Tom & Friends Theme)

Tom: It is not showtime. You can't make people do things just because it's your birthday.

Ben: (agrees) Yeah, plus we have a ton of deadlines this week. We can't spend an entire day to help you with your little skit.

Hank: (sniffs) Well sorry. It's just that ever since I was a little little boy, I just always wanted to make my own episode of Bongo and McGillicuddy. (sighs, starts walking to the door) Sorry thought I-- I didn't mean to take up everyone's valuable time with my stupid, dumb, lame little dream. (sniffs again) Even though you ate my cake, my birthday cake. (Tom moans sadly)

Angela: (a little annoyed) Okay, fine! I'll be in it.

Hank: Really?

Angela: But I'll have to move things around my schedule (dials her phone) so let me just call my agent.

Hank: Thanks Angela. (gets an idea) Ooh you can be the grizzled old police chief. How fast can you grow a mustache?

Angela: Wait. What?

Ben: Well I guess it is your birthday and we did eat your cake, (Sighs) so I suppose I could play a minor character.

Hank: Yes! You can play McGillicuddy. McGillicuddy is Bongo's orangutan sidekick, and you won't have many lines cause he's one of non-talking orangutans.

Ben: (corrects him) Actually Hank, all orangutans are non-talking orangutans, cause orangutans can't talk.

Hank: (laughs, punches Ben on his stomach) save the jokes for the blooper reel buddy.

Ginger: You know, I actually somewhat of a thespian, so I won't mind sinking my acting chops into a new project.

Hank: Hooray! That just leaves... (points at Tom)

Tom: (thinking) Hmm, let me think about it. (3 hours later, Tom decides) Hmm, no. I'm good. (walks to the kitchen, when Hank groans)

Hank: (sighs sadly) Goodbye Bongo.

Ginger: (stepping up) It's okay Hank I'll play your lead. I shall be your Bongo. And guess what? (Tom gets a soda when...) I'll do it better than Tom ever could.

Hank: Alrighty then.

Tom: (confused) Excuse me?

Ginger: Oh, it's nothing personal Tom. It's just that some of us are- how should I say? - more naturally talented at the arts than - (Gingers words make Tom angry and spill the soda) how should I say? - others of us. I'm saying I'm better than you. That you--

Tom: (not taking it) Eh? I know what your saying Ginger! (to Hank now) Hank, I want that part.

Hank: Ooh hoo hoo! (puts on a hat and scarf, and laughs) It's audition time.

[Ben and Angela prepare Tom and Ginger for Hank to decide who he should pick, they do vampires, ballet, and skeletons.

Angela: (impressed, while clapping with Ben) Wow! that was amazing! I didn't know Tom knew ballet.

Ben: (Scoffs) There's a lot you don't know about Tom.

Angela: Really? Like what?

Ben: Well uh... (thinks) Uh, that's it actually. Just the ballet thing. Tom's kind of an open book, I guess. (Angela disagrees)

Tom: (exhausted) Alright, so what's gonna be Hank? Did I get the part?

Ginger: To Tom or not to Tom? That is the question. Whether it is nobler in the garage to choose the talented actor Ginger or--

Tom: (takes the head from Ginger) Quit it Ginger. (Ginger growls) the audition is over.

Hank: (stops it) Enough! It's just to hard to choose, you're both simply fantastic. Tom, I'm sorry. (Tom turns sad) Sorry I had to use such a cliche misdirection before telling you that you got the part.

Tom: Yes!

Ginger: Ahh! (Crying, voice breaking) Are you serious right now?

Hank: Sorry Ginger. But Bongo is a hard-boiled street cop who plays by his own rules. (Tom nods) Your just a kid so--

Ginger: What?! I lost the part because I'm a kid? (Points at Angela) Angela's playing an old police chief!

Angela: (somewhat surprised) Oh, you don't think a girl can be a police chief?

Ginger: She doesn't even have a mustache.

Hank: Thank you for understanding. But you know what I do need? An assistant. A right-hand man. Someone to help him with all the important parts of directing a big show, like bringing me a coffee. (Ginger groans) And I like a lot of milk kid.

Ginger: Okay, but I going to spit at it. (Tom was surprised)

Hank: Oh boy. This is gonna be fun.

[Soon everyone got there places ready while Ginger held a clapper with date named 2015, a name named Hank, Roll 01, Scene, 01, Take 01, and Prod named Bongo and Mcgillicuddy.]

Ginger: Bongo and McGillicuddy: Take one.

(Ginger claps a clapper)

Hank: Aaand action!

Ben:Ooo eee ooo eee oo eee ooo ah ah!

Hank: cut, Cut! CUT!

Angela: I know right? Ben totally bulged that last line.

Hank: (not agreeing) No, Ben was perfect! (To Ginger) When I asked you for coffee, I meant I wanted it today! What are you, raising the beans and then milking them yourself?

Tom: (whispers to Ben) I don't think Hank knows where coffee comes from.

Ginger: here's your coffee sir. (Hank sips it but then spits in on him)

Hank: That's disgusting! (throws at a car outside) This coffee still tastes like coffee. I told you more milk, more milk, more milk!

Ginger: How bout I just bring you a glass of milk? (Hanks blows steam from his ears and sighs)

Hank: (sounding relaxed) Ginger, I know your doing your best. But can you explain something to me?

Ginger: Sure...

Hank: (now sounding angry) Why isn't there a stapler on the chief's desk?! Have you ever seen a police chief who doesn't have a stapler on his desk? You know what? Everyone take five.

Ginger: Oh, your so mean. (walks away sobbing)

Tom: (to Ben) I didn't know would be taking this so seriously.

Hank: (through a microspeaker) The question is why aren't you taking it more seriously?! Break's over, let's take from the top, and get right this time! Ameturs. Lights, camera.

[Ginger clap a clapper with date named 2015, a name named Hank, Roll 01, Scene, 01, Take 02, and Prod named Bongo and Mcgillicuddy.]

Hank: ACTION!!

Angela: (in a deep and greasy voice) That's it! Bongo! McGillicuddy! In my office now!

Ben: Ee, ooaa?

Angela: (in a deep and greasy voice) This is the last straw. You are done in this department, Turn in your badges!

Ben: Ee, aoo!?

Tom: Come on chief, be reasonable.

Ben: Ooo ooo eee oo eee ooo ah ah ah!

Tom: McGillicuddy is right. Doctor Jerk Face was a bad guy. Remember what he did in season 1, episode 16?

Ben: Eee eee oo ah, ah eee ee ooo ah!

Tom: Yeah, that was really messed up. he got what he deserved!

Angela: (in deep and greasy voice) You karate kicked him into a volcano Bongo! That's not protocol.

Tom: A lot of things aren't protocol.

Ben: Ooh ee ah oh, oh uh ,ooh ah ee oh ee ah ee oo oo!

Angela: (in deep and greasy voice) You watch your language when your talking to me McGillicuddy. Badges. Now.

Ben: Eee oo aaaee?

Tom: (starting to give up) You know chief? Fine. (takes off his badge and puts it on the desk) Did I karate kick a bad guy into a volcano? Yes. Did it look wicked cool? Guilty. But do I regret it? Not for a second. (Angela looks surprised) So you can take our badges. You can take our uniforms. You can even take our cool car with the lights on top that go woowoo. (Angela now looks stern) But there's one thing that you can never take chief. Our liberty!

Ben: Yeah! Oh I mean ooeh!

Hank: And cut! Okay, that was interesting. Now does anyone want to tell me what went wrong with that scene?

Tom: Phew! I thought I was pretty good.

Angela: (in her normal voice) Well I know I nailed it.

Hank: (to Ben) what about you Ben?

Ben: I don't know.

Hank: You don't know? You mean like you don't know your lines? (fed up) You said oh, ah oo, ah, oh, aah, oo, oo, ah, ah, ee, ee.

Ben: (confused) Yeah?

Hank: What does the script say? (puts in his face)

Ben: Oh, ah, ah, ee, oh, oh, ah, ee, ee?

Hank: Exactly! You dropped the "oo." You ruined the scene. I thought we were making fan-fiction. I wasn't aware we were making garbage! (stomps on his hat, then walks away) Thanks for ruining my birthday.

Angela: Hmm, now I'm glad I ate his cake.

[Now Hank was sitting down watching Bongo and McGillicuddy]

Bongo: Oh no! I've made a huge mistake. This was supposed to be fun, but I took things too far. I made it a chore, I made everyone feel bad, and that's the worst part.

Hank: Wow.

[Hank now sits on a chair feeling rather sad]

Hank: (to the viewers) I've learned so much from Bongo and McGillicuddy. This is just like that episode of Bongo and McGillicuddy where Bongo had to watch he's favorite TV show to realize he made a mistake. Bongo took something that was supposed to be fun, and turned it into a chore and that's just what I did. Now I have to do what Bongo did, make it right.

[Now Hank came back to apologize]

Hank: And so in my own small Bongo-ish way, I stand here before you hoping to make things rights.

Tom: Well lesson learned. You know some people are TV makers and some people are TV watchers. (Hank punches him on his stomach like with Ben)

Hank: Classic Tom, always with the jokes. Okay catch you guys later.

Ben: Uh, where're you going?

Hank: I'm gonna get started on next year's script. (opens the fridge when...) But first I'm gonna eat a piece of my birthday-- Whoa!

Ginger: Oh. (eats the last piece) Happy birthday!

[Talking Tom & Friends end credits]