Lost Friend Will Zee/Transcript

(Scene shows the garage. The friends are seated at the kitchen counter.)

Tom: (eats sandwich) I need to ask you guys a favor.

Hank: Yeah, sure, anything, Tom. (eats sausage)

Ben: (eats sandwich) You haven't heard the favor yet.

Hank: You're right. Forget it.

Tom: (shows picture) This is Willy. Every year, when we were kids, he was my roommate at summer camp.

Hank: Don't worry, Tom, we'll find him.

Tom: No, he's not missing, he's just coming to visit.

Ginger: Uh, Tom, he looks like a nerd.

Tom: He is. Remember that story about the kid who thought he was stuck in quicksand but it turned out to just be regular sand? Willy.

Angela: I'm sure he's not that bad.

Tom: He snores when he's awake.

Angela: Ugh...

Ben: It's hard to believe you were friends with such a nerd!

(The friends stare at Ben.)

Ben: What?

Angela: So what's the big favor you needed us to do?

Tom: Oh, Willy's in town for some event, and he asked if he could come by, and I'm too busy finishing my (whispers) secret invention.

Hank: (gasps, whispers) Your secret catapult?

Tom: Right, my secret catapult. So, I just want you all to help me make sure that he feels welcome while he's here.

(A skateboarder wearing a tie-dye tank-top enters through the front door and skateboards up to the balcony, then lands onto the ground.)

Will Zee: 'Sup, T-Bone, my old friend?!

Tom: (looks at picture) Willy?

Will Zee: Willy's dead, T-Bone...

Hank: No!

Will Zee: Now, I'm called Will Zee!

(Theme song plays)

(Scene shows Will Zee performing skateboard tricks.)

Angela: Wow!

Ginger: No way!

Tom: I don't get it. Last time I saw you, you had your shoelaces tangled in your braces.

Will Zee: That was a looong time ago, bro-de-lay-he-hoo. Now, I've unlocked my inner champion, and I compete in the Extreme Zportz Tour Zeriez.

Ginger: (gasps) The EZTZ? No way!

Ben: You know that tour is cool, because it has multiple Zs in its name.

Hank: Did you get us tickets?

Will Zee: (throws handful of tickets) Here, take some ZIP passes.

Hank: (takes ticket) This is the best day of my life!

Angela: Uh, Tom, I don't understand. You said Will Zee wasn't cool, but with that backwards hat, it's like he doesn't even care if his eyes are properly shielded from the sun! It's so cool...

(Tom looks annoyed.)

Ginger: Can you do a 360 Ollie Stalefish over the garage?!

Will Zee: I don't know. The last time I tried, I wiped out and almost broke... a sweat!

(The friends except Tom laugh.)

Tom: Oh, yeah, uh-huh, skateboard tricks are cool, but I've got something even cooler... a secret invention! Huh, yeah! Now, I'm not saying that it's a giant catapult that could shoot a giant boulder into the sun, but I'm also not not saying it, if you catch my drift.

Will Zee: Whoa, a catapult? Sounds pretty rad-apult.

(Angela, Ben, Hank and Ginger laugh.)

Tom: (comes up with joke) Ha! Well, I hope you're all hungry, because it's almost... launch time! Get it?

(The friends are silent.)

Tom: I was making a joke off the words "launch" and "lunch?" It's a pun? You know, I'll just get the catapult set up. So, meet me outside in, like, five?

Will Zee: Sounds like a plan, bro! (makes fist bump sequence) Here we go!

Tom: (makes fist bump sequence) Wow, okay, this is complicated.

Will Zee: Here we go!

(Scene cuts to the front lawn. There is a large catapult and Tom attempts to push a boulder.)

Tom: (grunts) Not rad-apult! (sighs)

(Tom reenters the garage.)

Tom: Hey, what is going on?! Where is everybody?

(Tom goes to Hank, who is sitting at the TV with Will Zee. Hank is wearing a rainbow-colored baseball cap.)

Tom: We're losing daylight here and the sun is still unattacked.

Will Zee: Whoa! Chillax, T-Bone! Make like the owner of an above-ground swimming pool and cool off.

Hank: Yeah, T-Bone, chillax. We're trying to watch Will Zee's guest appearance on Tommy Toprock and the Hip-hop Squad. He plays Tommy Toprock. Outstanding.

Tommy Toprock (on TV): I don't like you, Officer Stickler, but darn it, I love those kids. I'm going to put on my safety helmet, get on this motorized...

Tom: (takes remote) All right, let's go outside. (turns off TV)

(Hank takes a second remote out from the couch.)

Hank: Tom, we'll be out when this is over. (turns on TV)

Tommy Toprock: You just went from online to into the line!

(Tom growls. He sees Angela preparing a hip-hop song.)

Angela: Let's see, (clears throat, raps)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, (beatboxes)

His name is Will Zee!

His hat, it thrills me!

Down the highest hills, he...

Skates on his board... Wha...

Tom: Angela!

Angela: Oh, hey, T-Bone. What up?

Tom: You're supposed to be outside watching my extreme catapult. It's gonna be awesome... and extreme.

Angela: Yeah, it's cool, Tom, I'm almost done here. (writes) Oh, let's see... hm... (continues rapping)

Will Zee is awesome and extreme,

And he smells like peach ice cream.

Tom: Smells like peach ice cream?!

(Ben is at the desk, modifying a skateboard.)

Ben: Well, I got the wheels off.

Ginger: Whoa!

Tom: Ben, don't you want to see my catapult? What are you doing to Willy's skateboard?

Ben: Ah, I was looking at Will Zee, wondering if he could possibly be cooler. At first, I thought no, but then, I thought... hoverboard!

Tom: Hoverboard?!

Ginger: I bet you wish you had a hoverboard.

Tom: Of course I do! Everybody does.

Ginger: Tom thought he was cooler than Will Zee, but Will Zee's cooler than Tom. (giggles)

Tom: Okay, everyone, enough's enough. It's time to focus... on me. Outside, right now, I've got an extreme catapult, and an extreme giant boulder that I'm going to launch into the sun, which is so extreme that even Will Zee can't top it.

Ben: Well, actually, maybe he can. (to Will Zee) Your hoverboard! Give it a try. (gives hoverboard)

Will Zee: Wow, thanks, Ben. (walks to living room floor) I'm not sure if I can ride this thing, but...

(Will Zee stands on the hoverboard and rides it around the garage as the friends cheer.)

Ginger: That was awesome!

Ben: It's hovering!

Tom: Oh, come on, this is ridiculous! Will Zee isn't as cool as you think he is! He's faking it!

Ginger: He is too as cool as I think he is.

Tom: Oh yeah? Well, guess what Mr. Cool Guy did every single night at camp. Wet the bed! Yeah, what do you think about that, huh? Let's see you hoverboard outta that one!

Will Zee: (gets off hoverboard) It was... the soda.

Angela: Whoa, not cool, Tom.

Hank: Yeah, not cool at all, bro.

Will Zee: Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. Hey, who wants to see Will Zee hoverboard over the roof... blindfolded?

All: Woo! Yeah! Woo!

Will Zee: Bring it in, y'all! Roll call!

Angela: Zangela!

Ben: B-dawg!

Hank: Stanky-H is in the house!

Ginger: Don't forget Li'l Ginge!

(The friends, along with Will Zee, dance out of the garage in a line. Tom pulls Hank aside.)

Tom: Wait, what are you doing?

Hank: Will Zee taught us how to walk. Like, I thought I knew how to walk, but I didn't know how to walk like this. (starts walking away) Pretty extreme, huh?

(Scene cuts to the bathroom. Tom speaks to the audience.)

Tom: Man, ever since Will Zee got here, it's like he's the cool one, and I'm the... slightly-less-cool-but-still-way-cooler-than-everyone-else one. Ah, maybe I've been trying too hard. Or maybe... I haven't been trying hard enough! That's it! I'm going to win the gang back by showing them I'm the most extreme dude ever!

(Scene cuts to the driveway. Will Zee hoverboards around the roof blindfolded as Ginger films. He lands on the ground.)

Will Zee: And that's how you do 7200. See you in about a million clicks, YouTube.

(The friends cheer.)

Ginger: I love you, Will Zee!

(The friends notice Tom in the catapult behind them.)

Tom: (into megaphone) Attention! You're about to witness the most extreme stunt ever attempted by anyone you know, including your new friend, Will Zee!

Ben: Tom, get down from there before that thing launches.

Tom: I, Talking Tom, am about to launch myself into the sun. Not the moon, not a cloud, but the center of the universe, the sun!

Ginger: Do it, Tom!

Will Zee: We don't even do that on the Zeriez. It's too dangerous.

Tom: You're just saying that because you don't want me to show everyone I'm cooler than you. Well, guess what? I am, and guess what again? I will! (pulls lever)

(The catapult launches Tom, and he crash-lands into the ground offscreen.)

Ginger: (giggles) Cool.

(Scene cuts to a hospital. Tom is in a hospital bed with casts on both arms and a leg.)

Tom: (in frail voice) What happened? A-am I on the sun?

Will Zee: No, you had a seriously sketchy wipeout, bramen-noodle.

Ginger: (shows phone) I got it all right here, but you're probably not gonna want to see it. It's pretty gross.

Ben: What were you thinking, Tom?

Tom: I wasn't thinking. I've been acting like such a jerk. I guess seeing how much my friends looked up to you made me feel, I don't know...

Will Zee: Jealous?

Tom: No, filled with rage. Anyway, I feel real awful about telling everyone you... did that thing...

Will Zee: Wet the bed? Tom, how could I ever be mad at you? You were so cool back at camp that you inspired me to stop drinking soda, pick up a skateboard, and transform myself into the awesome and modest dude I am now.

Tom: Wow, really?

Hank: That's Tom for you. He shaped me into being more cool, too.

Angela: I really value his friendship, too.

(Tom smiles.)

Will Zee: Welp, time for me to head over to the EZTZ competition.

Hank: Aw, but you'll come back here after, right?

Will Zee: No can do, Stanky-H. The EZTZ tour waits for no man.

Ben: So, where are you off to next?

Will Zee: Who knows, B-Dawg? Probably some lame city filled with palm trees, screaming fans and beautiful girls.

(A foghorn is heard.)