Dude Ranch Showdown/Transcript

(Angela hums when an upset Ginger walks into the garage, grabs a cup, and starts crying)

Angela: Ginger, why the long face? You look like the saddest cowpoke in the west.

Ginger: Today is my school's family field trip to the dude ranch, and my parents had to leave town for work. So I can't go!

Ben: But hey, the dude ranch isn't so great. It's hot, the tech leaves much to be desired and it smells like dust.

Ginger: Nice try, Ben. My dad and I were gonna win the father-son bean bag shootout.

* crowd cheering Ginger for winning the dude ranch*

Ginger: I've been bragging to my friends about how I was gonna crush them!

Ginger: Now the only crushed thing is my dreams.

Hank: Too bad you don't know any other responsible adults who can take you.

Tom: Ah! We can be your parents for the day!

You'd really do that for me?

Let me put it this way. Ta-da!

Then let's mosey on out and hit the ol' dusty trail!

-Because family fun awaits us! -Yes!

[intro music playing]

Aah!

[crowd cheering]

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

Howdy, Ronnie.

Howdy, Ginger!

Ready to get beaned?

Hmph! All right.

-Meet my dad! -[laughs]

[roars, laughs]

Whatever, Ronnie. My fake dad, Tom, and I are gonna kick your butt!

Easy, boys. The shootout isn't until high sundown.

There's a lot more dude ranch to do before then.

I want to ride the mechanical bull!

I wouldn't say no to a refreshing sarsaparilla.

Hang on, everyone. We should ask Ginger what he'd like to do.

After all, this day is all about-- Roy?

[playing the guitar]

♪ Where seldom is heard ♪

♪ A discouraging word ♪

♪ And the skies are not cloudy all day! ♪

[cheering and applause]]

-Howdy, Roy. -Hey, my favorite neighbors!

Heh, what brings you 'round these parts?

Well, Ginger's parents couldn't take him on this trip, so I kindly stepped up

to make sure that he has the best day ever.

Whoa, that's so nice! And really similar to what I'm doing.

I asked the school if they needed a chaperone,

you know, to come make sure the kids have fun.

In a way, it's like I'm dad to all of 'em.

Wow, Roy. That sounds super rewarding.

Well, I don't do it for the rewards. But I'll always take your compliments.

[growls]

Tom, you're not about to get all distracted by Roy again, right?

You know that usually does not end well.

I was-- You're right.

Roy, today isn't about us.

I completely agree, Tom-o!

I'm glad you don't think I'm volunteering here

to cover up something evil that I'm doing.

Obviously that would be silly, wouldn't it?

Now, the key to tossing horseshoes is throwing it up, but not out.

Hmm... [effort grunts]]

-Yes! -[Ginger] Whoa!

OK, my turn!

[grunts]

[man in the restroom] Hey! Occupado!

You're getting better. No one got bashed in the knee that time.

[humming] Haha! Hm?

-[cheering] -[guitar music playing]

[gasps]

[Roy] All right, let's get lunch!

What are you up to now, Roy? [gasps]

Tom! Check this out! I caught a real tumbleweed.

-Ooh, What do you have there? -Not something Roy dropped!

-Because I have not been following him... -[both] Hmm.

OK, all right, I know, I know, I know, I shouldn't get distracted by Roy.

But look at this!

[both gasp]

-An X! -It's a map of the ranch.

Why would Roy have this? We have to find out what's going on.

-So let's just pop out really fast-- -[Ginger] Tom?

-Are you going somewhere? -Hey there, kiddo.

Uh, listen, um,

something important came up and I have to run out for a little while.

But... what about the bean bag shootout?

I'm gonna be back in time. I promise.

[sighs]

-[clears throat] -Sorry.

[birds squawking]

[panting]

Ah! It's so hot!

Does that map say if there's an ice cream stand

with a really comfortable couch in the area?

Tom, you promised Ginger you'd be back in time for the bean bag battle.

[laughs]

[gasps] Wait. There is somebody out there!

Huh?

Ah-ha!

[Roy chuckles]

[Roy] Tom, you are turning out to be quite the pebble in my shoe.

Oooh, what am I up to, huh?

Roy! Where are you?

[Roy chuckles]

Catch me!

What did you see, Tom? A jackalope?

It was Roy! He's up to something.

Come on, follow me!

[sighs]

Ginger, check out the costumes they let you wear in the old-timey photos!

[indistinct chatter]

I'm a cactus!

[sighs]

What's wrong?

My parents ditched me and now Tom ditched me too.

Tom will be back in time. And if he isn't... I'll be your partner!

Uh, um... Heh. Oops, sorry.

Uh, I just have to get out of this costume first.

Uh, ow! Oh. Well, this is a bit of a pickle.

Come on, Tom. Where are you?

Ah! Ow! Ooh! Ah!

Roy! Where are you?

[Ben] I know you don't want to hear this,

but maybe he didn't go into the dark and creepy mine?

That can't be true. We're not losing him now. We're so close!

-Argh! -[metal clanks]

-[Roy laughs] -[gasps] Hm? Huh?

[Tom] Roy!

[grunts]]

-Wait! -Just get in!

Huh?

-[all] Huh? -[all screaming]

[Roy laughs]

[Roy] You'll never catch me, Tom!

[screaming continues]

That's it! We've got him! Rrrrgh...

[straining]

-Yes! Wha-- -[all gasp]

-I don't understand. Where is Roy? -I may know, Tom.

But you're not going to like hearing it.

See, I think the desert was messing with your mind.

Deserts are known to do that.

That can't be. I know what I saw!

You know what you think you saw. But could it have been a mirage?

[gasp]

There is somebody out there.

Roy, where are you?

Ah-ha! Rrrgh!

Roy?

No...

Although to be fair, that shovel really does capture Roy's chin.

I ditched Ginger to chase a mirage.

All he wanted was family fun and I messed it up.

OK, buckaroos. Rules are simple.

Last un-beaned man standing wins.

On your marks, get set...

[whimpers]

If my sense of direction hasn't failed me,

those tracks head back to the ranch!

Hank, get ready to turn us! [screams]

-[yelling] -Yeah!

Shootout!

[grunts]

Wah, oh! Whoa!

[panting]

I'm never gonna forgive you for this, Tom.

[rumbling]

[yelling and cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey there, buddy. Where's Tom?

He's not here! He ditched me.

Oh, no. Sorry, Ginger.

Heh, heh. But a bean bag war's a bean bag war! [grunts]

Huh?

[screaming]

[grunts, groans]

Tom! You came back!

Thought you could use a little help, partner.

Now how about we finish this thing?

[laughing]

-[Tom whistles] -[grunts]

-[grunts] -Whoo-hoo!

[laughs]

[both] Woo!

[groans]

[farts]

This trophy is taller than I am! Thanks for being my dad/partner.

No problem, Ginger

I'm just sorry that I almost let Roy

and his dumb map get in the way of family fun.

[Angela] Uh, Tom?

That's a Little Cowpokes Activity Placemat.

The kids here get them free with their lunch.

Ooh. Rah! Ugh!

[all laughing]

[outro music playing]