Everybody Hates Tom/Transcript

(several men are seen moving boxes into a moving van.)

Hank: Are we remodelling? Did we win a house-decoration show contest?

Ben: No, Hank. We're finally being evicted because we're broke! Our savings are down to one coin.

Hank: No! I'm not ready to be garage-less!

Tom: No, it's bad. Our only hope is that our newest invention is a massive hit that saves the company!

Ben: The reviews will post any minute. If people don't like it, we'll lose the garage! End of business!

Tom: Don't talk like that! We'll do whatever it takes to keep this team together. Whatever it takes.

Mover: Excuse me. (takes table tennis table, robot falls, erects legs, and hands Hank a sandwich.)

Hank: Oh, thanks. So this is the new invention, huh? A food returner!

Ben: We call it the Helping Hand. It helps you do small chores by giving you a helping hand, hence the name.

(mover tries to pry laptop from Tom)

Tom: No, not yet! We need a minute!

(review is played on laptop)

Man onscreen: The new helping hand from Tom and Ben Enterprises is awful. (The friends gasp)

Man: Awfully good! It's great at opening pickle jars! And I own a lot of pickle jars. Highly recommended!

(Friends are relieved)

Ben: Oh, that's a good start, but one good review won't be enough to save us.

Onscreen small boy: The helping hand is great for reaching high shelves when you're a little guy like me.

Man 2: Anyone without a helping hand is missing out on the next big thing.

Man 3: Buy a helping hand now, will ya?

(many more positive reviews appear onscreen)

Tom: We did it! Out invention is a hit! Movers, you can put everything back because all our problems are over!

(theme song)

Sabotage
(Tom and Ben are on a show)

Host: With us are Tom and Ben, inventors of the helping hand, the must-have tech breakthrough of the year. Tom, Ben, thanks for coming onto the show.

Tom: Glad to be here. You know, since our invention came out, things have been just the best.

(flashback to alley, Tom knocking on door)

Tom: We were invited to the best parties.

(Tom is accepted into disco party)

Angela: Tom, I recognize people here from magazines!

Tom: Don't be nervous. Since your my girlfriend, that's how people are going to recognize you!

(flashback changes to garage, Hank accepts a trophy mailed to the address)

Tom: We won the best awards.

Hank: "World's Greatest Company." Hm, I'll put it with all the others.

(flashback changes to the park, Ginger is wearing a vest that allows him to fly)

Tom: We had the best times.

Ben: The people who made this hover vest want to know if we can give it our endorsement.

(Ginger takes off)

(flashback changes back to talk show)

Tom: But more than anything, we had the best feeling, knowing that we had made the world a better place.

(audience applauds)

(Tom and Ben are now at a tech demonstration.)

Ben: People ask what's next for us. I don't want to give it away, but let's say I have plans to colonize a planet that rhymes with "Blaturn."

Tom: And I want to take up surfing! Never had time before, but now that everything is good forever, I'm ready to hit those waves.

(backdrop changes to tropical scene with Tom surfing)

(audience cheers)

Tom: Let me tell you a story. It begins in a garage where two good friends had one big dream. There would be good days and bad days, but through it all, we had, uh... hello? We're kinda giving a presentation up here?

(crowd is nervously checking their phones, backdrop changes to news broadcast)

News reporter: It's chaos in the streets as the Helping Hands go out of control. Cheeks have been slapped, valuables have been stolen. What careless inventor could have let this happen?

Woman: We have to get out of here! Run! Beware the hands!

Man: How could you do this to us?

Boy: We trusted you!

Ben: Let's stay calm! I'm only sure this is a minor glitch that only affects... (checks phone and is shocked) every helping hand in the world?!

(crowd boos and starts throwing food, bot attacks Ben)

Ben: (catches potato) Who brings a potato to a tech conference?

Tom: There's no time to wonder about that, Ben! We have to go!

(Tom and Ben run offstage.)

An Apology
(A large, angry mob has appeared in front of the garage, booing the company)

Ginger: (reading sign) "The helping hand should be banned."

Angela: Get away from the window! If we ignore them, maybe they'll leave.

Ginger: Doubt it. They're setting up tents. And I see a gift shop!

Hank: (gasps) Boy, I don't think it's ever been this bad. What do you think, has it ever been this bad?

Ben: No, and I don't see how a commercial is going to fix things.

Tom: It's an apology ad. It's what tech companies do when they screw up. (plays video)

Tom Onscreen: You trusted us. And we let you down. But we also hurt you.

(Hank is seen in the background before running away)

Tom Onscreen: And we want you to trust us again.

(video ends)

Tom: Perfect. But maybe the music could be a bit more sorrier.

(loud bang)

Ginger: They want more than an apology.

Angela: You know, something isn't right. Your inventions don't go crazy for no reason.

Hank: Right. We need to get to the bottom of this. But how?

(rope appears, Roy drops from ceiling with a cardboard box)

Tom: Roy? What are you doing here?

Roy: I apologize for the dramatic entrance, but you boarded up all the doors. Anyway, I have something for you.

(box opens, helping hand appears from box)

Ginger: It's a bad machine! Squish it!

Roy: Hey, easy there, huh? I caught it raiding my sock drawer. Probably trying to steal my socks. I thought this thing could help you figure out what went wrong.

Hank: Roy, you're such a good neighbor!

Tom: No, no, he's not! This is just his way of embarrassing me, or making me look bad, or... err... err... (sighs) something.

Roy: Gosh, I'm so sorry you think that! I just thought Ben could reprogram this thing or do some science stuff!

Angela: Actually, I have a better idea!

(Hank pulls pulley that pulls the box off the bot, the bot takes a pearl necklace and runs away.)

Angela: I saw in the news that the hands have been stealing from people. Nobody knows where they're bringing the things they steal. So, if we follow it, we might be able to figure out who's behind this!

(The friends follow the bot to the forest.)

In the Forest
Ginger: Are we there yet? My feet hurt!

Tom: Angela, can we really trust a machine that came from Roy?

Angela: I don't know, maybe we should just ask that (looks forward, shocked)... giant group of machines over there!

(a large group of bots are throwing valuables into a large pile, the friends hide behind a rock.)

Ben: The hands have clearly lost all interest in helping! Everyone be careful!

(Hank steps on branch, making a crunching noise)

(bots notice and look at Hank)

Hank: It's not my fault someone left their stupid twig lying around!

Roy: Look out! Here they come!

(bots charge at the friends)

(The friends all manage to fight their bots off, but Angela is cornered)

Angela: Tom! Aaah!

(Roy picks up the bots and smashes them together)

Angela: Yay!

(Roy fights off the rest of the bots, then bows)

(The friends, except Tom, applaud.)

Framed
Angela: Woo! Good work, everyone! Now we need to see if there's a clue about who did this in the treasure pile!

(Ginger finds a surfboard)

Ginger: You mean like that clue?

Hank: That's weird, that's the same surfboard Tom wanted to get!

Tom: Come on, Hank, that is a popular surfboard. That doesn't count as a clue.

Angela: Yeah, we have to keep go- (notices something on the ground)... wait. (picks up a book) Tom, this is your journal. What is this doing here?

Tom: I don't know.

Angela: (reads book) "The helping hands are gonna make me rich. Even if people don't like them. I have a plan." (all gasp)

Tom: (backing away) Woah, woah, I did not write that. Someone is messing with me.

Ginger: Or maybe, someone moved the journal here so it would never be found.

Tom: Don't you see what is happening? (stuttering) Roy must be controlling everything! He sabotaged the helping hands.

Roy: Woah, woah, Tom, please. Don't you think you've blamed me enough for things I didn't do?

Tom: (growls) I would not sabotage my own company!

Ben: You said you'd do whatever it takes to keep us in business. Did you say programming the helping hands to steal?

Tom: No! I meant writing a company jingle!

(The bots begin marching at Tom's side, then intimidates the friends)

Hank: I've seen enough! I never thought you'd sink this low, Tom!

(Hank and Ginger leave)

Tom: Wait, no... Angela! You know I wouldn't attack the world with bad robots, right?

(Angela and Roy leave)

Ben: You know, Tom, my name is on this company too. Next time you want to destroy everything we've ever done, I'd appreciate if I at least got a memo. (leaves)

Tom: Wait.. wait!

(bots begin attacking Tom and chases him to top of pile)

(a police car arrives)

(cop gasps)

(Tom throws the necklace at the cop, bots attack the cop, Tom runs away)

Tom Returns
(at the garage)

Tom: (pretending to be part of the mob) I agree! I also hate Tom! (knocks on door) Guys, it's me!

Hank: There's someone at the door!

(Roy opens the door)

Tom: (gasps) Roy?

Roy: Tom, your friends really don't want to talk to you right now.

Tom: Move aside, Roy! I need to tell them this is a huge mistake.

Roy: (closes door, laughs) Hahaha, Tom, hahaha, it's not a mistake. It's really, really not.

Tom: (gasps) It really was you!

(flashback to tech conference)

Roy: I hacked the helping hands and made them evil!

(flashback to forest)

Roy: And then, I placed your journal in the forest!

Angela: Tom, this is your journal.

(Tom gasps)

(flashback to front yard in Neighbor Roy)

Roy: I've been after this moment since I came to town! And it's finally here! (Tom gasps) I stole your life. (laughs maliciously)

Tom: No, no! It's not fair!

Roy: (pushes Tom) Game over, Tom! Everyone hates you! O angry mob, he's right here! See you, uh, never! Buh-bye!

(Roy enters the garage)

Roy: Hey, guys, I'm back! (closes door)

(angry mob approaches Tom, chases him down a street)

[credits]