Chocolate Battle/Transcript

Act I
(Scene shows a chocolate museum. Tom and Angela take pictures of the chocolate artifacts.)

Tom: Wow, the Museum of Chocolate is everything I hoped it would be: a whole museum full of chocolate! (laughs)

(Hank and Ginger observe an artifact.)

Hank: Hmm, I really respect the artist's bold use of nougat.

Ginger: And I really respect... that I'm gonna eat that thing! (jumps over stanchion ropes)

(An alarm blares. A cage is lowered over Ginger.)

Ginger: Whoa!

(The curator, Augustus, appears.)

Augustus: Step away, please! Our chocolate art is a dessert for ze eyes only. (presses button)

(The cage is lifted.)

Ginger: Huh? What? We're surrounded by chocolate and we can't eat any of it?!

Augustus: (takes chocolate square from bag) You may have one of zese teensy-tinesy samples.

Ginger: (takes chocolate) Bah! (throws chocolate away)

(Augustus gasps.)

Ginger: You people are teasing normal folk with your riches. It's not fair! Let's go!

(The friends groan and start leaving.)

Augustus: Vait! Dere is a-one way to get more chocolate.

(Ginger gasps.)

(Augustus pulls a rope, revealing a chocolate Greek statue.)

Ginger: Wow!

Augustus: An entire, semi-sweet statue will go to ze winner of...

(Chocolate squares shoot from horns.)

Augustus: ...the Chocolate Games!

(All gasp.)

Ben: The Chocolate Games? Is that a winner-take-all battle where the last man standing eats the sweets?

Augustus: Yes! Sign here.

(A podium appears with a paper and quill.)

Ginger: Finally, this guy is making sense! That statue is mine! (signs up)

Tom: Not just yours.

Ginger: Huh?

(Tom nudges Ginger off the podium.)

Ginger: Hey!

Tom: Ours. (signs up)

Ginger: What are you doing?

(The friends all sign up.)

Ginger: Hey! Come on! I want to be the winner-take-all.

(Tom laughs.)

Ginger: Oh.

(Theme song plays.)

(Scene cuts to a red-carpeted hallway. The friends enter.)

Ginger: It's just not fair... (grumbles)

(Augustus and the friends approach a helmet on a pedestal.)

Augustus: In the game, you vill each have a chocolate bar strapped to a helmet. (takes helmet) You must knock your opponent's chocolate bar off. (pushes chocolate bar off helmet) And ze last chocolate-head standing vins the statue.

Ginger: (takes helmet and puts it on) Fine, whatever, let's get going. More chocolate, less talk-a-lot!

(Ginger's chocolate bar is knocked off by a lollipop.)

Ginger: Huh?

(The person who threw the lollipop was Darren. Darren enters.)

Darren: (slurps lollipop) Aloooha!

Ginger: Darren?! What are you doing here?! Go buy your own snacks!

Darren: Why buy what I can win? (throws lollipop)

Ginger: Huh?

Darren: And I'm going to win. You might as well go home, losers!

Tom: Yeah, Darren, one of us is definitely taking home that statue.

(Darren opens the door to another room with other opponents. They are lifting weights that look like jawbreakers.)

Tom: Uh...

(One opponent throws a marshmallow spear into the air. Another opponent leaps into the air and slashes the spear, reducing it into marshmallows. The marshmallow fall into a bowl and she eats it with chopsticks.)

(One opponent strikes a piñata. The piñatas breaks.)

Hank: He's takin' down piñatas on the first try!

(An opponent grunts menacingly.)

Hank: That's impossible!

(The friends hunch together.)

Ben: Time to adjust our strategy. These beefy bruisers can beat any one of us, but if we unite our efforts, we could still be a formidable team.

Hank: Our only chance is to work together, then we'll just share the prize.

Ginger: What?! No! I don't wanna share!

Tom: Hush! We're doing this. Now, let's make like toffee and stick together, okay?

(The friends put their hands together.)

Ginger: Okay. (puts hand in middle)

(A horn blasts.)

Act II
Augustus: Ze Chocolate Games are about to begin! Play fair, but let the chances be always on your side. (pulls lever)

(The contestants are sucked through tubes. Darren laughs evilly before being sucked in.)

(The friends land in the forest.)

Tom: (gets up) Ah... huh?

(Tom finds that they are surrounded by enemies. The opponents make intimidating gestures at the friends, but Darren quietly backs away into a bush.)

Tom: Remember the toffee, and stick together, okay?

(The starting horn blasts. The Chocolate Games begin.)

(A contestant throws a candy cane at another opponent's helmet. Their chocolate bar is knocked off.)

Eliminated Contestant: Oh, well, no chocolate for me.

(A tube appears from the sky and sucks the contestant away.)

(An opponent throws a chocolate square at Angela, but Tom catches the square.)

(Angela uses a bow to shoot three marshmallow arrows at the contestants.)

(Together, the friends continue blocking projectiles.)

Ben: Their buff bodies are no match for our superior tactics!

(An opponent charges at Tom, but the friends lift Tom out of the way. Tom eats the chocolate bar off the opponent's helmet. The opponent is sucked away.)

(The friends continue fighting off the contestants.)

(Ginger throws an Eskimo pie at a contestant, who catches it and stops fighting to eat it.)

Ginger: (gasps) That guy's wide open! I'll run out and get him.

(Ginger leaves to attack the contestant, but is stopped by Hank.)

Hank: No, Ginger!

Ginger: But he's right there!

Hank: Stick together!

Ginger: (growls) Yeah! I'm going for it!

(Ginger breaks from the group to attack the contestant.)

Hank: Ginger, no! Hold the line! Ginger, noooo!

(Hank breaks from the group to chase after Ginger, but is hit by a candy and his bar falls out, eliminating him.)

Hank: (slow-motion) Noooo!

Tom and Angela: (slow-motion) Noooo!

(Ben runs after Hank, but is also hit, eliminating him.)

Ginger: Every kid for himself!

(Ben and Hank get up.)

Hank: Oh, well, good game, Ben.

(Ben and Hank get sucked away.)

Tom: Let's go!

(Ginger hides in a tree and jumps at a contestant off-guard, knocking out his chocolate bar. Ginger eats the bar.)

(Ginger creates a tripwire for a contestant. The contestant trips and Ginger takes the bar.)

Act III
(Ginger meets Darren at a location in the forest.)

Ginger: Well, if it isn't Darren! Remember how you thought everyone else was gonna lose? (throws chocolate at Darren)

(The chocolate hits Darren's bar, but the bar stays on.)

Darren: Huh!

Ginger: What?

Darren: I do remember that, and now it's actually happening! (throws candy cane at Ginger)

(Ginger dodges the cane. Darren throws a chocolate at Ginger, who catches it and throws it back. Darren dodges the chocolate.)

Darren: (walks towards Ginger) Wait, let me get a little closer. (throws chocolate at Ginger)

(Darren throws several more chocolate balls at Ginger, but Ginger dodges them and kicks one back to Darren. The chocolate hits Darren's bar but the bar does not move.)

Ginger: What?

(Darren charges towards Ginger and knocks Ginger's bar off with a candy cane. Ginger gasps.)

Darren: There.

Ginger: Wha-

Darren: Got you.

Ginger: I hit your chocolate! That's not fair!

(Darren laughs mockingly.)

Ginger: You're cheating!

(Ginger gets sucked away.)

(Ginger lands in a prison cell with Ben and Hank.)

Ginger: Gah!

Ben: Look who stumbled into the losers' room. Team-ruining Ginger!

Ginger: Darren's cheating! I hit his chocolate, and it didn't even move!

Ben: You're a liar and a sore loser, too!

(Ginger growls.)

(Scene cuts back to the forest. Only Tom, Angela and Darren remain.)

Angela: (whispers to Tom) Hey, bogey at our six, Sweetie-Pie.

Tom: Copy that, Sugar-Plum.

(Tom notices unseen footsteps.)

(Tom gasps as a chocolate ball suddenly flies towards Tom's helmet and knocks off the chocolate bar.)

(Tom collapses and is sucked away.)

Angela: (screams) Noooo! I'll avenge you, Tom!

(Darren suddenly appears.)

Darren: No, you won't. That statue is mine.

Angela: Darren? How are you still in this?

Darren: Raw talent, I suppose. (squares up)

(Darren holds granola bars in his hands. Angela prepares her marshmallow bow and fires an arrow at Darren.)

(Darren throws a granola bar, but is blocked by Angela's arrow.)

(Angela fires a marshmallow arrow at Darren's helmet, but the bar stays on.)

(Darren charges at Angela and throws two granola bars at Angela's chocolate bar, knocking it off and eliminating her from the game.)

Angela: (falls) Oh!

(A horn blasts and fireworks blast in the air)

Augustus: We have a Champion of Chocolate!

Darren: I've never doubted myself. Show me to my winnings!

(The defeated players are released from their prison cell. They all walk out, but Ginger sneaks back to the forest.)

(Ginger finds Angela's chocolate-covered arrow and gasps.)

Act IV
(Scene cuts to the Chocolate Museum hall.)

Angela: Weird. Out of all those tough players, I never thought the toughest one would be Darren.

(Ginger appears and runs towards the friends.)

Ginger: That's because Darren, he's a cheater!

Tom and Angela: What?

Ginger: (holds up arrow) Look!

(The arrow's tip has chocolate stains.)

Angela: Hey, that's my arrow! But why's it all chocolatey? I didn't hit Darren.

Ginger: Oh, no, Angela, you hit him, but his chocolate stayed on anyway.

(Angela gasps.)

Tom: (tastes chocolate) Yep, this is helmet chocolate. Something weird is going on here.

(The friends sneak up on Augustus speaking privately with Darren.)

Augustus: Our plan vorked!

(Ginger gasps.)

Augustus: Ze glue on your helmet kept your chocolate on and you defeated the suckers who thought this vas fair.

(The friends gasp.)

Darren: They never had a chance against our cheating!

Augustus: So you get the statue, but don't forget your side of the bargain. (holds up paper) You promised me Nougat Lisa!

Darren: Yes, of course. Fair is fair... except when it's not!

(They both laugh.)

Ginger: (closes door) I was right, and nobody believed me!

Ben: Sorry, Ginger!

Tom: They are not getting away with this.