Embarrassing Memories/Transcript

Cold Open
[The episode begins with Tom, Angela, Ben, and Hank in the garage.]

Angela: What is this junk?

Tom: This junk, is this most mind-blowingly cool idea I've ever come up with.

Ben: And the most mind-blowingly cool machine I've ever made.

Hank: Wow! And you made look just like that junky VHS player we found in the alley behind the abandoned video store. What are the odds?

Ben: (angry) Well, it is! But thanks to my intricate modifications it's now a high-tech gadget the allows you to rewind the very fabric of time, and travel back to the past!

Tom: It's called, the time rewinder!

Hank: Can it still play old video tapes?

Ben :Of course it can)

Tom: Duh!

Hank: Mind blown.

Angela: Ooh, let's try it! I wanna go back in time and meet Cleopatra. I would love to borrow one of her snake arm bands.

Ben: Well, there's not enough room on this tape to record that much history. But I do have the last few years of our lives on here. (clears throat) Allow me to demonstrate.

Ben 1: Stop!

[Everyone shouts in surprise]

Ben 1: Whatever you do, do not press the rewind button!

Ben: Who are you?

Ben 1: I'm you from the future. A mistake you made on the tape loading roller, caused severe problems in the future.

Cool Ben: WRONG! ALL WRONG! I'm you from the future's future, and I've come to fix your boneheaded mistake.

Germ Cleaner Ben: You're all wrong! (exasperated gasp) Am I the only future Ben who understands quantum mechanics?

General Ben: Out of the way, dummies! General Ben is here!

Angela: Ok, this is just confusing now.

Tom: Ben...

Ben: Uh-uh, Ben Prime...

Tom: (nervous laugh) Can I have a word with you?

General Ben: (stutters) Don't touch that button!

(Ben 1-4 argue)

Tom: I'm sorry, I've changed my mind, this thing should not exist., but I've come up with an idea. We have to go back in time to before I came up with this idea, and make sure that I never come up with this idea.

Ben Prime: I don't know Tom, with all the adjustments these Bens made, the rewinder might be too dangerous now.

General Ben: No, no and no! You've all made a mess of things!

Tom: I think that's a chance we'll have to take. Out of the way, step back.

Ben Prime: What? Wait-

(Tom and Ben get sucked through time)

Angela: Ah.

Ben 1: Oh!

Angela: What?

Old Ben: Halt! I- (coughs) I am from the futurest future of all.

Hank: You're late.

* theme song*

Angela's Secret
News person: We interrupt with breaking news. The Banana Berry Bandit has struck again-

(Everyone gasps)

Ginger: Um, guys?

Tom: Hold on, Ginger.

- The Banana Berry Bandit could be anyone. It could be your friend. Or your girlfriend.

Ginger: Guys, seriously!

Tom: What is so important that you had to- Whaaat?-

(Camera pans to presumed stolen fruits)

- Oh no! Do you realize what this means?

(Tom Prime and Ben Prime travel to this moment)

Tom Prime: Wow, it worked!

Ben Prime: Of course it worked, give me that!

Tom Prime: Where are we? This isn't the garage. (gasps) We're in Angela's apartment!

Tom: Let's not jump to conclusions, for all we know, this could be one big coincidence!

Ben: You're absolutely right, Tom. I'm sure this isn't what it looks like.

Tom: Who are we kidding, Ben? Angela's the Banana Berry Bandit, we all know it.

Ginger: So where are you guys gonna go when we run from the law?

Tom: No one's running from anything. Angela is our friend, we cannot just hand her over to the police.

Tom Prime: No, no no no no no. This isn't far back enough, Ben. I thought about the time rewinder way before this uh, um, m-misunderstanding.

Ben Prime: I know, I know, but look, we can't make it that far back in one rewind. Now stay low so we don't see us while this thing cools down.

Tom Prime: How could we ever think that Angela was a thief?

Tom: Look, even if she is guilty, we have to help her.

Ben: And how are we supposed to do that?

(loud knocking)

Hank: Who could that be?

- Federal Agent!

Hank: What are we gonna do? Head guess, terrified-

Tom Prime: Hey, you wanna know what? This is really awkward so I'm just gonna, you know I mean, as long as we're here-

Ben Prime: Don't disturb anything! We don't know what effect it might have on our future!

Tom Prime: It'll only take a second.

Ben Prime: No! Tom!

Federal Agent: Did someone say "Let yourself in"? Maybe I should just go.

Ginger: He's seen too much!

(everyone fights)

Federal Agent: That's a Federal Offense!

(Hank jumps in)

Tom Prime: Hey everyone, I've come from the future to save us from a-

(muffled sounds)

Ben Prime: Ha, ha, ha, ha, hey everybody! Don't listen to this Tom! Everything's fine, and normal, and in the present!

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time.)

Hank: Uh... Hm. (jumps back into fight.)

In the Time Portal
Ben: Tom, you can't do stuff like that! Even embarrassing events from the past may be crucial to preserving the timeline we live in.

Tom: Yeah, ok, I get that now.

Ghost Pirate Hunting
(crickets chirping)

(mysterious music)

Hank: Ginger, what does the ghost sonar say?

Ginger: It says there's something this way. It must be Big Beard.

(creaking)

Hank: Okay, but be on the lookout. Whenever Jack Sauna thinks the ghost is in front of him, something happens right behind-

(interrupting crash)

(yells)

(zapping)

Ben Prime: Quick! Over here!

(yells)

Hank: Big Beard, be gone ye from this cursed home!

(yells)

Ben Prime: Now, just a few more rewinds, and we'll be able to make sure you never even thought of this thing.

Tom Prime: Hey Ben, remember that time we told Hank and Ginger a ghost story, so they'd be too scared to touch your computer while we were gone. (Tom chuckles) Yeah, that's happening right now.

Ben Prime: Yeah, sure I remember, but we scared them so much they ended up destroying my computer. (Ben gasps) My computer! It's not ruined yet! I can save it.

Tom Prime: Ben, no! Don't do it!

(indistinct talking)

(Ben bumps next to the kayak.)

Ben Prime: Oops.

Ginger: Let's do this. No ghost is gonna outsmart us!

(crash)

Ginger: (Ginger screams) Big Beard, we're sorry we touched Ben's computer, but we're not really pirates okay? You get it right?

(gasps)

(yells)

Hank: Pirates!

(zapping)

Hank: You aim high, I'll aim low.

(zapping)

Ginger: I'm aiming everywhere!

Tom Prime: You're doing exactly what you told me not to do.

Ben Prime: This is different. We can save an innocent computer.

(grunts)

Tom Prime: Ben.

Ginger: What was that?

(crash)

Ginger: Big Beard!

(zapping)

(explosions)

Ben Prime: No!

Tom Prime: Quick, get in the bathroom!

(Ginger chuckles)

Tom Prime: Okay, that's it. Something weird is happening Ben. I think we're messing with the past too much.

Ben Prime: Pleased to haunt you. (Ben chuckles)

Tom Prime: Ben, why would you do that?

Ben Prime: Those two deserve to be really scared for what they did to my computer.

Tom Prime: Ben, from now on we don't do anything that could change our timeline. Got it?

Ben Prime: Yes definitely. From now on.

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time.)

General Ben: (frustrated yell) We just missed them.

Old Ben: Just missed 'em.

(All Bens gets sucked through time.)

(going through the tunnel.)

Blanket Fort
(time traveling)

(horse whinnying)

Tom Prime: Oh, I remember this. It's when they built that fort.

Ben Prime: Oh yeah, but this wasn't the fun part. Uh, let's keep it going.

Tom Prime: No, wait, this is the part where they...

Ginger: Pour the oil!

Hank: Pouring.

(splashing and spluttering)

Ben: Olive oil? I've had it with this stupid fort.

(slipped and fell)

(Tom laughs)

Ben: (Ben groans) Stupid.

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time.)

(going through the tunnel.)

The Famous Monster
Tom: Okay, someone give me an emotion, and I will perform that emotion to you.

Angela: Jealousy!

Hank: Whimsical!

Ginger: You're tired, because you've been...

(indistinct talking)

(time traveling)

Tom Prime: Now why would you stop there?

Ben Prime: Um...

Hank: No, four layers is too much acting for anyone!

Monster Tom: Acting?

(Tom groans)

Ben Prime: (chuckles) Okay, now we're even.

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time.)

(going through the tunnel.)

Big Ben
(time traveling)

Ben: So I said, uranium, more like, my anium, huh? Am I right?

(rimshot)

Ben Prime: (Ben laughs) If I wasn't me, I'd be my biggest fan.

Tom Prime: Yeah, we gotta go.

Ben Prime: Hold on! One more joke!

Ben: Bromine. (Chuckles) Right bro? Mean? Cadmium? (Ben chuckles) I just met him.

(Ben Prime laughs)

Tom Prime: Wow, even worse the second time.

Ben Prime: I'm hilarious, I really am.

Tom Prime: Ben, we have to rewind faster. Try the double speed rewind.

Ben Prime: No way Tom! This is 80's technology. No one's tested the double speed rewind in 30 years!

Tom Prime: Let's just try it!

(grunting)

Tom Prime: You'll thank me for this!

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time)

Back in the Time Portal again
Ben: This is crazy Tom!

Tom: Relax, it's working fine.

Ben: If the tape guides snap, we could completely warp our timeline!

Tom: Trust me, everything was better in the 80s. Whoa!

Ben: Whoa!

(rewinding)

Tom: Uh, why are we going forward?

Back in Big Ben, but paused
Tom: Uh oh.

Ben: Ha! The time rewinder ate the tape!

Tom: What just happened?

Ben: Well, time froze because the machine ate the tape which triggered a flux quantum pause, and there's most likely a rip in the space-time cotinuum obviously.

Tom: Uh, quick question. Uh, what happens if we can't fix the tape?

Ben: Good question. We're stuck here forever!

Tom: What? No. We can't be. If we're stuck in time forever, I'll never spend time with Angela again.

Ben: Forgive me for not worrying about your little heart break, I'm too busy being stuck in the worst moment of my life.

Tom: Right, so we both have a great incentive to think a way out of this. (Tom gasps) What did we do when we were kids and this happened to our tapes, huh? (Tom creating a new replacing tape) (sigh) There, good as new.

Ben: Ready?

Tom: (Tom sucking in air) Mmm Hmmm.

(rewinding)

(crash)

Ben: Oh!

Tom: Oh!

Ben: Oh ho ho.

Tom: The smell.

Ben: Oh no.

Tom: Rewind.

(Tom and Ben gets sucked through time.)

Back in the Time Portal again
Tom: Rewind!

(screams)

Before Embarrassing Memories started
(time traveling)

Tom Prime: Ben, this is it. When the earthquake vase falls off the shelf and hits me on the head, that's when I think of the time rewinder.

Ben Prime: Well, we're here to make sure that doesn't happen.

(Tom chuckles)

Tom Prime: Oh no, the vase! It's about to fall! Ben, hit double rewind!

Ben Prime: But it'll eat the tape for sure.

Tom Prime: It'll also stop time!

Ben Prime: No Tom, it's too dangerous. What if we can't fix it?

All Bens: (time traveled) There he is!

Tom Prime: Just do it!

All Bens: Oh no you...

(rewinding)

(time froze)

Tom: Alright. (Tom whistling)

Ben: Tom, what are you doing?

Tom: (Tom whistling again) And, that should do it.

(Tom and Ben gets sucked back to the present)

Back in the Time portal again
(going through the tunnel fast)

(yelling)

Back in the present
Tom: Ha. Woo hoo! We did it Ben! And now, everything's back to how it should be.

Ben: Um, I don't think this is how it should be.

Tom: Uh oh.

(Camera pointing the garage as a jungle.)

(jungle animals)

Tom: Is that my vase? Uh.

(Ben fainting)

Tom Uh.

Credits and sneak peek
Angela: If you like me, you'll like this video! And if you really, really like me, you'll subscribe!

(Sneak peek)

Tom: Nooooo!

Hank: Save your energy, Tom. No one can hear you scream.