Corn Heads/Transcript

Act I
(Scene shows the garage at night. The friends are in the living room.)

Hank: (clears throat) As President of Movie Night, I want to welcome you to a perfect evening of entertainment and wonder.

Tom: (laughs) All right!

Ginger: I can't believe no one voted for me to be President of Movie Night.

Tom: Come on, picking Hank was a no-brainer. He's a master of movies. He'll get every little detail right.

Hank: Yup, I got every little detail right! We'll start at eight o'clock sharp, (points to clock) the best time for movie viewing. (dials light) I've lowered the lights to 37%, the perfect dimness for optimal screen focus. (holds popcorn jar) And, for the ultimate movie snack, we have... (opens jar)

(The jar is empty.)

Hank: (gasps) Oh, no, no, no, I'm a failure!

Angela: Wait, is something wrong?

(Hank pours out the one kernel of popcorn in the jar onto the table.)

Hank: Aw! We're out of popcorn. Movie Night is ruined. No! (runs out)

Ginger: Ha! Now, I get to be president of- aw, man! He took the remote! Oh.

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the next morning. Hank is in the driveway, tilling soil with a hoe.)

Angela: Whoa! Who's this hardworking farmer and what did you do with Hank?

Hank: Angela, the tragic events of last night really opened my eyes. If we can run out of popcorn once, we can run out of popcorn again. So, I'm growing my own corn. (kneels down)

(In the ground is a corn sprout.)

Angela: Oh! That will be so nice to have at Movie Night- in a few months.

Hank: A few months? No way! These things will be fully-grown by tomorrow.

Angela: But that's not how farming works. Unless you're planning to-

(Ben enters with a spray bottle.)

Ben: I found it! If you need instant super-growing results, nothing like my experimental fertilizer, SuperGrow.

Hank: Great! Science me up, Ben!

Angela: No! Put that away! Plants should only be grown with natural things, like sun and dirt and smiles. Like this!

(Angela kneels at the plant and smiles at it.)

Ben: That's not doing anything.

Angela: Wait for it! (smiles wider)

Ben: Hank, use the SuperGrow.

Angela: No! If you mess with nature, there could be terrible consequences!

Hank: Hm. All right, Angela, you win. I want my popcorn to be natural. And, you were louder.

(Ben groans.)

Angela: You're making the right decision. (starts leaving)

Hank: So, I'll just wait here, then... nice and patient. No need to rush to...

(Angela waves and goes inside, closing the door.)

Hank: Aw, I can't take the waiting anymore! Gimme that SuperGrow! (takes bottle, sprays plant) Now, now, now!

(The crop begins growing rapidly.)

Hank: Wow.

(Ben and Hank become scared as the corn becomes taller than them.)

Act II
(Scene cuts to Angela walking by the garage.)

Angela: (gasps) Wha-

(Angela finds the front lawn completely covered in corn crops.)

Angela: Hank, did you use the SuperGrow?

(Hank is wearing a straw hat and holding a cob of corn.)

Hank: Now, don't you worry or mind about that, friend. Just sit for a spell and let ol' Farmer Hank fetch ya a treat. (holds up corn)

Angela: Ugh, get that away from me! Science is for phones and spaceships, not food!

Hank: Now, now, that there ain't bad corn, it's good corn!

Angela: And stop talking like a farmer! Ew!

(Hank eats the cob of corn hungrily.)

Angela: (backs away nervously) Uh...

Hank: Mm! That corn is goooood corn.

Angela: (enters garage) Ben, I told you not to let Hank use the- (gasps)

(The inside of the garage is covered with corn crops.)

Angela: What is all this?

(Ben enters, wearing a straw hat and holding a hoe.)

Ben: Why, this is a-farmin'! We're plantin' a whole passel of this here corn, see? (eats corn cob) Such good corn it is.

Angela: (backs away) Uh...

Ginger: Good day, Miss Angela! We sure would be honored if you'd sample some of our vittles. Our vittles are corn.

(Angela screams as she bumps into Tom.)

Angela: Oh, Tom! Thank goodness it's you.

Tom: Heh, of course it's me! Are you okay?

Angela: I'm fine, but something's wrong with Hank, Ben, and Ginger. And there's corn all over the place!

Tom: Oh, that. Yeah, I can explain. Follow me. (walks)

Angela: Oh, that's a relief. (follows Tom up stairs) (sighs in relief) I was worried something terrible was going on.

Tom: Well, you'll never have to worry again, Angela, because what's going on is actually... (puts on straw hat) ...wonderful.

(Thunderclaps are heard. A corn monster appears. Angela screams.)

Tom: This here's the Mother Cob. Ain't she a beaut?

Angela: Oh, no, you're one of them.

Tom: Join us, Angela. All it takes is eatin' just a little bit o' corn. (holds cob)

Angela: (backs away) No!

Tom: (moans) Corn.

Angela: No, Tom!

(The Mother Cob climbs on Tom's shoulder.)

Tom: (moans) Corn!

(Angela falls down the stairs, landing safely.)

Angela: Nooo! (tries to run away)

(Hank appears.)

Hank: (moans) Corn... corn...

(Angela runs.)

Ben: (appears) Corn, corn, corn.

(Angela arms herself with a hoe. Hank, Ben and Ginger approach her.)

Hank, Ben, Ginger: Corn. Corn. Corn.

Angela: Oh, no.

(Tom watches from the balcony. The Mother Cob screeches.)

(Angela reaches the exit and runs away.)

(Scene cuts to Angela's apartment at night. Angela calls Xenon.)

Angela: They were all brainwashed. I barely got out of there, Xenon.

Xenon: Eugh, sounds like you're describing "corn control." It can happen when people eat plants grown with artificial chemicals. You didn't happen to get a sample of Ben's formula, did you?

Angela: No, I was too busy being chased around by a giant monster corn that Tom called the Mother Cob.

Xenon: That's it! That could be the source of the mind corn-trol.

Angela: What?

Xenon: You have to go back and find a way to destroy that cob!

Angela: I'll have to make them think I'm one of them. Ooh, this is gonna take all of my acting skills. (in British accent) Fortunately, I was in a play once!

Act III
(Scene cuts to the garage. Angela is wearing a straw hat.)

(Angela takes a deep breath before opening the doors and entering.)

(Ben, Hank and Ginger walk to the kitchen, where Tom is stirring a pot.)

Tom: This caramel would make some good caramel... coooorn.

Ben, Hank, Ginger: (chants) Corn. Corn. Corn.

Angela: Uh, howdy!

(The friends see Angela.)

Ginger: Huh?

Angela: I felt so guilty, I came back and ate a bunch of corn.

Ben: Hmm... hm.

Angela: Now, I'm just like you. (moans) Coooorn.

Tom: Welcome to the corn stalk.

Ben, Angela, Ginger: Corn. Corn. Corn.

(Tom leads Angela to the pot.)

Angela: So, uh, what are we doing with the big heat lamps?

Ben: We're a-makin' caramel popcorn for the town movie theater, see?

Angela: (gasps) But that's the tastiest movie treat! Everyone in town will eat it and controlled by the corn!

(Ben and Hank stare at Angela.)

Angela: Uh... w-whi-which is good. (laughs nervously) Corn!

Tom: Yes, corn sister.

(All start circling Angela.)

Tom: And after that, we'll control everyone... everywhere.

All: Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn.

(Scene cuts to night. The friends are sleeping. Angela gets up.)

(Angela pulls out the phone she had been hiding in her hat.)

Xenon (on phone): Are they finally asleep? I was getting tired of staring at the inside of your hat.

(Angela sneaks, but Hank grabs her foot.)

(Hank lets go.)

Hank: (snores) Corn...

Angela: Yeah, now, we have to stop this before it corns up the whole world! (goes upstairs)

(Angela finds the Mother Cob upstairs.)

Angela: Remember me?

(The Mother Cob hisses at Angela.)

Angela: I've brought the one thing any corn fears: a blowdryer. (takes out blowdryer)

(Angela turns on the blowdryer and aims it at the Mother Cob, who shrieks in pain.)

Angela: Ooh, can't take the heat?

(The blowdryer stops working.)

Angela: Huh?

(Ginger has unplugged the blowdryer from the wall. The Mother Cob escapes.)

Ginger: (holds plug) Deceiver!

Angela: Ginger, no!

Ginger: Outsider, you are not of the corn!

(Angela backs away.)

(The Mother Cob hisses.)

(Hank, Tom and Ben appear from behind Angela.)

Hank, Tom, Ben: Corn... corn!

(Scene cuts to the kitchen. Angela is held captive by Hank.)

(Tom holds the phone over the bubbling pot.)

Xenon (on phone): Angela, I didn't tell them anything! Don't let them-

(Tom drops the phone into the pot. The phone goes silent.)

Tom: It is time for you to join our corn-munity.

Hank: Eeee! Corn!

Angela: (struggles) Come on, Tom, fight it! I know you're still in there. Remember all our memories!

Tom: Huh?

Ben: (to Tom) Stay with us, Brother Corn.

Tom: Corn.

Angela: You're my boyfriend! I like you!

(Tom struggles.)

Ginger: Don't listen to the outsider.

(Tom strains.)

Angela: I like-like you.

(The Mother Cob screeches at Tom.)

(Tom's memories of him and Angela are shown. Angela's images are replaced by the Mother Cob.)

Ben (in memory): Corn... corn... corn...

Angela (in memory): I like-like you... (echoes)

(End of memories.)

Tom (present day): Corn...

Ginger: Listen to the music of the corn! (offers corn cobs)

(Tom takes a corn cob, preparing to force-feed it to Angela.)

Ben: Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn.

Angela: Tom?

Tom: (joins in, walks towards Angela) Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn.

(Angela shrieks.)

(Tom winks at Angela, suggesting that he broke free from the mind control.)

(Angela sighs in relief.)

(Tom hits Hank with the corn.)

Hank: Corn... (collapses)

Angela: Let's go!

(Ben tackles Tom, trying to force-feed him a corn cob.)

Tom: Run!

Ben: You've betrayed the Great Husk!

(Angela runs to the exit.)

Ginger: (appears) There's no escape. Succumb to the mercy of the cob.

(The Mother Cob appears at his side. Ginger holds a bottle of SuperGrow.)

Angela: Ginger, no!

(Ginger aims at the Mother Cob.)

(Scene cuts to Tom and Ben fighting.)

Ben: Corn! Corn! Corn!

(Ginger sprays the Mother Cob.)

(The Mother Cob grows into a giant.)

Ben: Corn?

(The Mother Cob roars.)

Hank: Corn, corn!

Angela: Not today! (sees desk lamp)

(Angela takes the lamp and leaps into the air, bouncing on Ginger's head.)

Angela: (in midair) Now we'll see what happens when a Mother Cob pops!

(Angela throws the lamp in Mother Cob's mouth.)

Angela: (lands) Tom, let's go! (picks up Tom, runs)

(A scream is heard.)

(Kernels on the Mother Cob begin to pop. The Mother Cob screams in pain.)

(Ginger removes his hat and kneels.)

(Angela kicks down the door and escapes.)

(The garage becomes flooded with popcorn. Piles appear on the driveway.)

Angela: Tom? Tom, where are you?

Tom: (gets up) Ohhh...

(Angela runs to Tom.)

Tom: I... that was... a-maize-ing. (holds corn cob)

(The corn cob turns into popcorn.)

Tom: Ahh?

Angela: That's a terrible joke, Tom.

Hank: (gets up, groans) What happened?

Angela: You used chemicals to plant your corn and it took over your minds!

Ben: (gets up) Hey, don't blame chemicals! Water is also a chemical.

(Ginger appears on the roof.)

Ginger: I learned you should eat popcorn angry. (to popcorn in hand) Take over my brain, will ya? (eats popcorn)

(All laugh.)

(Scene cuts to the living room.)

Angela: I think we know the real lesson we learned. Right, Hank?

Hank: Uh...

Angela: It's, "don't mess with nature."

Hank: Huh, but more importantly, I learned I'm a pretty good farmer! With all this popcorn, we'll never had a bad Movie Night again!

(The garage is flooded with popcorn to Hank's waist.)

(The friends cheer.)

Ben: Finally.

(Scene shows a corn sprout growing underneath the popcorn unbeknownst to the friends.)

(Credits roll)