Hank's New Job/Transcript

Winning Secret
* The episode begins with Hank and Ginger heading to a table in the diner, Ginger pretend flies with his rocket and makes noises*

Ginger: I'm going to paint giant flames on my rocket because one time I had shoes with flames on them and I was the best runner at school that day.

Hank: Yeah, decorative flames are cool I guess, but the real secret to winning is (whispering) fins. Plenty of extra fins.

Ginger: Fins? Are you sure?

Hank: Pretty sure. At least that's what I always notice whenever I look at my *Hank shows Ginger a collection of pictures* first place rocket, or my other first place rocket, or my dad's first place rocket, or my grandfather's first place rocket.

Ginger: Wow... Hank, can you help me win the Wooden Rocket Blastoff?

Hank: Well, yes, Ginger, I suppose I could help you win. But remember, winning the Blastoff takes teamwork, expensive power tools, and total focus if you wanna- (sees sundae and gasps)

Hank: What. Is. That?

(Scene cuts to the theme song)

All Or Nothing
Rhonda: This sundae is called "All Or Nothing." If you can eat it all, it's free. If you can't, it's five hundred bucks.

Hank: Uh-huh. I heard free sundae. I'll take it!

Rhonda: Are you sure?

Hank: Rhonda, please. I've never had trouble finishing a dessert in my life.

Rhonda: It's your stomachache. *Rhonda rapidly places the bowl on the table* Attention, everyone. We got a challenger here for "All or Nothing."

* Crowd cheers*

Hank: Huh, challenge, yeah right. This will be easy-peasy icy-creamsy. [takes a scoop] Whoa, what kind of ice cream is this?

Rhonda: It's from a special super-condensed milk.

[Hank takes a bite and his stomach inflates]

Hank: That's rich. Alright, I'm full.

Rhonda: Thank you for dining with us today. Your total will be... um... five hundred bucks.

Hank: Five hundred? Here's the thing. I don't have that much money with me, or in the bank...

Rhonda: Then, here's the thing. You're the new dishwasher. Take your sponge. Name it. Love it. And learn how to use it.

Hank: Wait, did I just get a job? I don't want a job, how did I get a job?

Rhonda: The last dishwasher quit and this is way easier than hiring a replacement.

Ginger: What about building my rocket?

Hank: We'll start as I get home from my job. Which I'm just starting. Which I'm not sure how I got.

Rhonda: Oh, that's sweet. Now get to work!

Life Swap
Angela: Wow, Ginger, that's a really cool design. Um, but isn't that too many fins?

Ginger: Or maybe it's not enough fins. I don't know. When's Hank getting home.

Angela: That's weird. He should be home by now.

Ben: *looking at empty couch* Huh! Um, hmm. With Hank gone, and his spot available, it's actually possible to select a TV program. I can't even remember the last time I held a remote control.

Tom: Well, turn it on.

Ben: *turns on TV* Pfft. Bongo & McGillicuddy? I'm not watching this stupid show.

Tom: Come on, Ben. Give it a chance. It's funny.

Ben: Sure, why not. It will be interesting to study the lowbrow comedy that amuses Hank.

Bongo (on TV): Okay, McGillicuddy, today's the day we finally arrest those no-good banana thieves.

McGillicuddy: Eee ooo!

Bongo: No, you can't eat the evidence! (Tom and Ben laughs)

Ben: Oh, Cuddy. An orangutan working on a banana crime? The comedy possibilities are infinite. It practically writes itself.

Hank: *comes in tired* Hello, everybody.

Ginger: Hank, finally! Look at my design.

Hank: Yeah, that's great.

Ginger: Hank, look! Look, Hank! You are not looking! Haaank!

Angela: Hank, have you been washing dishes this whole time?

Hank: Yeah, look. My fingers are all pruney, I'm exhausted. (climbs the stairs and lies down on a chest) Okay, good enough.

Ginger: Get up! We have to make my rocket!

Hank: Okay, we will. Just give me one second to- (falls asleep)

Ginger: Hank! Wake up! Hank?

(scene cuts to 5AM and Hank wakes up)

Another Day, Another Dish
Hank:  Oh yeah! Uh...

* Hank finds several large stacks of plates and sighs, he continues to clean the plates, licking some and tripping over*

Hank: Rhonda, I think I'll head home early today. Okay?

Rhonda: Oh no, you won't.

Hank: Oh, I have to. I promised Ginger I'd help him build a rocket.

Rhonda: The dishwasher can't leave until all the dishes are washed.

Hank: But I did wash all the-

* Rhonda pulls out a large bin of plates*

Rhonda: Back to work!

(Hank faints)

* Scene cuts to the Garage*

Rockets Don't Get the Dishes Clean
McGillicuddy: Eee oo aah ooo ooo!

Bongo: Why am I upset? Because a giant rubber mallet is not authorized police equipment!

McGillicuddy: Ooo oo aah oo eee!

Bongo: McGillicuddy, you are a piece of work. (Tom and Ben laughs)

Tom: Bongo...

Ben: Tom, I'm laughing because their working relationship is like a comedic exaggeration of ours!

Tom: Yeah, I know! I'm totally McGillicuddy, and you're totally Bongo.

Ben: Totally! Okay, I admit it. I had the wrong idea about this show. It's fun, relatable, quality entertainment.

(Hank enters)

Ben: Hey, Hank! Have you seen this episode of Bongo & McGillicuddy with the giant rubber mallet?

Hank: (groans) Can I have one minute to myself before you bombard me with a million questions? Is that so much to ask?

Ben: Oh, yeah, whatever you want, Hank.

Hank: *sees dirty dishes* Look at this place. What did you guys even do all day?

Ben: You know, this and that. *Ben slouches on the couch* Watched some TV, took a nap, watched some more TV, took a longer nap.

Hank: Well, it must be nice. I wash dishes all day, and now I come home and I get to wash more dishes.

Tom: It's like three dishes. I'll do it.

Hank: No, you'll do it wrong and I'll need to fix it. Just forget it.

Ben: Ha ha, alright.

Ginger: Hank, the Wooden Rocket Blastoff is tomorrow. We have to make a rocket now.

Hank: (sighs) Rockets don't get the dishes clean, Ginger.

Ginger: All you ever do is wash dishes.

Hank: That's it. Go to your room! You've got it too easy, that's your problem.

Ginger: I don't even live here.

Hank: No back-talk!

Angela: Okay, let's go, Ginger. Hank's had a very, very long day. [to Hank] Look at what you're doing to this house. You're not the man I decided to occasionally hang out with. Oh...

We Need to Talk
Tom: I've never seen Hank so grumpy.

Ben: If you say so, Tom. *laughs and falls off couch*

Tom: *walks over to Hank* Hank, we need to talk.

Hank: I'm sorry, Tom, I'm going to need to reschedge. I have these quarterly dish soap reports to fill out by tomorrow.

Angela: No, we need to talk now.

Hank: Oh, here we go.

Tom: Since you took this job, it's like you don't have any time to spend with the people you care about. Like us.

Hank: Listen, I am under enough pressure at work without you two piling on.

Angela: Hank, there's always going to be dishes that need cleaning. But there's never going to be another chance to help Ginger win the Wooden Rocket Blastoff.

Hank: Maybe you're right. You know what, I'm gonna- *gets a call* It's work. I gotta take this. (on the call) Yep, go for Hank. Well, the dishes aren't going to dry themselves. You know what, get the towels on the phone and tell them it is my way or the highway!

Angela: *sighs* What are we going to do? This job is really bad for Hank.

Tom: Yeah, and it's upset the delicate balance of our workplace.

Angela: So, how can we get him to remember what's really important?

Tom: *looks at sketch* I think I have an idea. Blastoff!

It's...pink!
Tom: I think you missed a spot.

Hank: Hey, Tom. Let me get you a menu. Table for one?

Tom: Nah, we're just going to take a quick bite then give Ginger's rocket a test launch. You know, just before the big Blastoff.

Hank: The rocket's built, huh?

Tom: Yeah, come on. I'll show it to you.

Hank: Hey, Ginger. You built a rocket all by yourself? Let's see it. (sees Ginger's pink rocket and gasps)

Ginger: She helped me. *points at Angela*

Angela: What do you think?

Hank: It's not a... It's more of a... It's not that it's, it's just uh... how do I say this?

Angela: What? Spit it out.

Hank: Well first of all it's very pink! Pink is the slowest color in the rainbow! Everybody knows that. And look at the base!

Angela: What about it?

Hank: Is there some kind of fin shortage I'm not aware of?

Angela: Oh, it needs fins?

Hank: Yes, it needs fins!

Ginger: Can we fix it, Hank?

Hank: I don't know, but we have to try something.

Rhonda: Hank, get over here! This totally solidified oatmeal is not gonna scrape itself from its bowl!

Hank: I'm sorry, Ginger. If I don't clean that oatmeal, I'll have to soak it overnight.

Ben: This is just like that episode of Bongo & McGillicuddy where Bongo got a second job selling pretzels at the mall. Then, when McGillicuddy needed help preparing for the dune buggy race-

Hank: Bongo realized it doesn't matter how many mall pretzels you sell if you don't have time to race a dune buggy with your best friend. *realizes and gasps* What am I doing here?

Rhonda: (carrying a large stack of dishes) You're taking these dishes to the kitchen.

Hank: *looks at dishes* Rhonda, there are some things in life more important than clean dishes.

Rhonda: Yeah, almost everything is more important than clean dishes. Now hurry up and clean these dishes!

Hank: Sorry, Rhonda. Ginger and I are going to the Wooden Rocket Blastoff.

Rhonda: What are you saying?

Hank: I'm saying, I quit!

* crowd cheers*

Hank: We have some un-fin-ished business! Meaning it needs way more fins. *puts down rocket, the rocket takes off and flies around the diner* Incoming! (To Rhonda) Here is my apron and my sponge.

Rhonda: Never liked you anyway.

Hank: Yeah, let's get out of here.

Ginger: *picks up rocket* Yeah, let's go!

Tom: Let's focus on winning the Blastoff.

Angela: This looks interesting.

Tom: No more distractions. *looks at sundae and gasps* What. Is. That?

[credits]