Funny Robot Galileo/Transcript

(The episodes inside the studio. Hank is making something)

Hank: Okay. Who is ready to try the greatest sandwich the world has ever known? The Hank's Special.

Ginger: I am!

Angela: (stomach rumbles) Ohh, me too. I'm starving.

Ginger: I'm starving more!

Hank: Now for the finishing touch, my secret ingredient. I don't want to reveal what it is, so please close your eyes.

(Ginger and Angela groan as they close their eyes.)

Has anybody seen the vinegar?

Is vinegar your secret ingredient?

Nice try, Angela…

Ooh.

You guys, you guys, the CEO is having a birthday party!

And we’re invited!

Wait! How did we get an invite?

Well, let’s just say someone hacked into the guest list and added our names.

Uhm...

Fine, Ginger hacked the guest list.

But I asked him to.

It was so easy.

Oh, you guys are going to get into so much trouble.

Not when we show up to his party with our newest invention - the Tompoline!

This supercharged trampoline will revolutionize the world

of spring-and-fabric-based propulsion!

Guess who has two thumbs and is performing at the CEO’s birthday party!

Is it Angela?

Yeah, is it Angela?

No, it’s me!

They booked me to do stand-up...

stand-up comedy!?

No, thanks, I’m gonna go lie down.

How many astronomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! They prefer to work in the dark.

Enough!

We have got to stop Ben.

If the CEO hears one of his terrible “jokes,”

he’s gonna think we’re the lamest, most uninspired company ever!

Which means there’s no way we’ll be millionaires by the date

I predicted on my calendar.

I’m sorry, but your stand-up is just...

not as good as it could be.

That’s an understatement...

I’m all for constructive criticism, that’s how we artists improve.

Well... there’s something...

Maybe it’s your delivery, or your jokes,

or the fact that you’re not funny.

So you’re saying it’s my delivery then?

Or maybe, you know, the other two things I mentioned.

So, all I have to do is find some way to improve my delivery...

Oh, no. Was that his robot building face?

Friends, prepare to witness history!

To improve my comedy delivery,

I created the world’s first... fully robotic... fully hilarious...

ventriloquist dummy!

Rise, Galileo! Rise!

Oh, yeah. I named him Galileo.

Hello, I am Galileo. Enthusiasm on.

Calculating comedy. Loading jokes.

It’s alive! Alive!

Whoa, this reminds me of that movie about the mad

scientist who created a monster.

You mean Frankenstein?

No, that’s not it...

Hank, you’re thinking of Frankenstein.

No. Hold on, hold on, oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue.

No, that’s vinegar.

Whateverstein.

Nice to be here!

Say, why did the chemist sit on a whoopee cushion?

I don’t know, Galileo.

Why did the chemist sit on a whoopee cushion?

Because he was looking for a big... reaction!

Thank you!

Is Galileo even less funny than Ben?

Oh, I don’t know. I’m pretending I can’t hear.

Oh, no!

Did I just make a joke about chemistry?

Yikes, that is lame.

Almost as lame as that lab coat.

Yeah, huh?

The only thing more drab and boring than that lab coat -

is the guy wearing it! Hey-yo!

He got you, Ben!

Did somebody just say something?

Because all I heard was goo-goo ga-ga!

Apparently the vinegar from Hank’s sandwich had the perfect acidity

to turn Galileo into a delightful wisecracker.

For the first time ever I’m actually confident that Ben

will get laughs on stage!

I’m sure there has been other times -

Nope!

Oh...

A little more vinegar to make sure his tongue is sharp for tomorrow.

A little extra comedy never hurt anybody.

Hello there, Mr. Garden! You look thirsty.

Let me water your flowers!

Gayayeo!

Come on, McGillicuddy, back to headquarters.

And then he laid in a tree and ate eucalyptus

for twenty whole minutes. It was awesome!

And they actually showed all that?

Oh yeah!

The Lazy Adventures of Colonel Koala is all about marsupial -

Achoo!

Oh, I’m sorry, I just happen to be allergic to boring stories!

Hey-yo, Galileo!

Remember to save some zings for the big show today.

Don’t worry. I’ll be ready.

Me too! I even wrote a new song!

Hey, Mr. CEO / Give us a little dough /

Be a pal / Don’t be mean /

Please buy a Tompoline!

Ow! The last time I heard a noise that shrill and ear-piercing,

my dentist was giving me a root canal!

Whoa, hey Galileo, that is a little harsh.

Did I strike a nerve? Yes you struck a nerve!

Wow, wow...

What’s with Galileo?

These aren’t even jokes, they’re just straight-up insults.

I don’t know, I think he’s funnier than ever!

“I think he’s funnier than ever!”

Hey, news flash, tiny.

Nobody cares what your dumb face thinks!

Hey!

Chillax, Brobot. Ginger is just a kid!

Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Too much?

Ben, you’ve gotta do something!

If he insults the CEO like this, we’re gonna be in serious trouble!

Something’s gone haywire.

I’m going to shut Galileo down, so I can check his circuits.

Watch it, pal. No-one is shutting anyone down.

Hate to break it to you, Talking Tom, or should I say,

Never-Stops-Talking Tom, but I am gonna insult the CEO!

And I’m gonna make sure he knows I was proudly built by

Tom and Ben Enterprises!

- Stop! - No!

Check, one, two.

Okay I see three checks.

Just a reminder, charity donations made in my name

do not count as birthday presents -

Bow, wow, wow...

Hey, looks like it’s time for the comedian.

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.

I was distracted by that filthy,

half-dead caterpillar stapled to your lip!

Well, I had soup earlier, and there was no napkin...

Everyone here either works for you or they just want

to sell you their lame inventions!

Where did you get that outfit from? Make me look bad dot suit?

And the company you founded?

Guess what? It’s terrible.

The only worse company is the one run by...

Those guys!

Don’t listen to him, Mr. CEO!

They’re the ones who built me!

Hey, get off of me.

What’s the big idea?

Galileo - losing - power.

I had to....

What! Was! That?!

Sir, I just created Galileo to help me with my comedy delivery.

I’m very sorry if he offended you --

Oh, I’m not offended.

What. Really?

Do you know what it’s like being the most powerful CEO in town?

Heck, yeah!

Of course you don’t.

Everyone’s always telling you what you want to hear.

No one ever gives it to you straight.

This robotic dummy was finally giving me some honest feedback

as part of his comedy act, but you destroyed him!

Wow. I don’t know what to say...

Well you better think of something because I paid for a comedy show!

So... why did the teacher send the Periodic Table to the -

Boo. No science jokes!!!

Come on, be funny.

Like your insult comedy dummy.

Alright.

Does he know it’s my birthday?

Hey, CEO! I heard you’re so mean that your goldfish

evolved legs and ran away! Hay-oh!

My goldfish...

she...

she's...

she’s passed away.

How could you?!

I'm sorry. Oh, I had no idea...

And you ruined my birthday! Security!

Let’s get out of here!

Everybody run!

And sing!

Galileo, where did you go?

Come back here on the double.

Tom! That was stupid and dangerous

Which means...

C'mon, Tom!

Say something!

Say something!

Hi?

I am freaking out right now.