Hank's First Date/Transcript

Going on a Date
* The episode begins in a restaurant. The waiters are getting ready for Hank to arrive.*

Waiter: Fix those forks. Wipe that glass! When the big guy shows up, everything has to be perfect!

Waitress: We don't usually fancy up tables like this. Who's the hot shot?

Waiter: The big cheese! The top noodle! You'll know him by the yellow pin on his collar.

* Cuts to Tom, Angela, and Hank outside.*

Hank: I...I...uh...

Angela: That's Becca's favorite flower. You're looking great for your date.

Tom: Yeah.

Hank: Gee, thanks, Angela. I guess all I have left to say is...don't make me go in there! Please! I've never been on a date before!

Tom: Oh, Hank, you can do this buddy.

Hank: Yeah, well, what if I can't? I don't know the first thing about romance! *shows a picture of him, Tom, and Ben* I'm only good at hanging with the boys. See?

Tom: Just be confident. Fake like you know what you're doing and everything will be fine. Oh...

Angela: (pushes Tom away) Yeah, you're gonna be great. (pushes Hank in the restaurant) Now, get in there!

* Hank feels nervous. Cuts to the theme song.*

Table Reservation
* At the restaurant, Hank goes up to another waitress.*

Hank: Hello, madam. I am here for a date.

Waitress: A lot of people have dates. Do you have a reservation?

Hank: A reser-reser...yeah. Is that something I need?

* The waitress stares at Hank. Hank groans. Imaginary Tom appears.*

Imaginary Tom: Remember what I said, man! Fake like you know what you're doing, and everything will be fine! *blows kiss*

Hank: Mm-hmm. Gotcha. I think you'll fond that I do have a reservation for, um...*sees an empty table* That table right over there.

Waitress: (gasps as she sees Becca's flower pin on Hank's fancy outfit) Oh, my goodness! Of course, right this way. We've been expecting you. *kisses Hank's hand*

* The waitress leads Hank to the empty table.*

Hank: Hey, I guess Tom knows this stuff.

* The scene transitions to Becca, who has arrived at the restaurant as well.*

Becca: This is a nice place. I didn't know this was how you rolled.

Hank: Oh, I'm full of surprises. Like the babysitter in that classic thriller, "I Think My Babysitter's An Alien". (chuckles)

Becca: I've seen that movie 5 times. I love it when the aliens get exploded. It's so cool.

Hank: I think you'll find there's a lot about me that's cool.

* Hank accidentally slides the plate and causes the flower vase to splash all over Becca's face.*

Hank: I'm so sorry! I goofed it up!

Becca: It's okay. I'll just run to the bathroom and wipe the flowers off.

Imaginary Tom: This is going great! Keep faking it, because you are making it!

Hank: I guess I am, Imaginary Tom. I never would have thought that the secret to dating is confidence.

Stolen Table
Waiter: (stammers) What's this?! Boy, you've got a lot of nerve.

Hank: Oh, thank you. As a dating man who does dating, having "nerve" is key.

Waiter: I'm not talking about your date! You stole this table from Tony Macaroni!

* The customers gasp.*

Waiter: Big mistake, pal. You just made an enemy of the worst dangerous pasta smuggler in town!

Hank: Huh?

Male Reporter: Tony Macaroni has escaped from prison. Police should be looking for him but they're way too scared.

Hank: Huh? (yelps)

* The limousine of Tony Macaroni has arrived.*

Tony Macaroni: Go check my table.

* Tony Macaroni's three assistants arrive in the restaurant, much to the customers' shock.*

Tony's Assistant #2: Hey! Who's that sitting in Mr. Macaroni's table?

* The waitress faints.*

Waiter #2: (stammering) The table will be ready in just a moment.

* Hank hides under the table, but lets it fall by accident.*

Tony's Assistant #1: Nobody breaks Tony Macaroni's stuff. Get him!

* Hank notices Becca has come out of the bathroom.*

Hank: (grabs Becca's hand) Becca, we have to go!

Becca: What? But we just got here.

* Hank drags Becca to the exit.*

Hank: Yeah, well, like I said, I'm full of surprises! (nervous chuckle)

* Hank notices Tony's assistants getting on their way.*

Becca: What? Whoa!

Hank: (drags Becca at the exit) Hurry!

The Big Chase
* The scene cuts to Hank and Becca at the Rickety Brothers Carnival.*

Becca: That was weird. Normally, you dine-and-dash after you eat.

Hank: Yeah, that place was...stuffy. Besides, we'll have a much better date outside!

Becca: I get it. Come on!

* Becca drags Hank to the knock the cans over game. Hank misses a shot.*

Becca: Nice shot. But watch this.

* Becca does a perfect throw at the cans.*

Hank: Wow!

* Hank notices Tony's assistants arriving at the carnival.*

Hank: Uh, uh-oh.

Hank drags Becca again. The scene transitions to Becca and Hank at a movie theater.*

Woman: Chad, it's so romantic being on the beach under the light of the moon...

* Hank once again notices Tony's assistants are at the movie theater as well.*

Hank: Sorry! Pardon me! Excuse me! *drags Becca again*

* Hank and Becca are now at the street. An artist paints a pose for them. Hank notices Tony's assistants again.*

Tony's Assistant #1: Hey...whoa. Come back here.

* The artist has drawn a picture of Hank dragging Becca.*

Artist: Hey!

* Scene cuts to the dance party. Becca lends her hand out to Hank for a dance. Hank notices the assistants again and drags Becca again.*

Becca: Hank!

* Hank and Becca do a quick dance before the assistants catch them.*

Tony's Assistants #2 and #3: Grab 'em!

* Hank drags Becca at the exit. The assistants dance their way out and arrive at the dump. Hank and Becca are in the dumpster.*

Bumbling Through an Adventure
Hank: Isn't this fun? This is a date activity called "Quiet Dumpster". The goal is to see who can be the quietest one in the dumpster. *Becca isn't very happy* Let's try.

Becca: No! I'm done! If you didn't want to date me, you should've stood me up like a normal person instead of torturing me!

Hank: What?! Becca, I'm not doing that.

Becca: Really? Then, what are you doing? Why has this entire date been so weird?

Imaginary Tom: Remember, fake it and you'll...*sees an upset Becca* Oh! Wow. Maybe stop taking my advice. Heh.

Hank: (sniffles) I ruined our date! I forgot to make a reservation for dinner, so I accidentally impersonated Tony Macaroni and stole his table! And now his goons are after us and that's why we're here.

Becca: What?

Hank: Oh, Becca! I'm so sorry! (he sobs)

Becca: Hank, that is...such a relief!

Hank: But I goofed it all up!

Becca: I know! I thought you were being mean but you were just bumbling through an adventure. Total Hank thing to do by the way. It's cute.

* Becca leans out to kiss Hank but he backs away*

Hank: (nervous chuckle) I'm just--

Tony's Assistant #1: Can you see 'em anywhere?

Tony's Assistant #3: No, I think we lost 'em.

Tony's Assistant #1: Let's go ask the boss what to do.

Becca: Have you ever faked like you knew what you were doing?

Hank: Huh?

Becca: I have an idea.

Tricking/Battling Tony Macaroni
Tony Macaroni: I can't believe this! Some nobodies steal my table? And you cheeseheads let those breadsticks slip away?! Nobody escapes from Tony Macaroni!

Tony's Assistant #1: Boss, they was real slippery-like. But, we'll find 'em.

Tony Macaroni: You had better! What kind of a noodle-head picks a fight with the best pasta smuggler in the country? ME! *slaps the assistant's face* Tony Macaroni!

Becca: Us kind of a noodle-head!

* Hank and Becca arrive at the lair. Becca is wearing a Switzerland outfit as Hank still wears his fancy suit.*

Tony Macaroni: It's them! Put the boil on 'em, boys!

Hank: Not so fast. The name's Sammy Spaghetti. This is my associate, Penny Penne. We were sent here by... the Big Bosses.

Tony Macaroni: The Big Bosses?! (stammers) What for?

Becca: Making sure Tony Macaroni ain't gone soft.

* Becca takes off Tony's pin and places it in his nose.*

Tony's Assistant #1: No! No soft!

Tony's Assistants: Huh?

Hank: Pretty good work chasing us. You proved that no one can mess with you. But, stay sharp. Because the Big Bosses'll be watching.

* Tony cowers. Hank and Becca laugh.*

Hank: Wow! Maybe you really can do anything if you're confident.

Becca: This was, like, so fun! You and I make a great team.

* Becca hugs Hank.*

Tony Macaroni: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this sweet moment over here?

Hank: Huh? Oh. That's just how we Big Bosses do over here. Right? Take your linguine back.

* Hank passes the linguine back to Tony.*

Tony Macaroni: Hmm, linguine, huh? Tell me, Sammy, what kind of cheese fills a linguine?

Hank: Uh, hey, whatever cheese you want? (nervous chuckle)

Tony Macaroni: Trick question. Linguini ain't filled with cheese. It's a pasta in the form of narrow ribbons. These two is imposters!

Hank: Run, Becca! Run!

* Hank and Becca escape. The assistants shoot pasta at them. Hank grabs a lid to shield it. One of the assistants uses a spaghetti lasso to catch the duo. Tony and his assistants take them into the boil.*

Tony's Assistant #2: I dunno if it's gonna taste good, but...(slurps)

Hank: I'm just not cut out for dating.

Becca: Don't say that. We had fun. Kinda.

Hank: But I goofed it all up! Not one thing went romantically.

Becca: (sighs) Stop whining, Hank. There's still time to save this date. *she gets her hand out of the rope* Let's dance.

Hank: *sticks hand out of rope* Dance? Why? Huh?

* Hank and Becca dance in order to get the rope untied.*

Tony's Assistant #3: Hey! Knock that off! Your dancin' is untying the rope knots!

Becca: That's the idea, goon!

* The duo successfully untie the rope.*

Tony Macaroni: Yous can't dance out of this one! Nobody escapes from Tony Macaroni!

* One of the assistants is about to attack the duo with a spoon. Becca pushes the box to make the assistant slip over with pasta noodles.*

Tony Macaroni: You're gonna pay for this!

* The assistants (then Tony) attack them with pasta noodles. Hank and Becca hide behind the boxes.*

Hank: Whoa.

* The duo hide behind the boil. Hank spots a pot of meatballs.*

Hank: Ooh, I got it!

Becca: What?

* Hank whispers at Becca. It shows a flashback of what he and Becca did at the fair. They laugh. Hank slides the pot of meatballs jn front of Tony and his assistants. Hank and Becca jump in front of them in slow-motion. They throw meatballs at them. This causes the four to bump into cans and collapse with defeat.*

 Male Reporter: Breaking news, Tony Macaroni, the feared pasta smuggler, has been apprehended by two local vigilantes. Police have finally arrested the macaroni mastermind.