The Secret Life of Ms. Vanthrax/Transcript

(Ginger tells a story to the class with a flashlight. The scene shows the park as Ginger narrates. At the park, a monster emerges from a bush.)

Ginger: (narrates) So, when the evil shadow monster in the woods wakes again to feast on the joy of our townspeople, beware!

(The monster approaches a man. The man screams.)

Ginger: ...for his next victim could be you! (ends story and cackles)

(The class is frightened by the story.)

Ginger: (turns off flashlight) ...and thus concludes my report on the history of our great town!

(The class cheers and applauds Ginger.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Be quiet! All of you!

(The class stops.)

Ms. Vanthrax: (to Ginger) And, as for you, see me after class!

(The school bell rings. The class leaves, leaving Ginger behind.)

Ms. Vanthrax: How did you find out about the joy-sucking shadow monster in the woods?!

Ginger: What? I just made that stuff up!

Ms. Vanthrax: Tell me the truth now, or you're in trouble!

Ginger: But, Ms. V., the whole thing was just a silly story! Pinky swear!

Ms. Vanthrax: Oh, uh, but of course, it was. (laughs nervously) Forget everything I said. (opens door) You can go home.

Ginger: Yes! (notices) Wait, why are you acting so weird? (gasps) Is there really a monster?!

Ms. Vanthrax: Uh... if you won't go home... I will! (leaves)

Ginger: Mm-hm!

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the garage. Tom and Angela have one leg tied together. They are practicing a three-legged race.

Tom: No, no, no, no. The left leg, the left!

(Tom falls, causing Angela to fall with him.)

(Ben enters.)

Ben: Oh, no, are we being robbed?! (holds up hands) I surrender!

Tom: At ease, Ben. We're practicing to win the three-legged race at the carnival's Jamboree of Joy.

Angela: (gets up) Tom, let's try three-legged leaps!

(Ben is surprised when Hank walks from behind. He is wearing a hat with a smiley face on it. He is carrying a box of goods.)

Hank: Look what came in the mail! Our official joy-wear!

Ben: How exciting! I can't wait to see Ginger's smile when he first lays eyes on the churro juggler!

(Tom and Angela fall over, crashing into a stool.)

Tom: Ow! Speaking of Ginger, where is he?

(Scene cuts to a house. Ms. Vanthrax is seen leaving. Meanwhile, Ginger watches from a tree.)

Ginger: Ha!

(Ms. Vanthrax enters a car and drives away. Ginger follows with his bike.)

(Scene cuts to a back alley. Ms. Vanthrax enters a manhole into the sewer. Ginger follows.)

(Ginger follows Ms. Vanthrax. Ms. Vanthrax is seen climbing a ladder out of the sewer. Ginger climbs after her.)

(Ginger climbs to a trapdoor and opens it. He finds that he is in a cupboard. He opens the cupboard door and finds that he is back in the classroom.)

Ginger: (gasps) She went back to school?! No fair!

(Ginger hides behind a desk.)

(Ms. Vanthrax presses a button on the underside of her desk.)

(The classroom transforms into what appears to be a laboratory of sorts. Ginger hides behind a shelf.)

Ginger: What?!

(A screen appears at the front of the laboratory. Ms. Vanthrax kneels before the screen, calling a certain person.)

(A man appears onscreen. It appears he is on the toilet. He is shocked when Ms. Vanthrax calls.)

Man: No, no, no!

(The man readjusts his camera so that it appears he is standing up.)

Man: Greetings, Velma. I trust you are ready for tonight's monster hunt.

Ginger: (quietly) A monster hunt!

Man: It has been a hundred years since the monster last woke.

(Ginger hides behind a window of sorts and records with his phone.)

Man: So, tonight, he will be eager to feast on the joy of innocent, happy townspeople.

(Ginger slips on something and falls. Velma gasps.)

Man: What was that?! Is somebody there?

(Ms. Vanthrax sees Ginger through the window. She quickly pushes a button, closing the screen.)

(Ginger leaps out of his hiding spot. Ms. Vanthrax tries to grab Ginger, but misses.)

Ginger: Why'd they let you be a monster hunter?! You're ooold and boring!

Ms. Vanthrax: Quiet! (hits organ keys)

(A note plays on the organ. Purple neon bars emerge from the circle where Ginger is standing on, trapping him.)

Ginger: (gasps) I should be the one on a monster hunt. You have to take me, or everybody at school sees this! (shows video on phone)

Man (on video): It has been a hundred years since the monster last woke...

(Ms. Vanthrax takes the phone from Ginger, throws it on the floor and jumps on it.)

Ms. Vanthrax: Now, the only thing they'll see is you in detention!

Ginger: The video's already backed up to the cloud.

Ms. Vanthrax: They made a video cloud? No fair. Oh, you can come. (releases Ginger)

Ginger: Woo!

Ms. Vanthrax: But you can't tell a soul about this. (holds out pinky) Pinky swear it.

Ginger: (holds out pinky) Yes! Pinky swear! (makes "pinky swear" gesture)

(Scene cuts to the woods. Ms. Vanthrax sees through a sort of high-tech goggles.)

Ginger: I can't believe I'm gonna see my first monster! I'm so excited, I feel like I'm gonna explode!

Ms. Vanthrax: (whispers) Calm down. This hunt is about patience and discipline.

Ginger: Ugh, this is so boring. How did you make monster hunting boring?!

Ms. Vanthrax: (whispers) If you're having such a terrible time, you're welcome to go home.

(A footstep is heard. Ms. Vanthrax searches for the monster with her goggles.)

Ms. Vanthrax: It's close! It's time for us to...

(Ginger gasps in excitement.)

Ms. Vanthrax: ...keep waiting, but more quietly.

(Ginger groans.)

Ginger: (screams) That is it! Your way of monster-hunting is ridiculous! (runs out)

Ms. Vanthrax: Ginger, no!

(Ginger runs into the forest with a wooden spoon. He puts on his goggles, only to find that the monster was right behind him.)

(The monster roars.)

Ginger: (screams) Help me, Ms. Vanthrax!

(Ginger runs away. The monster chases him, only for Ginger to trip on a rock and fall. The monster is approached by Ms. Vanthrax.)

(Ms. Vanthrax is armed with nunchucks. She makes threatening moves with her nunchucks. The monster hisses before retreating.)

Ms. Vanthrax: You tiny fool! I needed to capture the monster, but you forced me to scare it away! You ruined my hunt!

Ginger: (sobs) I'm sorry. (hugs Ms. Vanthrax) I didn't realize a monster would be so scary!

Ms. Vanthrax: No. Now, now. (pats Ginger's head) There's no need for big emotions. Let's think about this: the monster will go to whatever part of town is the happiest. (takes out device) Maybe a fabric store? Or a dentist? The waiting room at a bank?

Ginger: Wait, the happiest place? I think I know where that is!