The Galactic Friends/Transcript

Act I
(Scene shows the driveway at night. Tom points out constellations to Angela.)

Tom: There's the Big Dipper, there's Pisces, and there is Orion's Belt.

Hank: Why is it that the only constellation I can ever find is Party the Space Bear?

(The sky shows a constellation of a bear dancing.)

(Ben grunts. He is working on a device.)

Angela: Ben, stop working and admire the sky.

Ben: I don't have time for that! I need to perfect my Listen-o-Scope so I can make the science world forget all my recent embarrassments.

Tom: What embarrassments? Buddy, your last few ideas were great.

(Scene shows an image of a robot going haywire in the garage being held by Ben.)

Tom: The Half-Body Transporter...

(Scene shows an image of Ben holding a device with a moldy carrot in it.)

Tom: ...the Food Molder...

(Scene shows an image of Ben being punched by a shadow.)

Tom: ...the shadow that can fight you...

(End of images.)

Tom: Hm, okay, yeah, maybe they were embarrassments.

Ben: But that's about to change! Imagine a telescope for your ears! (shows device)

(The device is a tripod with three cone-shaped instruments on it.)

Angela: Oh, neat! I think. Is that neat?

Ben: It better be! I can't stay in this slump. If this invention is another dud, I'm... quitting science!

(The friends gasp.)

Hank: No!

Ben: Come on, space, bring the noise. Let's go! Show me something cool!

(Nothing happens.)

Ben: Oh. Don't make me beg! (waits nervously) Oh...

(The Listen-o-Scope rotates its listening instruments, but no sound is heard.)

Ben: ...Fine! I'm begging! (gets on knees)

(Still no sound is heard.)

Ben: (sadly) Leave me alone with my failure. That's it, the end of my career. I am the worst inventor of all time.

(Hank goes inside.)

(Angela and Tom get off the taxi.)

Hank: (closes door) I don't want to look at any stars, not after what they did to Ben!

(The Listen-o-Scope begins to light up and beep. A voice is heard.)

Voice: Hello, can you hear me?

(Ben gasps excitedly.)

Voice: I am contacting you from space... outer space!

Ben: Oh! (laughs, shouts) I am the best inventor of all time!

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the garage in the morning.)

Tom: (yawns) Ben, before you quit science, I want you to know I believe you'll have a good invention again.

Ben: (writes in notepad) You mean like the Listen-o-Scope?

Tom: No, they're all gonna laugh at you for that one, but you'll bounce back!

Ben: Laugh, you say? (laughs)

Tom: Uh...

Ben: Once they meet Allen, they'll be too busy praising my brilliance to laugh, and then I 'll be the one who's laughing!

Tom: Wait, who's Allen?

Ben: Allen is the alien I befriended last night.

(Allen's voice is heard through the Listen-o-Scope.)

Allen: I bring you greetings from the planet... space!

Tom: That thing works? That's incredible!

Ben: And we can understand each other because Allen is using a universal translator.

Allen: Bingo! Otherwise, all you would hear me saying is... (gibberish)

Ben: Just chattin' with an alien. I should bet they will make a statue of me, you know. After all, this is the biggest scientific advancement since the wheel.

Allen: I come from a planet where all wheels are square.

Tom: I'm sorry I doubted you. This is amazing, Ben!

Ben: I forgive you, Tom. If genius were easy, everyone would do it. (goes to computer)

Act II
(Tom is pulled aside with a lasso.)

Tom: Ginger!

Ginger: (puts tinfoil hat on Tom) Put this alien-deflector on, 'cause we're at Alien Invasion Alert 6.

Tom: You're worried about Ben's alien? We just kicked it. He's cool.

Ginger: Oh, you think he's cool? Well, that changes... nothing, because he's obviously evil and trying to take over the world, like in every alien TV show and movie ever!

(Movie posters depicting aliens are shown onscreen.)

Tom: (chuckles) Ginger, Ben wouldn't let that happen. He's careful with his science.

Ginger: Was he careful that day he turned the toilet into a time portal?

Tom: Hm...

(A flashback is shown of Tom being sucked into the toilet.)

Tom (in flashback): (screams) No!

(Back to present.)

Tom: You got a point there.

(Scene cuts to the desk.)

Ben: I'm so glad I found you, Allen. This Listen-o-Scope was my last chance for scientific redemption.

Allen: Well, you did it, buddy. Everyone on my planet thinks you're great.

(Tom and Ginger spy on Ben.)

Ben: Everyone? Wow, no one ever agrees on anything on this planet. That's why we could never make a planetary defense system!

(Tom and Ginger gasp.)

Allen: Really? That's good to know.

Ben: We could never fight off an invasion. Why, I can list at least four ways to take over this planet! Good thing you're friendly.

(Ginger grunts.)

Tom: Uh... do you have any more tinfoil?

(Scene cuts.)

Ben: (reads notepad) Tom, on his planet, they wear glasses so they can see worse! It's incredible!

(The friends appear, all wearing tinfoil hats. Ginger slams the door.)

Angela: (calmly) Ben, we're worried your science is out of control.

Hank: (to Angela) Don't be too hard on him. This could have happened to any of us.

Tom: But you're putting the world in danger!

Ginger: (holds baseball bat) So let's break this thing! (prepares to swing at Listen-o-Scope) I call first smash!

Ben: Stop! You don't know what you're talking about. With this Listen-o-Scope, I can bring alien technology to Earth, then all the scientists will have to respect me, and the world'll be a better place, too.

Hank: There you go, Ben has it all figured out! Who wants a sandwich? (tries to leave)

Tom: Wait, what?

Hank: Aw...

Tom: Alien technology?

Ben: Allen gave me plans for a machine. I don't know what it does, but he says it will be explosive!

(A drawing of TNT appears.)

Tom: Explosive?!

Ben: Mind-blowing!

(A drawing of an exploding head appears.)

Angela: Mind-blowing?!

Ben: Earth-shattering!

(A drawing of the Earth being destroyed appears.)

Ginger: No, don't shatter the Earth!

Ben: Every genius deals with naysayers. (picks up Listen-o-Scope) Well, naysay away! But when the Science Statue Society puts up a statue of me, I'm not going to let any of you look at it! (leaves, slams door)

Ginger: Don't you see? He's building a machine to bring in an alien invasion force!

Hank: So what's our plan? Give him the benefit of the doubt?

Tom: No, we have to stop him.

(A montage is shown of the friends trying to sabotage Ben's construction.)

(Tom climbs a fence only to find that it is electric. Ben activates it, shocking Tom.)

(Ginger attempts to sneak near Ben, but is caught in a snare trap.)

(Angela climbs onto the roof and unplugs an electric cord, but Ben activates a mechanism that detaches the roof tire, sending Angela bouncing away.)

(Ben builds a tube-shaped structure that coils around the garage.)

Act III
(It is night. Journalists arrive. Photos are taken, and a reporter arrives.)

Reporter: A local scientist claims to have an invention that'll change the world. People are skeptical. (interviews scientist)

Scientist: This better be fast.

Scientist 2: Yes, this had better not be another classic Ben failure.

Ben: (clears throat, to crowd) Welcome, great thinkers and simple-minded viewers at home! Today, you all witness the birth of a new era.

Reporter: Ben, what do you have to say to every scientist you respect and look up to?

Ben: I say to them, "Hello, distinguished peers! It is good to be your equal." You are all about to see something from... beyond the stars!

(Scene shows the diner. Viewers gasp.)

(Scene shows a hospital. A woman and patient gasp.)

(Scene shows Ginger planning a heist with the friends. They speak to each other using spy communicators.)

Ginger: Mission control here. Tom, are you in Ben's invention? You have to find its master brain.

(Tom and Hank are crawling in the giant tube.)

Tom: We're looking, and when we find that master brain, we're gonna punch it in its stupid master face!

(Angela is in the garage, wearing an alien helmet and holding an alien mask.)

Angela: And I've got the alien costumes, in case everything goes wrong and we have to blend in with them.

Tom: Ginger, I don't see a master brain.

Ginger: (shouts) Look harder! We are at Invasion Alert 7 here!

Angela: Oh, no, that's the first-most maximum Invasion Alert there is!

Ben: (to crowd) Behold, my interplanetary device!

(The lights turn on, revealing the tube-like structure more clearly. The crowd gasps.)

Ginger: The alien army is coming!

Tom: Hank, we're almost out of time! Flail your arms wildly and maybe we'll hit something.

Hank: (sadly) I'm sorry, Tom, I can't do that.

Tom: Huh?

Ben: This was designed by an advanced alien mind, so that our planet can join our friends amongst the stars! Behold... the device!

(Spotlights shine on the structure. The crowd applauds.)

Ben: (poses) For my statue, I'd like this pose. (changes pose) Or maybe this pose.

Scientist: Um... that's a waterslide.

Ben: What? No, it isn't.

Scientist: Look at the way the tubes spiral in a fun-but-also-safe corkscrew, and end in a pit that's clearly designed to be filled with water. That's definitely a waterslide.

Ben: No, it can't be!

Reporter: Dude, there's a picture of a starfish wearing sunglasses on it.

Ben: Uh... I thought that was a symbol from an alien language, signifying a star!

(The people in the crowd, restaurant, and hospital laugh. Xenon is horrified.)

Ben: Noooooo!

(Scene cuts to inside the tube.)

Tom: (to Hank) You know Ben's alien?!

Hank: I am Ben's alien.

Tom: (gasps) He's a body-swapper! I knew it!

Hank: This is all a big misunderstanding... which is just another word for a lie.

Ginger: Tom, Hank, where are you?!

Tom: Hank here is about to explain. Right, Hank?

Hank: Yeah, funny story.

(A flashback is shown of Hank watching Ben sitting on the driveway sad.)

Hank: Ben needed a science breakthrough, so I thought I could give him one by pretending to be an alien.

(Scene shows Hank communicating with Ben via the Listen-o-Scope from the bathroom.)

Hank: I used all my knowledge of things aliens say on TV. Oh, it was working.

(Scene shows Hank drawing plans for the waterslide.)

Hank: But then, Ben wanted alien technology and I don't know that stuff, so I thought, "Well, who doesn't love a good waterslide?"

(End of flashback.)

Hank: And here we are. Looks like I really blew it, huh?

Ginger: Aw, no fair! We never have space war!

Tom: Ben's making a fool of himself in front of all the scientists he wanted to impress.

Hank: Ugh, I wish Allen was here. He'd know just what to do. He's so smart.

Tom: (gasps) That's it! Angela, bring me the suit.

Act IV
(Scene cuts to the crowd, who continues to laugh at Ben.)

Reporter: This could not have gone worse for pathetic local inventor Ben. He should quit science forever.

(The crowd gasps as the ground rumbles.)

Ben: Huh?

(The crowd gasps.)

(A panel in the waterslide opens. Tom, disguised as an alien, comes out.)

Allen: (exits slowly) Greetings, scientists of Earth.

(The viewers in diner and hospital gasp.)

Allen: I am the all-knowing alien, Allen!

(The crowd gasps.)

Ben: Allen, why did you trick me? Was this all some kind of terrible space prank?

Allen: No, you built a waterslide because the Earth needs... more... sliding!

(One of Allen's antennas, which was really a bendy straw, falls off. Ben notices that Tom is in the costume.)

Ben: Earth needs more sliding, huh?

(The crowd gasps.)

Tom: Yes, you totally didn't embarrass yourself today. This is my message of peace to you all: slide, people of Earth, slide! Slide into your future!

Ben: Obviously, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever-

Scientist 2: You know, now that you look at it, this is the most mathematically-fun slide I've ever seen!

Ben: Uh... exactly! What he said.

Scientist: Ben, you've reached out to the stars and brought us amusement that is out of this world! You truly are a genius.

(The crowd cheers.)

Scientist 2: Let's water-party, everyone!

Act V
(The crowd goes to the slide.)

Ben: (laughs nervously) Yeah, pulled it off. (turns to Allen) You have a lot of explaining to do, Allen.

Tom: (removes mask) Hey, you're the one who thought you could talk to aliens.

(Angela, Hank and Ginger use the waterslide and land in the splash pool.)

(Credits roll)