Babysitter Tom/Transcript

(Tom, Hank, Angela and Ben are watching a commercial on TV.)

Announcer: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! And also Friday and Saturday...

Tom and Angela: Wow! Alright!

Announcer: Come on down to the crushtacular Demolition Derby for the ultimate in automotive destructation!

Hank: It's gonna be destructa-rific!

Ben: Eh, it looks like it could be fun, but where are the traffic signals?

Angela: I love that we're going to see the demolition derby live, because we'll be there and we'll be alive.

Tom: How great is it that Ginger's mom could get us all tickets?

(Ginger skateboards in.)

Ginger: Sorry, guys, but I can't go to the demolition derby this weekend.

(Ginger's helmet shakes.)

Ginger: Huh?

(Ginger's helmet pops off, revealing that Ginger is wearing a baby's cap.)

Ginger: Aw!

(The friends laugh.)

Hank: Not looking like that, you can't!

(Ginger groans.)

(theme song)

Angela: Why can't you go to the demolition derby, Ginger?

Ginger: My new, uncool nanny said I can't and hid the tickets. She treats me like a baby! I had to sneak out of the house just to come here.

(Flashback to Ginger's room. There is a dummy in Ginger's bed to appear like Ginger is in bed.)

Ginger: She thinks the derby is bad for my "impressionable, young mindy-windy."

Tom: Uh...

Ginger: That's what she calls my brain!

Tom: But the rest of us can still get tickets, huh? I mean, we'd miss you, of course, but-

Ginger: No, she says she has to protect the mindy-windys of my friends, too.

Hank: I'm conflicted. I really want to go to the derby, but I'm also glad someone's looking out for my mindy-windy.

(Ginger's nanny is heard calling.)

Nanny: Gingy-wingy! It's nanny-wanny! Come on, my widdle Ginger-tot! Where are you hiding?

Tom: Wow, you nanny-wanny soundsy-wounsy like a weal pwobwem. Uh, and not just because she's keeping me from seeing the demolition derby! But mostly.

Ginger: I just wish I had a cool nanny who's smart and fun and awesome. Someone like, oh, I don't know...

Ben: Sorry, Ginger, I'm too busy.

Ginger: I'm talking about Tom! He's the coolest. Look at these pictures. (shows drawings)

Tom: I don't remember any of this, but it's all right here in crayon.

Ben: You know, unlike Tom here, I've actually been to space. So, if you want to talk about orbits-

Ginger: You were never an option, Ben.

Tom: B-b-b-I know that I would probably be the greatest nanny that people or goats have ever known, but I can't, I've got a lot on my plate right now. (takes out plate of sweets and starts eating)

(Ginger pretends to call his mother.)

Ginger: Oh, hi, Mother. Just to let you know, Tom said he won't be my new nanny. Yeah, stop crying, I know it's sad, because if he were my nanny, we could totally get those tickets for the demolition derby back and-

Tom: (spits out food) Woah, woah, woah! Ginger, stop right there! Demolition derby tickets? Then I'm in! I will be... (starts jumping on couch) the... coolest... nanny... in... the world! I put extra springs in the couch for Ginger's bouncing enjoyment. Ha, you don't need to thank me.

Ben: (sarcastically) Why not just put a trampoline here? And a moat with alligators?

Angela: Ben, that would be dangerous.

Ben: I know, I- my point is, being a nanny is not supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be hard and a little bit awful. Like being an adult.

Tom: Aw!

Angela: You know where I stand on the issue of fun, Tom, I'm for it.

Tom: Yes!

Angela: But babysitting is a huge responsibility.

Tom: Guys, this is what they call a win-win. We get the derby tickets, and Ginger gets the coolest babysitter in the long history of ever.

Ben: But you have no training!

Tom: I don't need training or experience, or the advice of others who have, quote unquote, "done this before," because I know how a kid thinks.

Ben: That's because you have the mind of a kid.

Tom: Nuh-uh! You're a rotten tomato-face, poopy-pants! You see what I did right there? It's called "thinking like a kid." Huh? (continues bouncing with Ginger)

Ginger: Bouncing! Coolest nanny in the world!

(montage plays of Tom playing with Ginger.)

(Ginger falls from bouncing onto the counter, but was cushioned with springs.)

(Ginger prepares to eat a giant cupcake when Tom emerges from it and gives him an ice cream cone.)

(Ginger bikes over a ramp and makes a spin.)

(Concludes montage.)

(Tom is sunbathing in the driveway.)

Angela: Hey, Tom.

Tom: Hey, Angela, what's up?

Angela: Where's Ginger?

Tom: Probably resting after having a cool day with his cool nanny.

Angela: Oh, well, part of being a nanny, even a cool one, is knowing where the person you're nannying is.

Tom: Let me tell you something. I don't tell you how to be amazing. You just are. And I'm just a great nanny. So wherever he is, I'm sure Ginger is totally-

(Ginger falls from a tree.)

Tom: ...fine.

Angela: Ugh.

Tom: Ginger, are you all right? What were you doing?

Ginger: Finding out how far I could jump out of a tree. The answer is this far.

Angela: At least you found out.

Tom: You could have really hurt yourself! Then it would have been my fault. (gasps)

(Imaginary voices yell at Tom for letting Ginger get hurt.)

Angela: We'll never see Ginger again, Tom.

Ben: Because of your bad nannying!

(Imaginary hands point at Tom.)

All: You are a bad nanny-wanny! Bad nanny! You are a bad nanny!

Hank: Also, you ate all the pizza.

Tom: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!

Hank: Whoa, don't sweat it, Tom. There's lots of pizzas in the world.

Tom: Yeah, but there's only one Ginger.

(Imagination ends)

Ginger: (gets up) Bleugh! What do we do next? Let's see how much wet cement I can fit in my mouth! That can't go wrong!

Tom: No, no more dangerous things. I've been so stupid. It's my job to keep you safe. ("safe" echoes)

Ginger: Aw, no! Safe is the enemy of fun.

Tom: Don't worry, Ginger. I can make safety fun.

(Scene cuts to Ginger. Tom strapped pillows onto Ginger's head and body before he skateboards.)

Ginger: You call this fun!

Tom: Yeah, and here are some earplugs, just in case anything loud happens.

Ginger: But loud is how I live my life! (screams)

(Ginger's screams disrupt the CEO and Rhonda's work.)

Ginger: See? That just happened.

Tom: (clears throat) Trust me, we're still going to have a lot of fun. But safe fun! Yay! I mean, (quietly) yay.

(Montage of Tom's "safe fun.")

(Tom makes Ginger bounce on a pillow instead of the couch.)

(Tom replaces Ginger's giant cupcake with a fruit bowl and his fork with a spoon.)

(Tom carries Ginger on a wagon instead of letting him ride his bike.)

(Concludes montage.)

(Tom brings down two pillows from upstairs.)

Tom: Alright, I've got our next fun activity planned. (loudly) We're going to build a pillow fort! (quietly) Oh, sorry. But with only these two pillows, so it can't collapse.

(Tom turns around Ginger's chair only to find a dummy, revealing that Ginger escaped.)

Tom: (gasps) What?

(Tom finds Ginger sneaking out the window.)

Tom: Ginger, stop! You're my responsibility and I am not going to let you get hurt.

Ginger: You brushed my teeth for me!

Tom: I didn't want you to bite your fingers.

Ginger: Tom, I'm a kid. Sometimes kids get a little hurt. No big deal.

Tom: So you're saying I can't protect you from every possible danger?

Ginger: Right! So give up! Now let's go look for rattlesnakes!

Tom: Or...

(Scene cuts to Tom introducing his new safety invention to the friends.)

Tom: Hey, guys, Ginger said there was nothing I could do to guarantee his safety.

Hank: No one can be totally safe. Not even a safe. And they're safes!

Tom: You only think that because you haven't seen... the Nanny Ball!

(Ginger is locked in a giant hamster ball.)

Ginger: This is crazy! Tom, give me the key!

Tom: I'm sorry, but I cannot do that, little man. I said that I would be the safest nanny ever.

Angela: Uh, you said the coolest.

Tom: That doesn't sound like something Nanny Tom would say.

Angela: Nanny Tom?

Ben: As a scientist, I rarely use this term, but you've gone a little... whackadoowhizoozoohonkhonkhonk, if you know what I mean.

Tom: Hey, whatever it takes to protect Ginger. Now, I have to go to the demolition derby arena to find a seat that's big enough for his bubble. Keep him safe while I'm gone.

Hank: Now, Ginger, just because Nanny-Wanny Tom has gone a little overboard, doesn't mean you can't have fun in there- catch!

(Hank throws a ball at the bubble, only for it to bounce back.)

Hank: Oh, whoa! Good arm!

Ginger: I heard a yell and a thud. Is it Ginger? Is he safe?

Hank: Calm down. The yell was me and the thud was me.

Tom: Oh, what was I thinking leaving him? His safety comes first. In fact, I'm cancelling our trip to the demolition derby.

Hank: Aw!

Angela: But all of us were going to go.

Tom: It's not safe for his young, impressionable mind.

Ginger: (angrily) That is it! If I can't go to the demolition derby, I'll bring the demolition derby here!

(Ginger begins trashing the garage.)

Tom: No, Ginger, stop! Please! You're gonna overheat! Ginger! Stop! No!

Angela: Tom, going to the derby was the whole reason you became a nanny.

Ginger: (grunts)

Tom: That was a long time ago. It's hard to believe that was me.

Angela: It was yesterday and we still want to go.

Hank: I was looking forward to the crush-tacular destructaction!

Ben: And I was looking forward to indulging my wild side by calculating the angular momentum of the colliding vehicles.

Ginger: Forget it, everybody. He's more nut-job nanny than Tom now.

Tom: Sorry, I know it's not very popular, but Nanny Tom has to do what's right. ("right" echoes)

Ginger: Guys, if you take the key from him, we can all go to the derby.

Tom: Tah, Ginger, you are adorable, but they're not going to turn on me.

Angela: Okay, we'll turn on him.

Tom: See? Wait, what?

Ginger: Grab him!

Tom: Aw, come on!

(Hank, Angela and Ben jump on Tom.)

Hank: Sorry about this, Tom.

Angela: I didn't want it to come to this. You have become an overprotective whackadoowhizoozoohonkhonkhonk nanny.

Ginger: But I have a plan to fix all that!

(Scene cuts to nighttime. The friends are returning from the derby.)

Ginger: Woo! Awesome! (walks in) Tom, we had the greatest time ever!

Ben: (laughs) Best time! So much science. And remember, what we did to Tom was for his own good.

Angela: Still, I feel a little guilty. Tom, did you learn your lesson?

(Tom is in the hamster ball.)

Tom: After a lot of time alone, I realized maybe I was being overprotective. (sighs) I'm sorry. Can you let me out now?

Ginger: Sure, got the key right here!

(Ginger's nanny calls.)

Nanny: Gingy-wingy! Time to go for some ice creamy-weamy!

Ginger: I'm coming, Nanny-wanny! Oh, yeah, my mom rehired the old nanny. But it's cool, she's better than this whackadoowhizoozoohonkhonkhonk. (puts on baby cap) At least her crazy comes with ice cream. Gotta go!

Tom: Wait! Ginger, you have the key!

(Ginger drives away.)

Tom: Aw.

Hank: He'll be back soon enough. How about we play some ball, Tom?

(Hank throws the ball at Tom, only for it to bounce back and hit him.)

Hank: Whoa, alright. Oh, good arm!

Tom: I'll audience you!