Taco Spaghetti Burger/Transcript

[Tom] Ha! Ah! Uh! No... What are you doing? -[Tom] Ginger! -[Ginger laughing] [slo-mo] Nooo! Ha ha! Don't bring that weak game into my house! I'm seven? Ahem. [Sir Topham Hatt] I hate to interrupt your "hooping" but I need Tom to record a sales video for my brilliant new app. Sales. My specialty. What cool new tech thing is ready to sling? "The Bathroom Buddy, the app that helps you find the nearest bathroom"? Gross. Ugh. Seriously? I'm not selling that. Why not? It's a highly practical application. Because there is nothing cool about the Bathroom Buddy. I happen to think practicality is cool. Hey. What do you guys think of the Bathroom Buddy? -Uh-uh. -Bleugh! Some people wouldn't know a good idea if it was served up on a silver platter. [heavenly choir] Who wants to try my new food idea? Whoa. What is that thing? It looks like a monster baby. Well, I couldn't decide if I wanted tacos, spaghetti or burgers. So I combined them all. I call it the Taco Spaghetti Burger - TSB, for short. Mmm, mmm, mmm! My taste buds are exploding with flavor! Now, this TSB is as cool as a game-winning shot. Ha-ha! Yeah, woo! -You missed. -I don't know that. ♪ Wa-oah! ♪ -[Tom] Hank, this TSB is a work of art. -What can I say? Some people look at a block of marble and see a big hunk of rock. I look at a block of marble and I see... lunch. I'm glad you're enjoying your novelty snack. If you could please finish, I'd like to record the Bathroom Buddy sales pitch. Hey Ben, instead of wasting time trying to sell the "Toilet Friend"-- Bathroom Buddy! ...we should introduce the world to Taco Spaghetti Burger. Tom, you'll never be able to sell that slop. Oh yeah? I can sell this in a heartbeat. Watch. [whistling] [Tom] Mm! Mm-mm-mm! This smells so... [sniffs] cool! [sniffs] Mm. Ja, it does smell cool. What is it? [Tom] Oh, it's just the latest creation from Chef Hank over there. It's so new, if you bought one, you'd be our first customer. -Huh? -F-f-f-first? I will pay everything in my money-wallet to try it first. [Tom] Order up! One TSB, Chef Hank! -Okey dokey! -Oh, come on! Oh. My. Scarf. Zuper-delicious! And look at this eat-mosphere. A taxi grill. A basket-hoop. A nerd. -This garage-restaurant is the coolest. -This isn't actually a-- Wait a minute. You think our restaurant is cool? I do. And soon all of my FastaPic friends will, too. See, Ben? Cool sells. Good news. To make the Bathroom Buddy more cool, I've linked it with social media. Users can now review a toilet, and share photos with their friends. Order up! I need a TSB with extra "S"! -Pronto! -[Ben] Wait, what is going on here? -This is The Garage. -I know where we are. Home of the Taco Spaghetti Burger. Will this be for pick-up or for delivery? -Tom? -Order up! Oh, no. -Wait, hey! Who said you two can sit here? -Oh, do you work here? Yes! This is a tech company, and I am a technical engineer. Well, how about you "engineer" me a refill on my drink? [-laughing] High five! -Tom! -What's up? -I want my desk. Now! I'm sorry. We are swamped. You're looking at a 25-minute wait. That's it! I've had enough of all these... these... foodies! [gasp] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ben, please. "Foodies" is no longer the correct term. They want to be called "munchoids" now. -OK? -I don't care what they want to be called. I just want them gone so we can work on my new app! Hey! You can't treat our customers like that. We don't have customers, we have clients, because we don't have a restaurant. And the way you're acting, I'm not even sure we have a tech company anymore. Oh, if that's how you feel, then maybe you should take your Bathroom Buddy and go. Fine! I'll sell it on my own. Mark my words. Very soon, people will get tired of your "trendy" food. -And then you'll have nothing. Nothing! -[Ginger] Guys. There's a huge line of hungry-looking weirdos outside. And it doesn't look like they're going away anytime soon. Excuse me, I have to get ready for the lunch rush. Ugh! [music plays] [whistles] [laughs] Woo-hoo! Ha ha! Ha-ha. Hey there. What can I get you? Taco Spaghetti Burger? No. Of course not. Taco Spaghetti Burgers are so yesterday. Well, yes. They were invented yesterday, so I guess that's true. What else do you have here that is cool to eat? Oh. Well, we might have some cereal or something. Boring! Looks like I will be trying out the food truck downtown that also gives haircuts. Wait! Don't leave before you hear about our, uh... secret menu. -What is this secret menu? -Super-secret. Would you like to try Chef Hank's new one-of-a-kind -Banana...Nacho...Pizzas? -Ugh! -Is it organic? -If you believe it is. Okay, and dokay. One Banana Nacho Pizza for here. Tom, as a food artist, it's my duty to warn you - combining those three things might taste... weird. Oh. Don't worry, it doesn't have to taste good. I mean, people would probably drink toilet water if they thought it was cool. Trendy food just has to have a weird mix of ingredients and the right presentation. -Like Cereal Jelly Waffles! -Yeah, there you go. Now, let's come up with a whole menu full of weird new food ideas. The weirder they are, the better! All right, guys. Let's do this! [music playing] Yeah! [Angela] I can't believe they're eating all this stuff! Look, that guy is stirring his coffee with a pickle. [toilet flushes] They're even drinking toilet water, -just like you said they would. -No, Ginger. I said people would probably drink toilet water if they thought it was cool. -That's not what I heard. -Ginger! Did you serve anyone toilet water? [rumbling] -[retching] -Maybe he forgot to wash his hands. [customers retching] I got to admit, a bathroom finder is a brilliant idea. A hundred times a day people ask me where the toilet is. Which is exactly why I think you, Rhonda, are the perfect person to replace Tom as the star of my new app promo video. Well, I'm no Techie-Tina or nothin', but I guess I don't have anything better to do. Since Tom's "hip" new restaurant opened, this place has been completely empty. -But what about me? -Quiet on the set! [monotone] Like a true friend, the Bathroom Buddy is there for you when you need it most. -Cut. -Cut what? -"Cut" means stop talking. -What's the matter? Am I doing it wrong? Oh, no, there's not wrong or right. Let's try another take, but this time say it more like you think Tom might say it. -More like Tom. Got it. -Action. -"Action" means start talking. -Oh. [monotone] Like a true friend, the Bathroom Buddy is there for you -when you need it most. -Ugh! Code red! Repeat. Code red! [retching, alarm blaring] -It's barf city over here! -Whoa! Someone grab the mop! Someone grab the back-up mop! -Did that guy just take a puke-ie? -Open the door! If only there was a convenient way to find the nearest-- ...bathroom! With the state-of-the-art porpoise detectors-- Cut. It's pronounced "porcelain detectors." Tom would never make that mistake. If you like Tom so much, why don't you make a commercial with him? Because I don't need-- -Oh, who am I kidding? -[Tom] Ben! Ben! -Tom! -There you are! Rhonda, take five. -It means take a break! -Oh. -Ben, listen to me-- -No, Tom. Listen to me. You don't always like my practical ideas, I don't always like your cool ideas, -but we're a-- -A team! Yes! You need me, and I need you! So, yeah, if you want to sell cool food, I guess I'll support you. And I'm hoping you can support my practical ideas, too. Ben, I was wrong. The Bathroom Buddy is a great idea. I see that now. Uh! You never know when you're going to need it until you really actually need it. Then when you really need it, you really, really need it. And we need it! -Like, really! Like right now! -Oh, wow! You should use that for your sales video. Good idea! Can you do another take where you mention the porcelain detectors? Stop messing around. A bunch of people need to find the nearest bathroom now! -It's an emergency! -All right, Tom. I will help you. -If you say that practicality is cool. -Sure. Fine. -Say it. -Practicality is cool! Okay. One more just for back-up-- -Ah, ah, ah, okay! -Ah! So, it looks like you both had something you needed from each other. Ben needed Tom to sell his idea. Tom needed Ben to come up with practical inventions that-- Well, that's the problem with restaurants. Sometimes you're popular and sometimes you're empty. -[muffled retching] -Oh, customers! Come on in! Come on in! -[retching and puking] -[Angela screams]