Big Ben/Transcript

...so I said, “YOUR-anium, more like MY-anium!” Ha? Am I right?

I love watching Ben do stand-up. He’s awful!

I can’t do this anymore! Even my fake laugh sounds fake.

Listen: Ha! Ha! Good one, Ben.

Hm, try this.

Wait, that’s fake? That’s how you laugh when I tell a joke.

Oh, Tom. You’re so funny.

Bromine. Right, bro? Mean.

Cadmium. I just met him.

Iodine. I-oh-dying up here.

Cat got my Tungsten.

Iridium...

Ha-ha!

Hey, there he is! Ben the comedian!

Yeah, way to go, buddy!

Don’t bother lying to me. I bombed.

Oh thank goodness! He already knows, guys.

It just doesn't make sense! I know my jokes were humorous!

Look at this spreadsheet. Every joke I did tonight was from the “funny” column.

I know the problem! You think your jokes are funny, but they’re not funny.

Oh! That’s why no one was laughing! Your jokes aren’t funny!

No, my jokes aren’t the problem, I know that! But there’s some piece of the

comedy puzzle that is still missing, and I’m going to find out what that is!

Ha-ha-ha! How was that?

Better.

Oh! Eureka!

My research is complete. I’m happy to say that I finally found a way to perform

comedy so my material gets the laughter it deserves! This is gonna be really big!

Sounds like you’re ready for some jokes!

You know why I don’t trust atoms?

Because, as we know from science, atoms make up everything!

That’s a good one, huh?

Oh my face! Ben is huge!

How could he possibly get that big?

The Gain-A-tron! My research proved that big equals funny, and this device

will instantaneously quadruple my size. This is what I was missing!

Right, so why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

To get to the same side!

Why are they laughing? No one even knows what a Möbius strip is!

Can it, tiny! I’m tryin’ to laugh at that house on the stage!

I don’t think Big Ben is getting laughs for the right reasons...

You’re right, I’ve seen this before. They’re laughing at him.

This is communal shaming.

Pardon me, I just need a little liquid refreshment.

Be careful there.

Who wants to hear a jape about a focused ray of light?!

And that, my friends, was comedy.

People were definitely laughing...

Precisely! My invention, the Gain-A-Tron, has given me a huge comedy stage presence

to match my already hugely funny material.

You’re hugely wrong. No one thinks your jokes are funny. It must be that

people were laughing at you.

As opposed to laughing with you.

False. They were laughing because they understood my clever wordplay

and my science-based comedy.

Ben! I didn’t understand a word you said, but you sure were funny!

- Up top! - Put it there, pal!

You’ve done it again! Good one!

It’s not working. We’re not strong enough.

Keep pushing.

Just get me to the couch. I don’t have all day here, you know.

Hey guys, maybe this would help?

- Is everyone Okay? - I am fine.

It’s not fine!

Ben ate Ginger!

No. He’s right here.

That was disgusting!

Ben, this isn’t worth it. Your size is getting in the way of your life.

But it’s not getting in the way of my comedy.

It’s not comedy! You’re not funny, Ben! You’ve never been funny!

The audience would beg to differ.

Everyone’s laughing at you cause you look ridiculous!

You could read names out of a school yearbook and get the same response.

Absurd! My audience can tell the difference between a well-crafted joke

and a list of random words!

Oh yeah? Prove it!

Maybe I will!

And then the molecule replied, “Osmosis!”

You could read names out of a school yearbook and get the same response.

And now I think I am gonna roll. I think I'm gonna try out some new comedic material.

Robert Jones.

Suzie Daniels.

Ah, the chess club. Stan Miller...

Michael Smith...

Hey, let me try.

Hi, my name is Ginger and I’m not a comedian!

Doug Jones...

See, Ben? I’m just as funny as you. Even funnier. And I’m cute.

Give me that book!

Blimp fight! The laughs don’t get any bigger than this!

I just wanted people to think I’m funny, but Ginger was right. They

were laughing because I was huge.

I might as well put the Gain-A-Tron in reverse and go back to plain old Ben.

Hey, where is the Gain-A-Tron?

Uh-oh. My butt did a bad thing.

That was my only prototype.

I guess you’re just going to be stuck this way.

I guess so. Unless...

Hey, me jumping on you is really deflating you.

Oh, excuse you.

Looking smaller, buddy!

You know... this whole experience has taught me... a lesson. I want people

to laugh at my... wit, not at me. And that will take time... patience, and diligence...

As I was saying... I’m already developing a hilarious new routine... about gravity.

Sounds pretty... heavy.

That one was a fake one, wasn’t it?

Tom, please leave the comedy to the comedians.

Hey, let me try!

Geronimo!

Noooooooo!

My butt did a bad thing again!