Space Conflicts VIII/Transcript

(Scene shows the friends playing as characters of movie series Space Conflicts.)

Ginger (as Lord Evil): (in low voice) If you refuse to join me... (takes out sword) you and Chip Trailblazer will be banished to the galaxy that's super far away.

Hank (as Old Elf): Lord Evil, I shall never join you.

Ginger(as Lord Evil): (approaches Old Elf, laughs) Your ship blew up and you're all alone. You don't have a choice.

(Tom and Ben appear.)

Tom (as Chip Trailblazer): Give it up, Lord Evil.

(Ben, portraying "Roll-bot," makes beeping and whistling noises.)

Ginger (as Lord Evil): Chip Trailblazer and Roll-Bot?

Tom (as Chip Trailblazer): That's right, Lord Evil! You're outnumbered.

(Ginger cackles.)

Hank: Oh no! He's forcing me to fight on his side with his space magic. I'm sorry, Chip!

(Ben fights Hank as Tom fights Ginger.)

(Tom manages to defeat Ginger using his sword. Ginger collapses to the ground.)

(The battle ends. The friends were playing on the driveway. Angela appears.)

Angela: Ooh, fun astronaut costumes, everyone!

(The friends laugh at Angela.)

Hank: "Astronauts!" Awesome joke, Angela!

Angela: Uh...

Tom: Wait, do you not know who we are?

Angela: I don't know, it looks like you're a spaceship captain and Ben is your little robot helper.

Ben: N-no, we are clearly dressed as the iconic characters from the Space Conflicts film franchise.

(The friends pose with their swords.)

Ginger: Yah!

(Ben beeps and whistles.)

Tom: The première of the eighth movie is this weekend and I'm hosting it!

Angela: Oh, that's nice. I've never seen Space Conflicts.

(All gasp.)

Angela: I mean, I started the first one once, but I got tired and fell asleep.

(Scene shows a flashback of Angela sleeping on her couch.)

Angela: It didn't seem that great.

Tom: Space Conflicts are my favorite movies of all time. How do you not know that?

Angela: Oh, um...

Tom: I thought you were taking this relationship seriously.

(Tom picks up a toy spaceship and runs away, making whooshing noises.)

Angela: Wait, Tom, don't fly away from me!

Tom: (continues) Waoooo!

Angela: Tom!

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the garage. Tom is polishing his Space Conflicts figurines.)

Angela: Hey, Tom. (hesitates) Cool toys!

Tom: Hm.

Angela: I just wanted to say I shouldn't have said your movies weren't good.

Tom: No, it's okay, you're entitled to your opinion.

Angela: Oh, good, I was worried you were still mad at me.

Tom: Ha! Totally over it. Don't even worry about coming to the première with us tomorrow.

Angela: I can still go with you!

Tom: No, Angela, it's fine. You don't like the movies, so I guess you just won't be a part of this.

(Ginger enters with a stack of colored cups.)

Ginger: Guys, guys! These are all my Lord Evil Collectors' Cups- one for each Space Conflicts movie!

Hank: Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ginger: When I use these to drink my milk, it's like I'm Lord Evil... drinking milk.

Hank: (views cups) Whoa, you can really see how the character has grown throughout the series. Oh, what a ride it's been.

Ginger: Yeah, and tomorrow night, I'll finally get an Episode 8 of Lord Evil Collectors' Cup!

Tom: Yeah, maybe I'll get one, too, and share it with- (looks at Angela, sighs) ...other people who like Space Conflicts.

Angela: You know what? Maybe I'm wrong about these movies. What if I watch the whole series tonight and get totally caught-up? Then, I can go to the première with you!

Tom: All right! (clears throat, refers to movies) Now, most people watch 'em in this order: four, five, six, then one, two, three, and then seven.

Angela: Okay, got it.

Tom: No, you don't. For the full experience, you're gonna wanna watch it in what I call "Tom's Order," which is: one, two, four, five, seven, one again, three, then skip six until after the première. (throws away sixth movie, hands movies to Angela)

Angela: (takes movies) Mm-hm, totally. That makes perfect sense.

Tom: I'm so jealous you get to watch these for the first time.

(Scene cuts to Angela's apartment. A montage is shown of Angela preparing to watch the movies.)

(Angela prepares chips, popcorn and other snacks for the movie viewing.)

(End of montage. Angela sits on the couch and plays the movie.)

(The television shows scrolling text.)

Narrator: A long time ago, on a planet far away, a rebel space squad fights against the Galactic Council.

(Angela begins to get sleepy.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, Chip Trailblazer, a young scrap wrangler from the dunes of Honcrocko, dreams of a life of adventure...

(Angela starts to fall asleep, but shakes herself awake.)

Narrator: ...with his hover-classmate, the fur-beast Grimdor Wargor.

(Angela falls asleep, dropping the bowl of popcorn on the floor.)

(Scene cuts to morning. Angela awakens to a phone ringing.)

Angela: Oh, no. No, no, no! This is bad. (answers call) Hey, Tom.

Tom (on phone): So, what did you think? Was your favorite part when Chip Trailblazer had to fight Lord Evil with his eyes closed?

Angela: Well, the thing is, I actually didn't-

Tom: -think it was gonna end like that? I know, right?

Angela: (lies) Uh, yes! I absolutely did not expect that! With the... fighting, and the... eyes...

Tom: I knew it! You're the greatest girlfriend in the world.

Ginger: Tom, I just found out they're only giving Collectors' Cups to the first hundred people! We have to get in line now!

Tom: Okay. Gotta go, Angela. See you tonight. We'll save you a spot! (ends call)

Angela: Yeah, see you tonight. Uh, oh.

(Scene cuts. Angela calls Xenon on her laptop.)

Xenon: Oh, hey, Angela, what's goin' on?

Angela: (in hysterics) I told Tom I watched the Space Conflicts and I tried to watch them and fell asleep, and now, I have to be an expert on Space Conflicts in an hour or now he'll know I lied to him! (shakes laptop) What do I do?!

Xenon: Wow.

Angela: Please help me, Xenon. You're my only hope.

Xenon: So, just because of my nerdy appearance and my love for science, you assume I'm some sort of expert on Space Conflicts?

Angela: No, I... I didn't mean-

Xenon: Ha, ha, just kidding! Of course I love Space Conflicts! Ah, it's only, like, the best science-fiction franchise ever!

(Angela sighs in relief.)

Xenon: You have come to the right person, Angela. I will train you. Soon, you'll climb the Cliffs of Reason.

Angela: Y-yay?

Xenon: Uh, that's a Space Conflicts reference. (sighs heavily) We better get started.

(Scene shows Xenon and Angela in a space-like area.)

Xenon: Any real Space Conflicts fan knows the famous speech Chip gives to his clone father. Repeat after me: "By the light of the stars, by the glow of the moons..."

Angela: "By the light of the stars, by the glow of the-" There's more than one moon?

Xenon: (facepalms) Oh!

(Xenon trains Angela by teaching her sword moves. Angela performs the moves.)

Xenon: Gravity defense! Asteroid attack! Quasar pinch!

(Angela performs the moves and leaps in the air.)

Angela: (lifts up sword) Yeah!

(Scene cuts back to the apartment. The training has concluded.)

Xenon: Well, the bows aren't exactly right, but you'll pass. You never really memorized the big speech, though. Do you feel ready?

Angela: Oh. (chuckles) I am ready. I am as ready as the psychic residents of Mentaloon were for the surprise attack in Episode 6!

Xenon: (gasps) Ooh! How'd you remember that?

Angela: I made myself a little cheat sheet, just to be on the safe side. (lifts sleeve)

(Angela has written details on her arm.)

Xenon: That should help.

Angela: Yeah, I'm going to fit right in.

(Scene cuts to the auditorium during the première night. Fans line up on the sidewalk. The friends are in their costumes.)

Angela: (refers to friends) Hello, there, Lord Evil, Old Elf, Roll-bot, and who could forget, Chip Trailblazer?

Tom: Wow! Lady Nebula, you look great!

Ben: Well, it looks like somebody finally discovered the joy of Space Conflicts. (beeps and whistles)

Angela: Oh, yes, I was so wrong before.

Hank: Oh, ho, not so fast! Well, if you're really a fan, you'll have a fan theory. What are your Episode 8 predictions based on small clues from the first seven movies, hm?

Angela: Well, I definitely think the good guys will win in the end. I just hope the Space Squad can get past Lord Evil's... (reads from arm) ...asteroid cannon.

Hank: Hmm... all right. I'm satisfied... for now.

Tom: Ah, this is gonna be great! You are the best, Angela.

(The theater opens.)

Ginger: It's finally time! That Collectors' Cup is mine!

(Guests start running inside.)

Ginger: Everyone out of my way!

(Scene cuts to the movie theater. Ginger is in a seat.)

Ginger: (refers to cup) I got one! This evening is everything I hoped it would be.

Angela: Nice Lord Evil cup, okay! Does it glow in the dark like he does when his magic is at full power?

Ginger: Nope! I filled it with popcorn, though. Want some?

(Angela takes some popcorn, but the popcorn sticks to her hand and fizzes.)

Angela: Ew, what is this?

Ginger: I like to add soda to my popcorn. It gives it that fizz that most popcorn is missing.

Angela: (shakes off popcorn) Ugh, gross!

Ginger: Disagree! (takes out straw, sips from cup)

Angela: Bleugh!

(The lights dim. Tom goes onstage.)

Tom: (to crowd) As your mayor, I have one very serious question: who is ready for Space Conflicts, Episode 8: The Magnetic Threat?!

(The crowd cheers.)

Tom: In this town, we kick off Space Conflicts premières the right way: with the famous speech that chip gave his clone father in Space Conflicts, Episode Four: The First One.

(The crowd cheers.)

Tom: I want to call up someone very special to do this. She's a new fan, and I couldn't be more happy to welcome her to the space-iverse.

(Angela stares uncomfortably.)

Tom: My girlfriend, who has never let me down, and never will, Angela!

(The friends cheer for Angela, who is uncomfortable, not knowing the speech.)

Angela: Ben, this is too much pressure. If I mess this up, I'll humiliate Tom in front of the whole town.

Ben: But you won't mess it up! You're part of the space family now.

Hank: Yeah, and not a fake fan, right?

(Angela sighs and goes onstage.)

Ginger: (sips from cup) Ugh, my stomach hurts.

(Tom gives Angela the microphone.)

Tom: Angela, you got this. You know the words.

(Angela refers to her arm but gasps.)

(The writing on Angela's arm has been smudged.)

Angela: Oh, no! Ginger's soda-corn! Okay, no need to panic.

(Her heartbeat accelerates as the audience watches her. She sweats.)

(A memory of Xenon appears.)

Xenon (memory): The words are in your heart. Use the space magic... (echoes)

(Angela looks at her arm. Imaginary letters emerge from the writing.)

Angela: (takes deep breath, clears throat) "By the light of the stars, by the glow of the moons, I'll fight for freedom and victory."

(The crowd joins in.)

Angela, Crowd: "The hour is dark, but with our robot-helpers from Glaxon-8 by our side, we will bring back the power of space magic!"

(The crowd cheers.)

Tom: Woo! (laughs) Yeah, the accent was a little off, but she did it! Let the adventure begin!

(The crowd cheers. Tom and Angela return to their seats.)

Angela: (on phone) Xenon, I did it! It worked! Everyone is so proud of me! Yeah, the movie's starting now. (ends call)

(Scrolling text appears on the screen.)

Narrator (in movie): ...a giant magnet capable of trapping all metallic robots with its magnetic pull.

(Angela begins to feel sleepy.)

Narrator (in movie): It is up to Chip Trailblazer and the Space Squad to rescue the cyborg residents of the great city of New Starrington.

(Angela falls asleep.)

(Scene cuts to the end of the movie. Angela wakes up.)

Angela: Hm.

(Angela's friends surround her, angry.)

Angela: (nervously) I wasn't sleeping! Did the movie start yet? I loved it! Uh, did the good guys win?

(Credits roll)