The Big Nano Lie/Transcript

Act I
(Scene shows Ben working on an invention at his desk. He works with tools and a magnifier attached to a helmet.)

(He removes a glowing blue object with forceps and throws it aside.)

Ben: (breathes out) It's finished.

Tom: Oh, yeah?

Hank: (gasps) Whoa! What is that?

Ben: The Nano-Laser- a laser so nano you can write your own name on the side of an atom!

(The device itself is a minuscule beam. Tom views it through the magnifier.)

Hank: Sounds like another neat invention from good-old Tinkerin' Ben!

(Tom pulls the magnifier back and lets go. The magnifier hits Ben.)

Ben: (squeaks) Ow! Oh, this is much more than just another invention, my friend. It's been a personal dream of mine to make this for years. (picks up remote) Now, I'm going to show you and our viewers-

Tom: (takes remote, nervously) Uh-uh-uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no. You know, you've been working hard all week. (tosses remote aside) We're takin' you to the carnival!

(Hank is wearing a party hat and lei. He is holding a bunch of balloons.)

Hank: Yeah!

(Hank dresses up Tom and Ben in party attire. Ben blows into a noisemaker.)

Ben: (spits out noisemaker) Ah, no. The Nano-Laser is its own reward.

(Tom and Hank pick up Ben and drag him away.)

Ben: Ah- what are you doing?!

Tom: That's it, we're leaving, whether you like it or not.

Ben: (breaks away) But I could hypothetically run more tests!

(Tom whines, begging.)

Hank: (begs) Please! Ben.

Ben: (sighs) Oh, fine. I've earned this. To the carnival then! (starts leaving)

Tom: Yeah!

Hank: Carnival! Carnival! Carnival! (exits, closes door)

(Scene turns to sunset. Angela and Ginger enter. Ginger holds a soccer ball.)

Ginger: Hey, no one's here. Didn't they know we were going to do a surprise pickup soccer game today?

Angela: Maybe we can have a two-person surprise pickup soccer game.

Ginger: Pfft, with you? Bet you can't even do a dizzy spin-kick.

Angela: (takes soccer ball) Oh, really? (bounces ball on knees, kicks)

Ginger: Whoa!

Angela: (bounces ball on head and knees) Yeah! (kicks)

Ginger: (dodges ball) Whoa!

Angela: Yeah! In your face!

Ginger: Whoa!

(Ginger and Angela continue to play soccer in the garage.)

Ginger: That was awesome!

(Angela steals the ball from Ginger and prepares to kick.)

(Angela kicks. Ginger leaps towards the ball and catches it.)

Ginger: (lands, gets up, dances) Oh, yeah! I caught it! I'm the best!

(Ginger slams the ball on the desk, unknowingly crushing the Nano-Laser. The laser fizzes.)

Ginger: Huh?

Angela: Uh... uh-oh.

(Theme song plays.)

(Angela and Ginger attempt to repair the Nano-Laser using Ben's forceps and magnifier.)

Angela: (places piece using forceps) This is really bad.

Ginger: Maybe this piece goes here?

(The laser begins to reactivate and function again.)

(Angela and Ginger stare in amazement.)

(The laser suddenly stops working and fizzes again.)

Angela: (removes helmet) Oh, we're just making it worse! (takes out cellphone) Okay, we have to call Ben and tell him what we did.

Ginger: (runs over) No, we can't!

Angela: (pushes Ginger away) Ben worked really hard on this. (starts call)

Ginger: Please! I broke one of Ben's inventions just last week. He said if I break anything else, he'll never let me back in the garage! I can't be never-let-in!

Ben (on phone): Hello, hello, hello? Angela? Hello!

Angela: Aw. Okay, fine.

Ben: Do you hear me?! Angela! (growls)

Angela: (ends call) We won't tell Ben.

Ginger: Yes! (laughs)

Act II
(Scene cuts to the carnival. Hank jumps with balloons, Ben holds a lollipop and Tom holds a container of fries.)

Tom: I think I've had a science breakthrough of my own: fries taste better when you've had too many of them. (eats fries)

Ben: Well, that's not science, but I'm not complaining today. Life is just more delicious when you've finished a nano-laser.

Man: (offscreen) Did somebody say, "nano-laser?"

(The scene shows two elderly scientists.)

Hank: Oh, Ben, it's your science rivals, Mel and Flo!

Tom: What do you want, Mel and Flo?

Flo: Just to know if what Ben claims to have made is true.

Mel: We've mastered the macro-laser.

(Scene shows Mel and Flo on a gigantic laser.)

Mel: We've mastered the micro-laser.

(Scene shows Mel holding a small, handheld laser.)

Mel: But the nano-laser?

(Scene shows Mel and Flo failing to building a nano-laser.)

Mel: Oh, that's confounded us for years.

Ben: Well, don't feel too bad. I'm sure lots of scientists wouldn't be able to figure it out... but I did! (holds microscope slide)

(Mel and Flo gasp.)

Ben: I carved the likeness of a genius onto the side of an atom.

Flo: Oh, okay.

(Mel takes out a microscope. He sees that on the microscope slide is an atom with Ben's face on it.)

Mel, Flo: Aah, ooh!

Mel: Oh, fabulous!

Flo: We owe you a congratulations, fellow scientist! (extends hand)

Ben: Ooh, you've never called me "fellow scientist" before!

Mel: Why don't you come with us to the photo booth? We must commemorate your achievement!

(Hank cheers.)

Tom: Go have fun, you crazy, science-loving weirdos.

(Photos are taken of Ben, Mel and Flo. Ben holds the photos in amazement.)

(Scene cuts to the garage. Angela continues trying to fix the laser.)

Angela: (holds part) That looks okay.

Ginger: I really appreciate you doing this for me.

Angela: Well, this won't fool Ben for long.

Ginger: What?!

Angela: He'll know something is up when he tries to use it and gets glue on his hands.

Ginger: Hmph! We'll cover up our crime. (goes upstairs)

Angela: Uh...

(Ginger rummages through objects upstairs. He returns holding a baseball bat and wearing a balaclava.)

Ginger: We have to make it look like someone else destroyed it.

Angela: What?!

Ginger: (prepares to swing) Take that!

Angela: No, Ginger!

(Angela stops Ginger from hitting the invention.)

(The door opens. Ben, Tom and Hank enter. Ginger hides.)

Tom: Hey, guys! You should have been here earlier. You could have gone to the carnival with us.

Angela: (nervously) Heh, yeah, imagine if we had been here earlier, but we weren't.

Ginger: (without balaclava) Hey, Ben, you look happy.

Ben: I'm having a perfect day, all because of the biggest little breakthrough in laser tech yet... the Nano-Laser. (walks toward desk)

Angela: (tries to stop Ben) Oh, did you want to go that way? 'Cause, well, if you want to, you have the... the right of way. I could just move that way-

Ben: (simultaneously with Angela) I'll go that way, you'll go that way... why don't you go this way, not the other way?

Hank: Ooh, you two sure are clumsy. It's almost like you're trying to bump into Ben, (giggles) but that's crazy.

Angela: (sighs) Okay, listen, there's something important we have to tell you-

Ginger: (interrupts) And it's just that I have to interview the most inspiring adult in my life: you!

Ben: Really?! I don't even know what to say!

Ginger: (tries to push Ben out) Let's go to my house, where my school supplies are. A-also, because it's not here.

Ben: (stops) Hang on. I need to do one thing. (walks toward desk)

Angela: (nervously) No, uh, Ben, you- huh?

(Ben sticks the photo of Mel and Flo onto his monitor.)

Ben: There! Now I'm ready. (leaves)

(Angela sighs, relieved.)

Ginger: Let's get outta here. (whispers to Angela) Finish the job!

Angela: Aw.

Act III
(Scene cuts to Angela's apartment. She speaks to herself in the bedroom mirror.)

Angela: It's good that we're not telling Ben the truth. If we did, he'd get mad. And what friend would want to make another friend mad? A bad friend, and I am not a bad friend.

(A miniature hallucination of Ben appears, pushing over a perfume bottle.)

Ben 1: Yes, you are, Angela.

(Angela screams and jumps onto the bed.)

Ben 1: Not telling me the truth makes you a liar.

Ben 2: (appears from pillow) And liars are bad friends!

(Angela screams and runs to the living room.)

Ben 3: (appears in kitchen) Bad friend!

Ben 4: (appears from popcorn bowl) Bad friend!

Ben 5: (pounds on window from outside) Bad friend!

Angela: I had really good reasons, I swear!

(The miniature Bens corner Angela against the front door.)

Bens: (chants) Bad friend! Bad friend! Bad friend!

(Angela pulls on the door but the door appears stuck.)

Angela: Please!

(The laser bursts through the door with monster like legs.)

Nano-Laser: You killed me, Angela! Why?

(Angela screams and runs from the laser and the Bens.)

Bens: (chants) Bad friend! Bad friend! Bad friend!

(Angela reaches the window and attempts to open it, but it does not open.)

(One of the Bens ride on the laser creature, who approaches Angela.)

Angela: (screams) Noooooooo!

(Angela wakes up on the couch, revealing that the incident was only a nightmare. She gasps for air.)

(Scene cuts to the garage. Angela enters and finds Ben sitting at his desk.)

Angela: (sighs) Ben, I have something to tell you.

Ben: Not now. My Nano-Laser has been destroyed. (throws parts on floor)

Angela: I am so sorry. We were just-

Ben: How... (slams desk) dare someone do this?

Angela: Wait-

Ben: If they just broke it and fessed up, that would be one thing. But to do a terrible job fixing it! (screams) Did they think I wouldn't notice?! (throws computer on floor) DID THEY THINK I WAS AN IDIOT?!

Angela: Maybe they were afraid you'd be mad?

Ben: Don't... defend them! (starts leaving) Nano, you will be avenged. (pushes past Angela)

Angela: No! But, wait, Ben! I was gonna say-

(The door slams.)

Angela: I'm so sorry.

(Tom appears, having woken up, holding a pillow.)

Tom: (rubs eyes) Angela, are you okay?

Angela: I'm the most not-okay ever! (picks up parts) I broke Ben's laser! I smashed it when I was doing soccer spin-kicks with Ginger.

Ginger: (appears) Hey! Don't drag me into this! (gets down on rope)

Angela: (sobs) I'm the worst friend ever!

Tom: You broke the laser? That can't be, because I broke the laser.

(A flashback is shown of Tom practicing limbo while sipping from a coconut.)

Tom: (narrates) I accidentally snapped off a piece when I was practicing my limbo moves.

(Tom ducks under the limbo bar.)

Tom (in flashback): (throws coconut) Yeah, woo!

(The coconut lands on the laser, crushing it.)

Tom (in flashback): Uh-oh.

Tom: (narrates) So I had to glue it back on.

(In the flashback, Tom attempts to fix the laser while sipping from the coconut.)

(End of flashback.)

Tom: That's why I took Ben to the carnival.

Hank: (appears) Hang on. I thought it was me who broke it!

(A flashback is shown of Hank sitting at the couch watching TV. By the couch is the laser with onion rings hanging on it.)

Hank: (narrates) I used it as an onion-ring-holder and accidentally melted part of it.

(The laser fizzes from the onion rings.)

Hank: I tried to fix it with chocolate. That made it smell better, but didn't solve the problem.

(In the flashback, Hank attempts to fix the laser with a chocolate square. Hank licks his lips, but hears the continued fizzing.)

(End of flashback.)

Hank: That's why I was so happy to go to the carnival with you, and also because, hey, it's the carnival!

Angela: So we all thought that...

(All laugh.)

Ginger: Yeah, we're all guilty!

Angela: Right, but who does Ben think did this?

Tom: Hm... (sees photo on floor, gasps, picks up photo) Oh, no, this is not good. (shows photo)

(The photo is the one taken by Ben at the photo booth. Mel and Flo's faces have been defaced and scribbled on.)

Act IV
(Scene cuts to Mel and Flo's laboratory. Ben breaks in wearing burglar attire.)

Ben: Hm... (imitates Flo) "We owe you a congratulations, fellow scientist!" (takes out baseball bat) I'll give them something to congratulate.

(Ben rummages through the items in the laboratory and throws them into one pile. He laughs evilly.)

(Scene cuts to the streets. The friends are running to the laboratory.)

Tom: Come on, run faster!

(Scene cuts back to laboratory. Ben is at the laboratory's control room.)

Ben: (cackles) Hello, Macro-Laser. It's time to invoke Isaac Newton's bonus law: for every act of science sabotage, there is an act of science revenge! (pulls lever)

(The Macro-Laser activates, ready to fire. Ben laughs.)

(The friends enter.)

Tom: (blocks window) No! Ben, stop!

Ben: No, Tom! Revenge stops for no one! Move!

Angela: It wasn't Mel and Flo who broke your Nano-Laser, Ben. It was us!

Ben: (stops laser) It was you?!

Tom: Yeah. I limboed it and a piece snapped off.

Hank: I used it as an onion-ring-holder and a piece melted.

Angela: And I did a soccer spin-kick and all the pieces shattered.

Ginger: I did nothing! (giggles)

Ben: (gasps) I assumed it was sabotage, but it was just clumsiness! (leans on laser)

(Ben accidentally reactivates the laser, snapping the lever off. An alarm blares.)

Ben: (gasps) Uh-oh.

(The laser prepares to fire.)

(Mel and Flo enter.)

Flo: The alarm! Someone tripped the alarm! (sees Ben) Ben, is that you?!

(Ben panics, trying to pull the lever. The laser stays on.)

Ben: (presses button) No, no, no! Stop that!

Mel: What the devil?

(Mel and Flo leap out of the way just as the laser fires, destroying all the items.)

Act V
Mel: Our inventions! Our research! You are going to regret- (gasps)

(The control room is empty. The friends are attempting to sneak out.)

(Hank steps on a green colored pencil, snapping it and producing a noise.)

Hank: Uh-oh. Looks like our dishonesty has consequences after all.

(Mel growls with rage. He and Flo chase the friends.)

Tom: Everybody, run!

(The friends run away.)

(Credits roll)