Happy Town/Transcript

(The CEO is in his office with Darren.)

CEO: Soon my plan to become mayor and destroy Tom and Ben Enterprises will be complete. (cackles)

Darren: Um, uncle? Don't you remember what just happened?

(The scene cuts to a flashback from Vote for Tom!)

Darren: Tom had a secret system to become mayor but when it was stolen by you, it all came down to the Mayor Factor competition. And you did not win. Tom won.

CEO: I know, but it's not fair! I want to be mayor!

(The CEO kicks his chair and falls over)

CEO: Ow! Now my kicking leg hurts. This is the worst day of my whole life!

(The CEO cries and throws a tantrum while Darren closes the door and sighs)

(theme song)

(Two people are about to kiss at Jerry's when Ginger peeks in the window. Ginger then enters.)

Ginger: Everybody, remain seated. No sudden moves! I'm doing a security sweep for the new mayor. (goes over to Wesley) Sir, do you mind telling me why you aren't eating that soup?

Wesley: I'm waiting for it to cool down.

Ginger: Sir, I'm gonna need you to eat that soup!

(Wesley blows the soup and then sips the soup as steam comes out of his ears)

(Ginger opens the door for Tom as he walks in)

Ginger: All clear!

(Tom enters.)

Tom: Thanks, Ginger. I don't really need security. Ha!

(Tom poses)

Ginger: Ha!

(Tom poses again)

Tom: Check that guy over there.

Ginger: I'm on it!

(Ben enters Jerry's)

Ben: Now, let's get down to business!

Tom: Bah, bah, bah. Way ahead of you. We have to decide when I'm supposed to wear my mayor sash and when I should probably wear my mayor button.

Ben: That's not what I meant by business. I'm talking (pulls out a piece of paper) about the minor civic infrastructure issues that urgently need to be deal with.

Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, (Tom takes the piece of paper from Ben and throws it away) I don't know what those words mean. But I do know that being mayor is about wearing sashes, cutting ribbons, and making sure everyone is happy, which they are.

Rhonda: I'm not happy, Mr. Mayor. I'm tired, my shows weren't on last night, and earlier today, I stepped on a bee.

Tom: Sounds like a job for Mayor Tom. Let's see that foot. Hmmm.

(Tom looks at Rhonda's foot.)

Ben: Tom, no! Rhonda's complaints and feet have nothing to do with a mayor's responsibilities.

Rhonda: Oh yeah, you're probably right. Besides, no one is really happy, I mean,

(Scene shows dishwasher blowing on his finger)

Rhonda: Joe the dishwasher has a hangnail,

(Scene shows a woman screaming and slamming her laptop into the table.)

Rhonda: Lucy's laptop broke.

Lucy: (screams)

(Scene shows man hiding behind menu. He is wearing pink.)

Rhonda: Oh, and Marv put a red sock with all the whites and ruined his laundry.

Tom: I had no idea people were so unhappy. I have to do something about this. (clears throat) Citizens! I am your mayor and I want to put your simple minds at ease. I hereby promise that I will not rest until everyone in this town is happy. Yes, you heard that right! Until everyone is happy.

Ben: Tom, you can't promise that!

Tom: Oh, right. That's not a promise. That's a guarantee!

Ben: Oh, no!

Tom: Thank you, thank you. Now you can return to putting food in your mouths.

Ginger: You heard the mayor! Everybody back to lunch! (points to Wesley) That means you, sir.

(Wesley fans his tongue.)

(Scene cuts to Tom yelling at passersby from a "Complaint Booth" kiosk. Tom yells at a random man.)

Tom: (through megaphone) Excuse me! I don't see a pep in your step! Why are you so unhappy?

(Angela and Hank appear.)

Angela: Hey, Tom! What's going on? Why are you screaming at strangers?

Tom: Guys, a lot of people in this town aren't happy and that means I'm not the mayor I promised to be.

Hank: Tom, there's always gonna be unhappy people in a town. And happy people. And angry people. And... that's why they call it a town!

Tom: Not in my town. Not on my watch. (yells at a man) Hey, you! What's your problem?

Man: Me? People keep yelling at me.

Tom: (through megaphone) Who's yelling at you- Oh, ah. (in normal) I see. Great, now I'm part of the problem.

Angela: Tom, things aren't so bad. Look, (waves ticket) there's a park concert right now, featuring DJ Joy and The Magic Spider Band. There's gonna be tons of happy people there!

Tom: I guess we could go check it out. I bet the mayor gets in for free.

Hank: But who's going to work the complaint booth until you get back? (Tom and Angela leave.) OK, I'll do it. (through megaphone) Come on, boys!

(Scene cuts to park concert. Tom and Angela are dancing with a crowd. Music is playing.)

Singer: (sings)

♫ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♫

♫ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♫

''♫ Oooh-aaah-aaah! ♫''

♫ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♫

♫ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♫

''♫ Oooh-oooh-aaah! ♫''

Angela: See, Tom? There were happy people everywhere. Even during the sad songs.

Tom: Yeah! Everyone was having fun and everyone was happy. If only there was some similar way to make the whole town happy. (gasps) Wait a minute!

(Scene cuts to Tom giving a presentation in the garage.)

Tom: Research shows that you need three things to be a good mayor: F (writes letter F), U (writes letter U, then drops marker on floor)

(Hank, Ben and Angela gasp.)

Tom: (picks up marker and writes letter N) ...and N.

(Hank, Ben and Angela sigh.)

Tom: Fun. So, we're having a fun town party! (Tom tears off the page, revealing a drawing of a party underneath.)

Ben: (spits out coffee) What? Tom, fun is not going to address any of the underlying issues with our town's civic infrastructure!

Hank: Ben's right! Let's party!

Ben: (spits out coffee) No!

Tom: This party will make everybody happy! It's what a mayor is supposed to do!

Ben: A mayor is supposed to- hold on, I have a spreadsheet. (takes out spreadsheet) Hmm, a mayor is supposed to: dust the welcome sign, pull the dandelions from the sidewalk cracks, hand out big checks and cut ribbons with big scissors!

Tom: You seem upset. Sounds like you need a party. An F-U-N town party.

Ben: No, I do not.

Tom: Come on, Ben.

Ben: No!

Tom: Oh, yeah? Then why are you wearing a party hat?

Ben: (notices party hat and spits out coffee) How did this get on my head?

(Scene cuts to Hank with a camera in park)

Hank: Quiet on the set, people! Whole lot of work! All right, Tom! Action! (starts filming)

Tom: Hello, town. It's time to face facts. Some of you are unhappy, and it's my duty to fix that with... a town party!

(Ben, who is watching from the garage, spits out his coffee.)

Tom: (makes jingle)

Feeling down about some traffic lights?

Well, come get down with our laser lights!

Worried that tap water tastes like rust?

Well, dump that water and drink some party punch!

"We feel like our voice isn't being heard!"

Then turn up the volume on the karaoke stage!

Angela: (sings) Come to the town party, yeah!

(Ginger tackles Angela)

Ben: What?

Ginger: Excuse me, ma'am, do you have permission to be here?

Angela: Argh! (chases Ginger)

Tom: You know, it's days like this where a mayor is glad that he can do something great for this beautiful town.

(Scene cuts to park during evening. A crowd is dancing.)

Tom: Yeah, woo! (dances) (laughs) Gotta admit, it's a pretty great party.

(Hank is wearing a coconut bra and holding maracas.)

Hank: I know. The grocery store is giving away mermaid costumes.

Rhonda: Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor! I know I complained before, but you put the "fun" in "mayor." And that's not just me talking; that's everyone saying.

Tom: Thanks, Rhonda. I officially proclaim you Happy Citizen of the Day!

Hank: Whoa, Happy Citizen of the Day? That's a great honor!

Rhonda: And what do I get for this?

Tom: Uh, the maraca. (gives Rhonda maraca)

(Ben pulls Tom aside)

Ben: Well, I hope you're happy.

Tom: I'm very happy! Wait a minute, this sounds like you're setting me up for something bad.

Ben: Your out-of-control party is turning this town into a disaster.

Ginger: Is this guy bothering you? Got a churro; I'm not afraid to use it.

(Ben lifts Ginger and puts him aside.)

Ben: Tom, I mean it. Look at the mess you've made.

Tom: What? All I'm seeing is people who love their town. Like those dancers over there who are dancing on that garbage pile.

(Scene shows two people dancing on garbage pile)

Ben: Tom, that was a garden.

Tom: Alright, well, hey! What about that cool merry-go-round with the tires that you sit on?

(Scene shows "merry-go-round.")

Ginger: That's and upside-down car.

Tom: Oh.

(Tom realizes that the town party has caused a mess in the park. Several areas are smoking.)

Tom: Is that smoke or a large number of fog machines working in unison?

Ben: A little bit of both.

Tom: What have I done? I have to fix this.

Ginger: Security 1-9. Mayor's on the move. We're going to need air support.

Ben: Who are you talking to?

Ginger: It's pretend, Ben. Jeez, you really ruin everything.

(Tom talks to a blindfolded man hitting a lamppost, believing it to be a piñata.)

Tom: Sir, I need you to stop partying!

Man: Hey, you're yelling at me again! Good thing I'm having so much fun in this party, it doesn't bother me. (continues hitting lamppost)

(Tom talks to Rhonda.)

Tom: Rhonda, I need you to give me that maraca.

Rhonda: Get outta here! I just became Happy Citizen of the Day, you can't take that back. (sings) Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda!

(A group of people are running towards Tom looking to take pictures.)

Tom: Whoa! Well, okay, just one.

(Several pictures are taken.)

Angela: Tom, why so blue? It's a town party!

Tom: This town party is ruining the town! And I can't make it stop!

Angela: Oh, yeah, I see what you mean. People's hands are in the air and they're waving them like they just don't care.

Tom: I care, because I'm the mayor! It's my job to care. But now, I guess it's also my job to clean this up.

Angela: Tom, these people aren't going to stop partying just because you start cleaning! I mean, if they see a broom, they're just going to put a wig on it and start dancing with it!

Tom: This is it! Great idea! Let's go!

(Tom yells in a megaphone)

Tom: Stop your dancing, citizens! I'm shutting this party down!

(The crowd boos.)

(Angela starts playing music.)

Tom: And starting a new party! A cleanup party!

(Tom starts dancing. The citizens pick up a broom and start dancing while cleaning.)

Citizens: (in conga line) Hey! Hey!

Tom: Hank, can you lead that conga line all the way to the dump?

Hank: It would be my honor, Your Honor!

Citizens: Hey! Woo-hoo! Hey! Hey!

(Citizens continue dancing in conga line.)

Rhonda: So, it kind of seems like we're doing work.

Angela: (laughs) Just dance it out!

Tom: Well, this was almost a disaster. I guess it's not a mayor's job to make everyone happy.

Hank: Unless you're Mayor Cheer from Mayor Cheer and the Smile Squad. I'm not sure if that's an actual show or just a toothpaste commercial.

Angela: Yeah, besides, if there was no unhappiness, how would we know what happiness is? Huh, if you think about it, that's a really deep and smart thing I just said, so you're welcome.

Ben: So, Tom, now that this is under control, I assume you'll be referring to my spreadsheet of civic infrastructure issues for your next mayoral decision.

Tom: No, Ben, I've learned my lesson. I don't think I'll be making a mayoral decision for a long time.

Ben: (groans)

Angela: Seriously, can you believe how smart that thing I said was? Maybe I should be mayor.

Hank: But that's a story for another day. (winks)

(The citizens continue dancing and cleaning.)

(credits)