Daddy Ben/Transcript

Can we get this done quickly?

It’s Songs ‘N Lasers Night at the Rollerskate Pit.

Oh, let’s dump everything in a garbage bag and throw it outside.

We’ll be done in five minutes.

It’s not like we’re using this junk anyway. I mean, what’s even in here?

Receipts and sandwich wrappers?

Actually, it’s all stuff from when we first started working together.

Hahaha! Look at how ridiculous we looked! And by we I mean you

coz’ I look totally cool in this picture.

We were just two guys with a dream, a garage and a mouse.

Did we even have a business plan?

Ha! Can you believe we used to work on such primitive machines?

Look how many centimeters thick this is! Look, Modern Smartphone.

It’s your ancestor. I feel bad for it, too.

Didn’t you write your first program on this thing?

Yeah. I never could get it to work, though. I wasn’t such

an experienced programmer back in those days.

Oh, come on, I bet you could fix it now?

Let’s see if this works.

Okay, hold on, let me blow on it.

Oh, yeah, that always works.

He shoots!

... And I immediately found the problem.

Someone stuffed a marshmallow into the back of the tablet.

Oh wow, yeah! From our college prank marshmallow war, remember?!

I mean, I wonder who did that.

This is why I don’t let you touch my things anymore.

Exit Sleepmode.

Huh. Maybe my programming wasn’t the problem after all.

Initiating search for: Da-da-da-Daddy.

Nah. The voice on this program must still have a glitch.

It just mispronounced the word “Ben” as “daddy.”

My daddy is... Ben.

Um, Ben? What was this program supposed to do?

I don’t even remember. I think I just made it because I was bored.

My daddy... made me. My daddy is Ben. Ben is my da-da-daddy.

Daddy Ben made me.

I love you, Daddy. Daddy, daddy, daddy.

Daddy - huh!

I didn’t set out to make a computer that feels love. Personally, I find

the idea of love complicated and icky. The only explanation is that

the program I wrote has accidentally developed

the personality of a small child. I guess I don’t really have

to explain that. It’s just basic computer science, right?

Seen it, seen it, don’t wanna see it. Ooh, a four-hour background

image of a fish tank! I’ve been meaning to check this out...

Agh!

Guys! We’re infested with robot rats! Do we have any virtual cheese?

This isn’t a robot rat, it’s a computer that Ben brought to life - obviously.

How cute! Oh, he’s got daddy’s eyes.

Sorry. Boomerang was getting in the way while I was cleaning, so I gave

it wheels to move around and entertain itself.

Boomerang?

I’m Boomerang!

It likes to be called Boomerang.

I don’t know, Ben. Computer kids are a big responsibility. From what

I’ve seen on TV, you have to talk to your kids almost every day.

And warn them about stranger danger.

Well, I think of every program that I write as my offspring.

Boomerang is no different.

Daddy! I’m stuck! It’s dusty and dark under here! Help! Daddy! Help! Daddy!

Dadada... I’ll sing you a lullaby. The modem noise always calms him down.

Uhm.

So... like I was saying, this isn’t gonna be a big deal at all.

Cut it out, Boomerang.

You can’t get me, Ginger.

Everybody knock it off! Boomerang!

Slow down! Ginger! Stop riling up the toddler tablet.

You can’t shoot me because I have a force field that shoots back lasers

so when you shot me you actually hit yourself!

No fair! No fair! Force fields are cheating!

Oh, man. This room looks worse than before. We’re never gonna make it

to Songs ‘N Lasers Night at the Rollerskate Pit at this rate.

I am so disappointed.

Yeah, there’s been an unexpected development. Boomerang’s computer

brain is growing quickly. Now he’s already about Ginger’s age.

Well, if you don’t think you can go to Songs ‘N Lasers Night,

I understand. I mean, you kind of have a kid now. I can go with Hank.

Yes!

Of course I wanna go! It’s a night with both songs and lasers!

Never mind!

We’ll just quickly clean up the garage and be ready to go.

Oh, man! I didn’t think that would actually work!

Ginger!

Hu-hu. Let’s throw things at him while he can’t move! Hu-hu, Hu-hu!

Guys, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to go out tonight.

Don’t give up just yet. I’m gonna make a call to someone who might

just give us some help. She’s an expert.

Guys, get a clue. Just because I’m a girl it doesn’t mean I know how

to babysit. Anyway, I charge by the hour. Oh and I’ll keep him away

from the TV and you just tell me when his bedtime is.

Oh, you are a life saver, Angela. I was starting to think we wouldn’t

make it to the coolest laser-and-music- and-roller-skate-themed night in town.

Oh it’s fine, and also fine that you weren’t gonna invite me to that

fun thing. So, can I meet the little dude?

Yeah, he’s around here somewhere. Boomerang!

Boomerang!

Oh, his name is Boomerang. Hey, little guy.

‘Sup.

We’re going to have so much fun while Ben and Tom go out, okay?

Does that sound like a good idea? Yes, it does, yes, it does.

Uh, why is this old lady talking to me like I’m some kind of kid?

I'm not a kid, okay? I’m like four hours old.

Hey Boomerang! Did you forget

we were just about to start playing king pirate robot?

Ugh. Pirates are so done.

Oh. You take that back!

I can’t even be around you anymore, Boomerang! You’ve changed!

Whatever.

His programming must have upgraded again.

He now has the personality of a surly preteen.

Man, I hope he doesn’t fry his circuits with all these upgrades.

He’ll be fine. Now let’s get out of here before Angela changes he mind.

You know, I don’t really need a babysitter.

Why don’t you just let me come with you?

I don’t know, Boomerang. I kind of need a break, okay?

Come on, I have never been to a party. I’d be great at a party.

Check my moves.

Look, I’m not taking you because you’re just a program that I wrote

and I need time to myself, okay?!

Well, if you don’t want me around, then I’ll just go! Just go, just go.

Wait, Boomerang. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.

You have to pull it to open it.

I hate everyone and nobody understands me! I want to listen

to my music! Teen stuff, blegh, blegh, blegh.

Tom, it looks like I won’t be going to the Rollerskate Pit after all.

Boomerang, you’re right.

I can’t just ignore you. What do you say we go out and get

a milkshake? Just the two of us.

Well, I don’t have a mouth or any way to consume food. But sure, whatever.

So then I rewrote all your code, and that’s how you were born.

Gross. I did not need to hear that.

It’s perfectly natural.

Ew, Dad!

Hey, do you think that air conditioning unit is looking at me?

Uh. Air conditioning? Well I’m not sure how I would be able

to tell that. Uhm. Maybe?

It doesn’t matter. Someone with that many amps wouldn’t have any

use for a guy like me anyway.

Hey. Never say that about yourself. You are a great application,

sweet Boomerang. And I am proud of you.

Really? Oh...

Oh, wow, Ben, you really missed out, man. I mean, the Rollerskate Pit

was a life-changing experience. I mean I don’t think I’m ever gonna

look at in-line footwear the same way again.

I mean... oh, you guys made up.

You know what? We have. This day hasn’t gone the way I planned it,

but maybe that’s okay. Because I’ve got Boomerang now.

And I’ve got you, Pop. Update available “young adult” mode.

Error. Not enough memory. Error. Error. Circuit overload.

- Shutting down. - Boomerang?

- Shutting down. - Boomerang?

- Shutting down. - Boomerang!

Did I break another computer thing?

I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even bring a marshmallow this time.

No! Boomerang’s clunky old computer body can’t contain his rapidly

expanding mind! Argh, why is old technology such junk?!

Didn’t old-time people know that they should just make good things?

Bboommerraanngg…

Wait... if it’s the old technology that’s junk, maybe you can put

Boomerang in your new phone!

But that would connect Boomerang to the Internet. Once he’s there,

he’ll be out in the harsh world. I won’t be able to protect him.

Goodbye, Dad. Boomerang...out.

You protected him for a quarter of a day, Ben. It’s time to let him go

into that harsh world on his own.

Gah! Why does everyone say being a parent is super easy?!

Pretty sure no-one’s ever said that.

Well, that makes sense then! Because it’s not easy at all!

There you go little guy.

Woah. The Internet.

Boomerang, promise me you’ll stay out of trouble. Use numbers

and letters in your passwords. Avoid spam emails. And... don’t touch pop-up ads!

Ugh, yeah, I know, Dad! I’m not running on BASIC, duh.

That’s my Boomerang. Email home, okay?

Okay, sure, you got it Dad, gotta go!

They grow up so fast.

Yeah. But hey, he’s moved on to something really great. I mean,

who knows what kind of amazing, brilliant, mindblowing stuff that

kid is up to right now?

Paaaarty!