Mystery Crate Empire/Transcript

Paying the Rent
[Tom, Ben, and Ginger are hosting a garage sale. The Sad Old Man enters. The gang tries to make him buy stuff.]

Tom: This umbrella can protect against any kind of weather!

[rain is pouring from the inside of the umbrella.]

Ben: Actually, that's my anti-umbrella. The umbrella that brings the weather to you! I invented it shortly before I was banned from inventing. [touches umbrella and gets electrocuted] Aaagh! See?

Wesley: I'm not in a buying mood now, okay?

Ginger: Then take the umbrella for free!

Tom: Ginger, don't give stuff away! We need to make money today or we won't be able to pay our rent. And Ben, lighten up. You're bumming-out the customer. I thought you were okay with the bracelet.

Ben: It's not the bracelet, it's the company! Even if we sell enough stuff to pay the rent, Tom and Ben Enterprises is still doomed.

Tom: We'll be okay.

Ben: We make inventions!

Tom: We just need to find one big idea.

Ben: But I can't invent!

Tom: And hopefully soon, because these bills are piling up.

[Tom touches the mailbox overflowing with mail. The mailbox burst out all the mail into the studio.]

Mystery Boxes?
[Angela comes in with a blue box.]

Tom: Oh, good, Angela. You brought more stuff to sell.

Angela: These aren't for sale, Tom. They're my stuff subscriptions. It's the hot new thing, where companies send you mystery boxes of cool stuff. [reaches through the box] Musty old Halloween costumes? Nice!

Ben: It's worse than the junk we're selling!

Angela: No, it's better, because people love mystery boxes. Look, there's even a popular show about opening them!

MC: [in the show] Welcome to Rockin' and Unboxin'! Today, we got silly straws, y'all! Aw, I'm stoked to slurp and giggle!

Tom: Guys, I just found our big idea.

Angela; And I found monster teeth! Roar!

The Start of A New Business
Tom: I know how we're going to pay our rent this month, and it's going to save Tom and Ben Enterprises. Huh?

[Tom opens a curtain that reveals a box. The gang is amazed by the box.]

Jeremy: I bet the thing that's gonna save the company is in that box!

Tom: No. It is that box. I call it Great Crate. We are going to sell boxes of mystery stuff.

Hank: Ooh! Like in the Rockin' and Unboxin' videos! I love those!

Ben: Tom, what are we gonna put in these boxes, a bunch of outdated tech?

Tom: We could! Because if we put it in the crate, it's great! How about that for a catchphrase, huh?

[The gang starts a montage of putting random stuff inside numerous boxes, with festive music playing in the background.]

Sounds A Little Off... But OK
[Tom is in the diner, carrying a box.]

Wesley: I'll buy one of those. That last thing you guys gave me made me really happy. [opens the anti-umbrella]

Ginger: See, Tom? Salesboy of the year.

Rhonda: No selling stuff inside the diner. What is it, anyway?

Hank: A mystery crate of stuff that's great!

Rhonda: Wait a minute. You're tellin' me I don't even get to know what I'm buying?

[Rhonda looks suspiciously at the box but quickly changes her expression.]

Rhonda: What an adventure! Sign me up! [buys a crate]

A Million Views
[Tom drinks a beverage of some sort with the gang.]

Tom: Well, we did it! We sold enough crates to pay the rent and save our company. I told you we'd be okay.

Ben: You were right, Tom. This was a good idea!

Angela: Hey guys, the MC just put out a new video!

MC: [in the video] What up, box-heads? It's a new box alert! Just got a box from a new company called Great Crate!

Hank: That's us! My entertainment world and my life world are colliding!

MC: Yo, it's a musical toothbrush, y'all. Nice! I'm all about cavity protection and dancin'!

[Ben realizes something.]

Ben: Oh, no. This is bad.

Tom: What's wrong, Ben? This is gonna be great publicity for us.

Ben: Rockin' and Unboxin' has a million viewers. If even one percent of them buys a Great Crate, we won't be able to fill the orders! Our company will collapse again!

[Shows a picture of The Studio breaking.]

Tom: Ben, I'm sure that won't happen.

[Suddenly, Tom's phone chimes, and everyone's soon following afterward. They all signal at least a thousand orders.]

Tom: Okay, um... we can fix this. We can fill a few thousand more boxes. I mean, uh, there's plenty of stuff lying around the garage, right?

Ginger: I'll get the trash!

Ben: Wait! Think about the reputation of our company. You can't stuff boxes with things that aren't even good!

Tom: It doesn't have to be good. Once it's in the crate, it's great! I hope.

A Million Customers
[The gang runs another montage of themselves running around frantically gathering more random objects in the garage.]

Tom: People like half-empty bottles of salad dressing, right?

[The montage continues. They even resort to putting dust inside.]

Jeremy: Hold on, fellas. Stay back!

[Tom puts a picture of himself and Ben in one of the boxes.]

Ben: Our memories?

Tom: Hey, if that picture wasn't saved to your phone then it wasn't important in the first place, was it? Which reminds me, we should put our phones in a box.

[The gang resorts even more to filling the boxes with grass and soil from the front lawn.