Everybody Hates Tom/Transcript

(several men are seen moving boxes into a moving van.

Hank: Are we remodelling? Did we win a house-decoration show contest?

Ben: No, Hank. We're finally being evicted because we're broke! Our savings are down to one coin.

Hank: No! I'm not ready to be garage-less!

Tom: No, it's bad. Our only hope is that our newest invention is a massive hit that saves the company!

Ben: The reviews will post any minute. If people don't like it, we'll lose the garage! End of business!

Tom: Don't talk like that! We'll do whatever it takes to keep this team together. Whatever it takes.

Mover: Excuse me. (takes table tennis table, robot falls, erects legs, and hands Hank a sandwich.)

Hank: Oh, thanks. So this is the new invention, huh? A food returner!

Ben: We call it the Helping Hand. It helps you do small chores by giving you a helping hand, hence the name.

(mover tries to pry laptop from Tom)

Tom: No, not yet! We need a minute!

(review is played on laptop)

Man onscreen: The new helping hand from Tom and Ben Enterprises is awful. (The friends gasp)

Man: Awfully good! It's great at opening pickle jars! And I own a lot of pickle jars. Highly recommended!

(Friends are relieved)

Ben: Oh, that's a good start, but one good review won't be enough to save us.

Onscreen small boy: The helping hand is great for reaching high shelves when you're a little guy like me.

Man 2: Anyone without a helping hand is missing out on the next big thing.

Man 3: Buy a helping hand now, will ya?

(many more positive reviews appear onscreen)

Tom: We did it! Out invention is a hit! Movers, you can put everything back because all our problems are over!

(theme song)

Sabotage
(Tom and Ben are on a show)

Host: With us are Tom and Ben, inventors of the helping hand, the must-have tech breakthrough of the year. Tom, Ben, thanks for coming onto the show.

Tom: Glad to be here. You know, since our invention came out, things have been just the best.

(flashback to alley, Tom knocking on door)

Tom: We were invited to the best parties.

(Tom is accepted into disco party)

Angela: Tom, I recognize people here from magazines!

Tom: Don't be nervous. Since your my girlfriend, that's how people are going to recognize you!

(flashback changes to garage, Hank accepts a trophy mailed to the address)

Tom: We won the best awards.

Hank: "World's Greatest Company." Hm, I'll put it with all the others.

(flashback changes to the park, Ginger is wearing a vest that allows him to fly)

Tom: We had the best times.

Ben: The people who made this hover vest want to know if we can give it our endorsement.

(Ginger takes off)

(flashback changes back to talk show)

Tom: But more than anything, we had the best feeling, knowing that we had made the world a better place.

(audience applauds)

(Tom and Ben are now at a tech demonstration.)

Ben: People ask what's next for us. I don't want to give it away, but let's say I have plans to colonize a planet that rhymes with "Blaturn."

Tom: And I want to take up surfing! Never had time before, but now that everything is good forever, I'm ready to hit those waves.

(backdrop changes to tropical scene with Tom surfing)

(audience cheers)

Tom: Let me tell you a story. It begins in a garage where two good friends had one big dream. There would be good days and bad days, but through it all, we had, uh... hello? We're kinda giving a presentation up here?

(crowd is nervously checking their phones, backdrop changes to news broadcast)

News reporter: It's chaos in the streets as the Helping Hands go out of control. Cheeks have been slapped, valuables have been stolen. What careless inventor could have let this happen?

Woman: We have to get out of here! Run! Beware the hands!

Man: How could you do this to us?

Boy: We trusted you!

Ben: Let's stay calm! I'm only sure this is a minor glitch that only affects... (checks phone and is shocked) every helping hand in the world?!

(crowd boos and starts throwing food, bot attacks Ben)

Ben: (catches potato) Who brings a potato to a tech conference?

Tom: There's no time to wonder about that, Ben! We have to go!

(Tom and Ben run offstage.)

An Apology
(A large, angry mob has appeared in front of the garage, booing the company)

Ginger: (reading sign) "The helping hand should be banned."

Angela: Get away from the window! If we ignore them, maybe they'll leave.

Ginger: Doubt it. They're setting up tents. And I see a gift shop!

Hank: (gasps) Boy, I don't think it's ever been this bad. What do you think, has it ever been this bad?

Ben: No, and I don't see how a commercial is going to fix things.

Tom: It's an apology ad. It's what tech companies do when they screw up. (plays video)

Tom Onscreen: You trusted us. And we let you down. But we also hurt you.

(Hank is seen in the background before running away)

Tom Onscreen: And we want you to trust us again.

(video ends)

Tom: Perfect. But maybe the music could be a bit more sorrier.

(loud bang)

Ginger: They want more than an apology.

Angela: You know, something isn't right. Your inventions don't go crazy for no reason.

Hank: Right. We need to get to the bottom of this. But how?