Museum Madness/Transcript

(Ben is typing on his computer while Tom disturbs him.)

Tom: Fun. It's one of the most important things in life.

Ben: No, it isn't.

Tom: And some of us have been working way too much lately.

(Hank and Angela appear.)

Hank: He's talking about you, Ben!

(Ben sighs.)

Tom: Which is why we're going to make Ben's mandatory day off the funnest day ever!

(A disco ball appears, the friends dance.)

(Tom spins Ben's chair around. The friends cheer.)

Friends: Wooo!

Hank: I have lots of fun having fun.

(Ben sighs)

Tom: I can't hear you!

Ben: Tom, "funnest" is not a word. And, your "mandatory day off" sounds anything but fun.

Tom: You'll change your mind when you get to the Fun Museum. (holds three tickets) Look, it says right here it's "fun for everyone."

(record scratch)

Ben: Nothing is "fun for everyone."

Tom: Ben, fun is fun! Don't overthink it.

(A horn is heard.)

(Tom opens the garage door and walks out.)

Tom: The Fun Bus is here! (friends cheer)

Hank: Hey, where's Ginger?

(Ginger appears)

Ginger: Hey, guys. Bad news. I can't go to the Fun Museum.

Hank: Noooo! Hey, how come?

Ginger: My mom is making me clean my room today.

Hank: Aw, chin up, young man. We'll bring you back a sou-fun-ir!

Ben: Uh, I'll just stay home and work. (starts walking inside)

Tom: Not a chance, Ben.

Ben: Don't touch me!

Tom: This mandatory day off is supposed to be fun!

Ginger: They're right, Ben. Go, please, and have some extra fun for me.

Angela: Oh, poor Ginger.

Hank: Huh?

Angela: I can't believe I just said that.

Tom: Okay, come on everyone. All aboard the Fun Bus.

Hank and Angela: Yeah! Fun Bus, Fun Bus, Fun Bus!

(The friends walk towards the Fun Bus.)

Ginger: Bye, everyone! Have fun! (cries) (dramatic music)

(The friends leave. The music stops, revealing that Ginger was lying about having to clean his room.)

Ginger: Haha! I know I will!

(Ginger enters the garage and shouts.)

(theme song)

(scene cuts to Fun Museum)

Hank: Ooh, I hope they have one of those flight simulators that make you super dizzy.

Angela: I hope they have a photo booth where you get to put on those old-time Wild West costumes! Pew-pew!

Tom: I call "train robber!"

Hank: I call "lonely prospector who likes to dance but has a mule who never lets him lead!"

Ben: Um, yes, I will dress as a saloon owner who invents the first robotic bartender?

Angela: Um...

Hank: Okay, that's uh... not bad...

Angela: Oh, yeah, that's a great one.

Ben: Haha, alright!

Guide: Hello and welcome to the Fun Museum, the museum of fun.

Angela: Hey, you look really familiar.

Tom: Yeah, where have we met?

Guide: Ahem, we have not. Now, when the doors open, you will safely enter Exhibit #1, the Whitewater Rafting Experience.

Ben: (starts to leave) No, no, no, no, no, no water. I will wait for you in the Fun Bus.

Tom: No way, Ben. You're having fun whether you like it or not.

Ben: Oh, oh.

(scene cuts to Exhibit #1)

(everyone laughs and cheers)

(A hologram of a raft appears.)

Guide: Some people say that whitewater rafting is the most exciting of all the water sports. But the key to maximizing your rafting fun is preparation.

Tom: Preparation?

Guide: Here is recommended supply list for whitewater rafting experience that is fun.

Ben: Interesting!

Guide: One, a life vest. Two, a whistle.

Ben: Correct!

Guide: Three, sturdy footwear. (continues listing items)

Tom: Ugh, I've read instruction manuals that are more fun than this guy.

Angela: Well, at least it can only get better.

Guide: Now are you ready to learn how fast this raft can go?

Everyone: Yeah! (cheers)

Guide: Okay, okay. (holograms of equations appear) Well, let us assume our water velocity measuring instrument travels 10 meters in 32 seconds. (friends yawn) To find the time it took to travel one meter, we just divide the distance we measured into the travelled, 10 meters in 32 seconds, by the time-

Ben: .3125 meters per second! Woo! Nailed it!

Guide: Correct! And for this, now you are designated King of Fun! (puts a sticker on Ben's chest)

Ben: Hey, look! I'm the king of fun!

Hank: Say cheese! (takes picture of Ben)

Guide: Pictures are forbidden.

Hank: (puts phone away) Sorry!

(scene cuts to Ginger in garage)

Ginger: (playing with broom) I'm the only one around here who even knows how to have fun. When I try, someone always says, "Ginger, that's not a toy!" That doesn't even make sense.

(Ginger points to an electric cable)

Ginger: See this cable? Now it's an electric snake!

(Ginger picks up a stapler.)

Ginger: See this stapler? Now it's a dragon that spits metal at deadly cable-snakes!

(Ginger bounces on a chair.)

Ginger: Ben's desk chair is now a trampoline! Woo-woo! Whoa! (falls off) Ow!

(Ginger spots a green case under the desk.)

Ginger: (reads message written on case) "Do not touch, Ginger!" I don't take orders from a box!

(scene cuts to friends walking into the History section of the Fun Museum. Ben has several "King of Fun" stickers.)

Ben: Wow, those pie charts in the Circus Room were mind-blowing! And the Hall of Puzzles? Wow! Did you guys know there were that many ways to win a sudoku?

Hank: Nope, and I still don't.

Ben: You were right, Tom. A trip to the Fun Museum is just what I needed!

Tom: What? This place isn't fun at all!

Ben: Sure it is! It says right on the tickets that it's "fun for everyone!"

(hologram of book appears)

Guide: (clears throat) By now you're asking, "What is origin of fun?"

Tom: Uh, no.

Ben: Shh. (pushes Tom)

Hank: Opposite of fun.

Guide: Well, the first recorded instance of fun occurred during the reign of King Ramses VIII, in the year 1129 Before Common Era.

Ben: Ancient fun. The best!

Tom: Okay, that's it. We're leaving.

Ben: No way! (Tom groans) Are you crazy?

Guide: Uh-uh-oh-oh. You must complete the tour to exit.

(scene cuts to Ginger in the garage)

(Ginger pries the box open with a crowbar.)

Ginger: (looks inside) Whoa! Ben's Sonic Surfboard! (takes out surfboard and hops on) Now this is definitely a toy, which I will prove right now! (presses button, turning on the surfboard) (screams)

(scene cuts to Fun Museum exhibit with human anatomy model)

Tom: (bangs head on wall) So boring. I'm so bored. Bo-bo-bo-bo-boring.

(Hank starts mimicking the guide.)

Guide: If fun gets out of control, you will find yourself laughing. (simulates laughter) Ha-ha-ha-ha.

(Angela laughs)

(Ben bumps Angela's arm)

(Angela giggles)

Guide: But what is laughter? And is it safe?

Ben: Good question.

Guide: Laughter involves the forceful exhalation of breath. At times, the breathing muscles can work so hard that laughing can make your heart beat as fast as exercise.

(Hank steals the heart from the anatomy model.)

Hank: Hey Tom, catch! (throws heart)

Tom: So boring. (gets hit by heart) Ow! (looks at bouncy heart) Haha, Angela! (passes heart to Angela)

(Angela catches the heart)

Tom: Yes!

(Ben groans)

(The friends continue passing the heart to each other.)

Guide: Mein herz, mein herz!

(An alarm starts sounding.)

Alarm: Unauthorized fun in the Laughter Room.

Guide: Your unauthorized play is in violation of the Fun Museum rules.

Ben: Stop it, Tom! You're breaking the Fun Museum rules! Give me that unpredictably bouncy educational heart! (tackles Tom) Give it. Before-

Tom: I want to get kicked out.

Alarm: Commencing removal protocol.

Guide: Ah, finally. Ciao! (pulls lever)

(A trapdoor opens, causing the friends to fall down a slide. Meanwhile, Ginger is having fun riding the surfboard.)

Tom: (screams) This is awesome!

(The friends ride the slide into an alley.)

Hank: Again, again.

Angela: That was so fun!

Ben: Aaah, my heart is racing!

Angela: I know, right, mine too!

Tom: That was awesome! (catches heart) Getting kicked out was the best ride ever!

Ben: It wasn't a ride. It was punishment for breaking museum rules.

Tom: Why are you so angry? I mean, no one was having fun until I got us kicked out.

Ben: Tom, you obviously don't even know what fun is.

(Tom gasps)

Tom: Wha- uh, hey, you guys were there. I mean, that place was forcing its boring idea of fun on us.

Angela: Yeah, just like you did to Ben.

Tom: But- I'm sorry, what?

Angela: You told Ben that fun is the most important thing in life. So, you forced him to go to the Fun Museum. But, since it wasn't fun for you, you thought it wasn't fun for anyone.

Tom: I, uh- I did, didn't I?

Hank: She's right, Tom. But hey, it wasn't a total loss. Plus, we got us a sou-fun-ir. (holds heart)

(Tom and Hank laugh)

Tom: Gross.

(scene cuts to Ginger in garage. The Landlord is walking in.)

Landlord: What's all that noise in there?

Ginger: Uh-oh. (hides on top of doorway)

Landlord: (walks in) All right, fun's over. Show yourself so I can evict you for this noise violation. Oh, so you want to play the hide-and-the-seek, eh? (laughs)

(Landlord opens fridge)

Landlord: Found you!

(Landlord lifts coffee table)

Landlord: Ah-ha! (groans) (flips over table) No, not there. Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are. I will turn this place upside right outside down and inside up if I have to. But I will find you! Oh, yeah, I will find you!

(scene cuts to the friends returning to the garage)

Ben: (peeks in door) Someone's in there!

Everyone: Oh, no! No!

Ginger: Uh-oh!

(Ginger leaps onto the ceiling, causing the surfboard to fall into the Landlord's hands.)

(The friends enter. Tom clears his throat, confronting the Landlord.)

Landlord: Aha! There you are.

Ben: Hey! My Sonic Surfboard!

Landlord: Uh, ah, I hear noise, you know? So I come to investigate and then maybe evict you, I don't know. But I could not find you, so you know...

Tom: Nice try, but no one was here. We were at the Fun Museum.

Landlord: No, but I heard, uh, I know I hear a noise.

Ben: Oh, please. At least try to come up with a better lie than that.

Landlord: It's true, it's true. I, I was, uh... hey! Fun idea I'm having. Let's forget out problems with a game of hide and seek. Okay? I seek first.

Tom: What? But you just destroyed our place.

Landlord: (counts down) 10... 9... Better go hide! 8... 7... 6...

Friends: Hide! (all except for Ben start running for a hiding spot)

Landlord: 5...

Tom: Okay, out of my way.

Ben: No, guys, he's trying to make us leave!

Landlord: Someone will be easy to find. 5...

(Ben places a lampshade on his head.)

Landlord: 4...

(Ginger is watching from a ceiling beam.)

Ginger: Look at 'em. Running, laughing, so cheerful. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they do know how to have fun.

Landlord: 3, 2, 1, 0. Ready or not, here comes Landlord!

Ginger: Or maybe a spontaneous game of hide and seek really is the thing that's fun for everyone.

(The Landlord appears)

Landlord: Boo!

(Ginger falls and screams.)

Landlord: You are it! Hehe.

(credits roll)