The New Old Roommate/Transcript

(Scene shows Becca being videotaped in front of a background depicting a mansion. Angela is briefly shown using a clapperboard before moving offscreen.)

Becca: (to camera) Hey, world. I'm Becca Sparkles. I'm fierce and fresh and I want to shake things up. It's sparkle time!

(Ginger throws glitter on Becca. Becca coughs, and the film ends.)

Tom: Cut! This reality show audition tape is looking good! Maybe a little too much glitter, Ginger.

Ginger: (continues throwing glitter) No such thing!

(Tom takes away Ginger's basket of glitter.)

Hank: (carries backdrop away) Ooh! Do you really think you have a shot at getting on Chef Mansion?

Becca: I'd better. I need a new place to live, and a mansion would be a pretty sweet upgrade. Check it out! (turns on TV)

(The TV shows a trailer of the reality show Chef Mansion.)

Host: This week on Chef Mansion, the chefs have to drag a giant bag of flour up the grand staircase!

(Two contestants are seen each carrying a bag of flour up a staircase. They both fall down the staircase.)

Becca: Maybe one day, I'll find a place that's right for me, like you have this apartment. It's so Angela.

Angela: Aw, thanks! I'm happy with it.

(Hank and Ben struggle to carry a large spotlight. The light falls and crashes into a mirror, which falls. The mirror begins to glow.)

Hank and Ben: (blames each other) He did it!

Tom: Oh, guys, don't break Angela's things! Save that for when we're home, when we can break our own things.

Angela: Oh, it's okay. That mirror was actually there when I moved in, so I guess it wasn't really mine.

(Screeching is heard. Ben whimpers. The light flickers and the piano plays on its own.)

Ginger: Uh, guys?

(The crack in the wall where the mirror originally was begins to glow. The friends watch the wall, scared. Then, a female ghost appears.)

Ghost: Blaughh!

(The friends scream.)

(Theme song plays)

(The friends continue screaming.)

Ghost: God, you're all being so loud.

Hank: Ma'am, are you a gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost?

Ghost: What tipped you off, ace? The floating, or, like, moving through the wall?

Becca: Listen, ghost, you don't need to haunt us.

Ghost: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm a ghost, so I'm haunting you? (floats through Becca) Rude.

(The ghost passes through the ceiling, then reappears through the fridge.)

Ghost: This is my apartment. I've been here way longer than you, so if anything...

(The ghost touches a photo of Angela. The photo of Angela turns into that of a ghost.)

Ghost: ...you're haunting me.

Angela: Wait, why have I never seen you before?

Ghost: Uh, duh, I was trapped behind that mirror you broke. Thanks for doing that, I guess.

(Ginger touches Angela's shoulder to get her attention.)

Ginger: (whispers) Cut the chitchat! This is not a drill. Let's school this ghoul! (

(Ginger takes out photos of ghost-hunting gear on his phone.)

Ginger: (scrolls through images) We need taser packs, ecto-traps, and the breath of a newborn baby!

Angela: (pushes away phone) Ginger, no!

Ginger: But-

Angela: She lives here. Or, un-lives here?

(The ghost lies down on a floating couch.)

Angela: I don't know. Either way, I think that means she's my roommate.

Tom: What? Angela, no! You can't live with a ghost!

Ben: Tom's right! That entity breaks all the laws of known and unknown physics!

(Ben is shocked to find that his tablet is floating.)

Hank: Plus, she's very spooky.

Angela: Don't be so judgy!

Hank: Aw!

Angela: A ghost-mate sounds like fun! (walks towards closet)

(The ghost is seen throwing Angela's clothes into a trash can.)

Angela: (to ghost) Look, ghost, (clears throat) uh, we got off to a bad start. But a bad start is just, uh, oh, is just the first step of a good time! I'm looking forward to being your roommate!

(The ghost laughs, throws a T-shirt into the trash, then closes the trash can.)

(A montage is shown of the ghost being obnoxious to Angela.)

(Angela opens the fridge, only to find it empty.)

Angela: Huh?

(Angela finds the ghost eating her fruit.)

Angela: Oh, I think that was my fruit cup?

Ghost: You didn't put your name on it.

(Scene cuts to Angela watering her flowers.)

Angela: Oh, no, look at my petunias!

(The ghost is watering the flowers in a nearby window with a green liquid. The flowers die.)

(Scene cuts to Angela watching a romance show on TV. The ghost takes the remote away and changes the channel to a horror show. Angela screams when a jack-o-lantern appears on TV. The ghost laughs.)

(Scene cuts to Angela brushing her teeth, when the ghost suddenly appears in the bathroom.)

Ghost: Ugh, when are you going to be done? You're taking forever in here!

(Angela growls.)

(End of montage. Angela calls Tom on a tablet.)

Tom: Hey, Angela! How are things going with the ghost-mate?

Angela: (lies) Oh, uh, super awesome! So awesome, it's not worth talking about! So, uh, why don't you tell me how Becca's Chef Mansion audition is going?

Tom: Well, she's still pretty excited about the "mansion" part. The "chef" part... it's a problem.

(Becca is seen on the call taking a burning item out of the oven. Hank, Ginger and Ben cough at the smoke.)

Tom: (coughs) I'm gonna step outside.

Angela: No, don't do that! Um, y-you don't want to let the smoke win!

Tom: What? Angela, what are you-

Angela: No, no, no, no, no, no...

(Tom steps outside, only to discover that Angela was calling Tom from the taxi.)

Tom: Oh.

Angela: So, uh... yeah. I know it looks like I'm living in your driveway, but, uh, the truth is... (sighs) okay, fine. Living with this ghost is awful. I can't do it anymore!

Tom: Angela, you've got to stand up for your home! Go tell that ghost to pack her bags!

Ginger: Sounds like we need to do things the Ginger way.

(Ginger, Ben and Hank appear with ghost-hunting equipment from Ghost Pirate Hunting.)

Ginger: I'm talking about ghost-hunting, baby!

Angela: You're right! Enough is enough! Let's toast this ghost!

(Scene cuts to the apartment. The ghost is watching TV, browsing channels.)

Ghost: Ugh, total bore fest! (turns the TV to static) Yes, now we're talking!

(The friends burst in.)

Ginger: (screams) Secure the perimeter! Go, go, go!

Hank: Alright, ghost, put your ectoplasm against the wall!

Angela: This roommate thing isn't working out. (loads gun) You've got to go.

Ghost: What? I'm a great roommate. I even did the dishes.

(Scene shows a floating sponge dirtying the dishes rather than cleaning them.)

Angela: That's not how you do the dishes!

Ghost: (in low voice) It's how I do them.

Angela: Oh, yeah. (fires gun at ghost)

Ghost: Oh, rude! That is so disrespectful! (disintegrates)

Friends: (cheer) Yeah, alright! Woo!

Tom: We did it, Ben!

Ben