The Substitute Teacher/Transcript

(Scene shows the garage. Hank hugs Tom.)

Hank: (sobs) This can't be the end. She's too young to depart this world!

Tom: Stay strong, Hank. She's in good hands.

(Ben is seen trying to repair a refrigerator. He is wearing goggles. He removes a part from the refrigerator and throws it on the floor.)

Hank: (sobs) I can't watch!

(Ben's phone starts ringing.)

Ben: Huh?

(Ben is electrocuted. He screams. The phone is on his desk.)

(Ben goes to the front of the refrigerator and puts his head into the refrigerator.)

Ben: Will somebody answer that?

Tom: (answers) Ben's phone. (gasps) Miss Vanthrax!

Ben: Ms. Vanthrax?! (bumps head) Ow!

Tom: Uh, Ben is very busy-

Ben: (runs over and takes phone) Give me that! (to phone) Hello, hello, hello!

(Ms. Vanthrax is in bed ill.)

Ms. Vanthrax: (coughs) Benjamin! (coughs)

Ben: Oh, Velma, you sound awful!

Ms. Vanthrax: I've come down with a cold. (coughs) Now, the class needs to decide on a project for next week's science fair, and I was wondering if you were free.

Ben: (gasps) M-m-m-me?!

(A flashforward of Ben as a professor. He, along with Ginger and his class, accept an award for the science fair.)

Ben: It would be an honor!

Ms. Vanthrax: Oh, excellent! Now, it's not for amateurs, so, no... baking-soda volcanoes! (coughs)

Ben: Understood.

Ms. Vanthrax: I want that first-place ribbon, Ben. I want it bad. (coughs)

Ben: I won't let you down. (ends call and starts leaving)

Tom: Ben, you have to fix the fridge!

Ben: Maybe later! I have a class to sub!

Hank: Wait, don't leave her like this! (sobs)

(Theme song plays)

(Scene cuts to the hallway of Ginger's school. Ronnie and Ginger walk through the halls.)

Ronnie: Ms. Vanthrax sure was mad at you yesterday!

Ginger: Hey, I just left my skateboard in the hall. (shows image) She's the one to decided to slip on it!

(Ginger enters the classroom, only to find Ben inside. Ben wears a green plaid suit and round glasses. He writes on the chalkboard.)

Ginger: Ben?! What are you doing here?

Ben: I'm your substitute teacher! As you may have heard, Ms. Vanthrax is home sick.

(Ronnie and Ginger cheer. Ginger blows into a noisemaker.)

Ben: Okay, take your seats!

Ginger: Man, we just hit the jackpot! Ben's not a real teacher! He's just a guy!

(Ben gets the attention of the class. On the chalkboard is a drawing of a lightbulb and an atom.)

Ben: (clears throat) Our goal is to come up with an idea for the science fair. I've printed information on some exciting fields to pique your interests.

(Ben takes a large cardboard box out from under his desk and places it on his desk.)

Ben: Micro-entomology!

(Ronnie gasps.)

Ben: (takes out another box) Xeno-paleontology!

(Darren shudders.)

Ben: (takes out third box) Botano-minerology!

(A girl gasps.)

Ben: Are your interests piqued? Eh?

(A boy collapses on the floor. Ginger is seen giggling and drawing in a book.)

Ben: Ginger?

Ginger: Huh?

Ben: Are you even listening to me? What did I just say?

Ginger: Um, there's a fair? And interest?

(Ben takes Ginger's book to find an offensive drawing of Ben. The class laughs.)

Ben: No, Ginger! The fair is extremely important! We need to come up with an idea!

Ginger: Let's just make a volcano!

Ben: No volcanoes! (slams desk)

Ginger: Come on, cut the mean-teacher act. It's me, ya boy!

(Ben growls angrily.)

Ben: That's it! You just lost your class their recess!

(The class gasps.)

Ginger: Wait, what? You can't do that!

Ben: I just did! And if anyone has a problem with that, you can thank ya boy!